The Virginia Gazette

The SPEECH of Tom Telltruthia, against
Virginia, and Bombastia.

Mr. SPEAKER,

The Love of Truth obliges me to oppose the Motion, which you have heard made, but it shall be with all the Deference due to such big Names, as Philo-Virginia, and Philo-Bombastia. Was I easily intimidated, I should be most heartily frighted at the Confederacy, which it appears there is on their Side, by Mr. Bombastia's telling us that he is in Concert with his Cousin Mr. Virginia. For my Part I come fresh and uninvited to this Debate, and for ought I know, I may stand single in my Notions, or even desert them myself. For I have given neither my Bond, nor my Word, to serve any Party, and am ready to retract my Opinion to the very first who shall shew it to be an Error.

I agree with Mr. Virginia, that there is useless Lumber among the Clergy, and with Mr. Bombastia, that our Civil Officers are not all of them perfect, and that the extensive Toleration, if permitted at all, should respect the State, as well as the Church, and become Universal. For if Dissenters, who run hither from Pennsylvania, might be prevented from running away again to Carolina, by erecting a proper Number of Pulpits for their Use: So I conceive those discontented Members, and Refuse of our Community, who run away to Carolina to be made Magistrates might be retained for the Emolument of this Country, by placing a sufficient Number of Benches for their Conveniency. Yet, notwithstanding this, I am against this Scheme of universal Toleration: For which I shall offer a few plain Reasons.

There may possibly come a Time, when our Mother Country may be too much taken up with other Projects to look any further after this Infant Colony; or when she may think her eldest Daughter grown big enough to take Care of herself. At the least we may suppose such a Time for Argument's Sake, to have an Opportunity of considering a little how we should be able to subsist of ourselves, in such a Conjuncture. Every State, as I have heard, as well as the natural Body, receives in it's very Birth an internal Weakness, or Distemper, which will, one Time or other, infallibly bring it to a Period. And all that human Policy can do, is to make this natural Weakness as little as possible, and to guard against the Malignity of the Distemper, when once imbibed. If I mistake not Villainage in England supported the Baron's Wars and Violences, formerly, and subjected the Nation to the Insults of Foreigners and neighbouring Kingdoms; and this same Villainage has been lately confessed, by the Legislature of Great-Britain, to be a Source of Rebellions in Scotland. The Prevalence of Sectaries, in more modern Times, fomented civil Wars, and kept England too much embarrassed at Home to carry her Arms abroad, though very necessary. Now, I take the Slavery established here to be rather a greater Fund of Imbecility to the State, than the old English Villainage, or the late Clanship of Scotland. And if we add that of the Sectaries too, by an universal Toleration, I am afraid we shall bring a greater Load upon our Constitution, than it will be able long to struggle with, make it quite crazy, and fill it with deadly Symptoms of a Short Duration. We have our Slaves, and Pennsylvania her Sectaries and divided Interests: Let each, in God's Name, be content with her own Share of Infirmity. But if we must have Sectaries and divided Interests, let us make a fair Exchange, and give her our Slaves. Why should we be so covetous of Ruin, as to dare to have all the Diseases of Government to ourselves, or at least two such Capital ones, as have each of them singly, in their Turn, been strong enough to set Usurpers on the Throne, and abolish the Constitution of England? One of which has been found necessary to be taken entirely away, and for the other, Drains have been industriously provided in the Plantation of Colonies.

We hear much Talk of Numbers being the Strength, and Glory of any People, or Commonwealth, as if they were the only Thing required to make it strong, and handsome: A Government, it seems, is a Fabrick which cannot want Strength, and Beauty, if there be but Bricks and Stones enough, no Matter of what Kind they are, or how put together, or whether there be any Mortar to give them a firm Adhesion. In Opposition to this Way of building Governments, I think Multitudes as necessary as Materials, and Unanimity in Sentiments and Views, equally necessary as Cement. A State, composed of many little Parties, each with different Ends and Aims, and such as interfere with one another, is rather a disjointed Assemblage of various States, than one compact and regular Whole. If therefore you will give me Leave to change the Allusion, I look upon Numbers of People, as a large Source of Water coming from neighbouring Springs, which by being collected must be a great River, but may be so scattered, and lost in a Million of little Channels, as not to produce one, that is navigable.

Whatever Arguments are brought against any Innovation proposed, it is the Custom with some People to cry. "However, let us try, what Harm can it be to pass the Law? If it appear inconvenient after the Experiment has been made, cannot we repeal it again?" Some Things are better learn'd from the Experience of others than our own; among which Things I reckon those, which concern Government, and the Affair under Consideration in particular, of whose pernicious Nature we may see plentiful Proof in the History of our Mother Country. A Cancer may be stopped, it is said, if taken in Hand at it's first Appearance, but if you let it alone a while to spread, it will quickly get above the Skill of the ablest Surgeon. For which Reason, I cannot but very much approve that Sentence of Dean Swift, which Mr. Bombastia has given us, though it was not so lucky as to meet with his Recommendation. But in Relation to this Point, I will, if you please, tell you an old Story. Once upon a Time, a poor big-bellied Bitch ready to lie in, and destitute of any Habitation, or Lodging, humbly intreated an old Dog, that he would in all Love lend her his Kennel, only 'til she had littered, and her Month should be out: Her Request was immediately granted by the compassionate old Dog. He appeared again, at the Time appointed, to demand the Restoration of his Kennel, but she put him off from Time to Time, with Pretences, that her dear tender Brood were not yet strong enough to go abroad, and endure the Inclemency of the Weather, til at last, when they were grown pretty sturdy she plucked up her Spirits and plainly told him, that it was not the Custom of her Family to resign to the Weaker, and that if he thought herself capable of bringing into the World any such Puppies as would do that, she would not be at the Trouble to rear them: Upon which, what could the terrified old Dog do, but troop off to seek a new dwelling Place, with his Tail between his Legs, muttering, all the Way he went, Curses and wise Maxims, between his Teeth, such as Pox take all Ingratitude, and beware whom you trust, or to that Effect, as you may see at large in old Aesop.

As for the Presbyterians, if we could send the Church away, and have them alone, I should be very cordially for them, because this would quite take away the great Grievances of Church Tyranny, episcopal Jurisdiction, and harsh Discipline, which we groan under at present, and we should be completely easy under the most mild Government, and gentle Treatment of Presbyterianism. But the Misfortune is, that the Church has gotten Possession, and the Right of Eldership, and some Folks are so bigotted, as to think it as great an Honour to this Colony to be the Church of England Colony, as to