The Virginia Gazette

The MONITOR.
No. 7:

An Lydia imperit unquam
Hos habitus?
Juv.

Having settled the different Employments of my Female Assistants, according to their several Capacities, I order'd them, at the End of every Week, at farthest, to make a Return of all their Remarks, Letters, Poems, Billet-deux, &c. to the Club. I told them, this was my positive Command, and that I expected a punctual Obedience to be paid to it.

They unanimously, and very chearfully replied, that my Commands would be always welcome; and they hop'd I should never have Occasion to complain of their Remissness and Disobedience.

As a Proof of which, Miss Fidget, with abundance of Briskness and Alacrity, told me, that if my Monitorial Worship was at Leisure, she would lay before me, a very notorious Remark which she had made upon her Sister Females, since she had engaged herself in my Service.

I thank'd her for her Good-will, and bid her proceed to the Business: Which she did to this Effect.

Sir, says she, in one of my Afternoon random Visits, I happened to light on a Company of Ladies, whom I found at a Tea Table, employed in their usual Business of Scandal and Detraction.

After having spent about Half an Hour in making my Compliments, I seated myself in Form; when, on a sudden, one of the Ladies address'd herself to me in this Manner:-

Pray, Madam, says she, did you observe Miss Airy in Company last Sunday? Lord! Lord! what a frightful Figure she made. For my Part, when she enter'd the Doors, I could not tell what to take her for: Her Hoop was of such a prodigious Extent, that I wonder'd how She got in; and her Gown pinn'd up to such a monstrous Height behind, that her Head but just appear'd visible above it. Pray, Madam, says she, let's have your Opinion of this Manner of Dress, which they call Fashion, or the Top of the Mode.

I told her, that in my Opinion, it was indeed very preposterous, but that there was no Remedy for it; besides, if they would dress in that extravagant Manner, it was none of our Business to interrupt 'em.

No indeed, Madam? reply'd She very smartly; now I think it is every Body's Business to take Notice of it; it ought to be publicly decry'd.

But Madam, says she, (taking me a little Distance out of Hearing,) I'm very credibly informed, that the Occasion of your coming to Town, was to engage yourself in the Monitor's Service. I was very much startled at the mentioning of this Thing, because I had imagined, that No-body knew of it; but recovering myself, after a short Pause, I told her I was; and ask'd her if She had any Commands to him? Yes, Madam, says she: Please to present my humble Respects to him, and tell him, That if he will so far oblige me, as to spend a Penful or Two of his Ink, in exposing, in his next Paper, this ridiculous Fashion, I will gratefully acknowledge the Obligation, besides engaging him several Correspondents, and doing him all the Good that lies in my Power.

Miss Fidget having thus finish'd her Relation, I desir'd her to withdraw; and I would consider on it.

The Remonstrance of this Lady appears to me so just that I can't let it pass without some Notice. What a Shameful and preposterous Thing is it, that the most beautiful Part of the Creation, should run into such monstrous Extravagancies of Dress; which, instead of setting them off (as they pretend) makes them only appear abominably ridiculous. What Indignation would rise in the Minds of our honest Fore-fathers, Should they see one of their Daughters in our Days, dress'd out in all her Gaiety.

All that can be said in Favour of this Fashion, is this, that probably, in a short Time, this mountainous Heap which they now wear behind, will rise up as high as their Shoulders; and then a Hump-back will be accounted no Piece of Deformity.

S.