The Virginia Gazette

January 12, 1736-7

To Mr. Parks,

Sir,

I should take it as a Favour, if you'll give the following Song a Place in your next Paper. It is a Revenge, long since due to good Sense and fine Writing; which have been us'd in a most barbarous and inhumane Manner by the MONITOR. I can only assure you, that Ill-Nature had no Hand in the Composition; and that the Author was never in a better Humour in his Life, than while he was writing it. It would be Injustice to a Chirurgeon, to accuse him of Ill-Nature, when Necessity obliges him to probe deeply and roughly into a Wound. As therefore it is a necessary Work, to clear the World of that worst Kind of Vermin, Scribblers, I hope the Publick-spiritedness of the Design, may be some Excuse for any Failure in the Execution. I am, Sir,

Your constant Reader, and Subscriber.

Zoilus.

The MONITOR admonish'd:

A new Song:

To the Tune of, To all ye Ladies now at Land.

Nunquamne repcnam

Vexatus toties?

Juv.

I,

Who long since did draw my Pen
In injur'd Wit's Defence,
Am now alas! compell'd again
To succour common Sense:
For sure it never suffer'd more,
Than lately by the Monitor.

with a fa la.

This Monitor pretends to preach
In sacred Wisdom's Schools
But I'll a useful Lesson teach,
Worth all his silly Rules;
By which he'll mend, what's gone before;
And this is, Never to write more.

with a fa la.

A Pack of Dogs he gave in Print,
An odd and motley Crew;
But couch'd a double Meaning in't,
If what they say, is true:
For as he did his Mongrels pair,
Himself he plac'd a Sad-Dog there.

with a fa la.

I'm sorry, that 'tis still my Fate,
Ungrateful Truths to tell;
But since, that he's a Dunce, of late
The World does not conceal,
'Tis Pity, to himself alone
This weighty Truth Should be unknown.

with a fa la.

Advice should never be too long;
That spoils it's Grace and End
I therefore will conclude this Song,
By whisp'ring as a Friend,
That, if he's any Sense of Shame,
He'd wisely still conceal his Name.

with a fa la.