The Massachusetts Spy, And Worcester County Advertiser

Library of Useful Knowledge.
COBBETT
That singular compound of affectation, eccentricity, and bluntness, William Cobbett, in one of his late Registers, boasts in these terms of his corn-fed family:
"The following propositions will be denied by nobody that does not covet a broomstick; that paleness is a sign of feebleness if not of ill health; that as a body becomes dead, its cheeks are pale; that when a person, from whatever cause, faints, the blood totally leaves the cheeks; and that, in short, a pale face is a sure sign of want of vigorous health. Now, these premises being undeniable, I shall first state a fact, and then throw out my challenge. The fact is this: that, during three months or thereabouts, no wheat, or any thing proceeding from wheat, and no sort of a thing usually obtained of a grocer; or, in other words, no sort of thing which is not the produce of the soil of England: that none of these things have been consumed under the roof of my farm house. Now, then, my challenge is this: there are twelve of us under this roof who live in the manner aforesaid, without wheat, or any thing proceeding from wheat, and without any thing not produced from the land in England." And I hereby offer to bet any man a hundred pounds, that he does not find, under any one roof, nay, under any six roofs, any twelve persons that have so many square inches of red upon their cheeks as are to be found by due admeasurement upon the cheeks of the twelve who live under this roof, and who feed in the manner above spoken of. I have kept this farm house for more than a year, without wine, without spirits, without sugar, tea, coffee, or any sort of grocery; without any of these having made their appearance under this roof, though observe, I have never been without a doctor at the house. No one has been ill a single day during the whole of that year, and no doctor or apothecary has ever set foot within the doors of this farm house during the whole of that time; though, let it be observed, I am one of the first to apply for medical assistance for any body in my house, in case of even the appearance of illness. But we have had no illness; the accursed tea, has not been here to shake our nerves: and the brandied wine, and the vitrioled spirits, and the abominable brewer's poison, have been kept away from under this roof. and we have been well; though close upon the border of a marshy meadow, which, I was told, would give us all agues and typhus fevers. Now, if people will not live as we live, let them be ill, say I; I have no pity for them. They are drunkards and gluttons. For drunkenness and gluttony are only things of degree. In short, if people will not restrain themselves from those indulgencies which cause sickness, sick they will be, and sick they ought to be."