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Literary
September 27, 1880
Daily Kennebec Journal
Augusta, Kennebec County, Maine
What is this article about?
Satirical first-person account by Petroleum V. Nasby as doorkeeper for Democratic candidate (likely Hancock) on Governor's Island in 1880, using an electric key system to manage diverse party factions; contrasts with simpler Republican side, highlighting internal divisions via humorous errors.
Clipping
OCR Quality
98%
Excellent
Full Text
Nasby as Doorkeeper.
Governor's Island,
(Wich is in the State uv Noo York,)
August 6th, 1880.
We have a electric arrangement from the ante-room where I stand, to the General's rooms. There are 60 keys marked with the States and the shades uv opinyun wich make up the Dimekratic party. Thus one is marked "Noo York—hard money," another "Loozeaner—secesh," and so on.
My dooty is to admit only one party at a time to see the Gineral, and to notifv him in advance wat prinsiples the visitin party professes, that our candidate may make no mistakes.
We hev es meny kevs ez ther are shades of opinyun in the party. It requires a gigantic intelleck to keep the run uv em, and that is why I okkepy that responsible posishun.
Uv course I make mistakes occasionally, for no man kin keep the track uv sich diversity uv prinsiple. I did tech the key markt "War Dimekrat," for a secesh Major Loozeaner, and he came out in a towering rage, at bein informed by the Gineral that he shood never be satisfied til every man wich bore arms in the Confederacy hed passed away, that we mite hev peace, and it wuz a mistake when I teched key markt "Confederacy," and sent in a Wisconsin farmer wich had two sons killed at Antietam. The old man didn't like to be told that Confedrit soljers shood hey the same penshuns ez the Northeru hirelins which invaded the South so brootally.
I wish to heaven I cood be a keeper for Garfeeld. Hiz man hez a soft thing uv it. The cussid Republikens hevent but one set uv opinyuns, and ther an't no trouble about that." Garfeeld's doorkeeper he sets and admits everybody, without askin no questions, and hez nothin whatever to do ceptin to say "walk in gentlemen." And they go in and Garfeeld talks to all uv them, and ther ain't no rows, and no financeering, nor no nothin. It requires more engineerin to be a Dimekrat. We hev too extensive a set uv prinsiples, and they require too grate a straddle to kiver em all. I wish to Heaven the first uv November wuz here. This kind uv a thing is altogether to wearin on a not overstrong constitooshen.
Petroleum V. Nasby,
(Eggshaustid.)
Governor's Island,
(Wich is in the State uv Noo York,)
August 6th, 1880.
We have a electric arrangement from the ante-room where I stand, to the General's rooms. There are 60 keys marked with the States and the shades uv opinyun wich make up the Dimekratic party. Thus one is marked "Noo York—hard money," another "Loozeaner—secesh," and so on.
My dooty is to admit only one party at a time to see the Gineral, and to notifv him in advance wat prinsiples the visitin party professes, that our candidate may make no mistakes.
We hev es meny kevs ez ther are shades of opinyun in the party. It requires a gigantic intelleck to keep the run uv em, and that is why I okkepy that responsible posishun.
Uv course I make mistakes occasionally, for no man kin keep the track uv sich diversity uv prinsiple. I did tech the key markt "War Dimekrat," for a secesh Major Loozeaner, and he came out in a towering rage, at bein informed by the Gineral that he shood never be satisfied til every man wich bore arms in the Confederacy hed passed away, that we mite hev peace, and it wuz a mistake when I teched key markt "Confederacy," and sent in a Wisconsin farmer wich had two sons killed at Antietam. The old man didn't like to be told that Confedrit soljers shood hey the same penshuns ez the Northeru hirelins which invaded the South so brootally.
I wish to heaven I cood be a keeper for Garfeeld. Hiz man hez a soft thing uv it. The cussid Republikens hevent but one set uv opinyuns, and ther an't no trouble about that." Garfeeld's doorkeeper he sets and admits everybody, without askin no questions, and hez nothin whatever to do ceptin to say "walk in gentlemen." And they go in and Garfeeld talks to all uv them, and ther ain't no rows, and no financeering, nor no nothin. It requires more engineerin to be a Dimekrat. We hev too extensive a set uv prinsiples, and they require too grate a straddle to kiver em all. I wish to Heaven the first uv November wuz here. This kind uv a thing is altogether to wearin on a not overstrong constitooshen.
Petroleum V. Nasby,
(Eggshaustid.)
What sub-type of article is it?
Satire
Essay
Prose Fiction
What themes does it cover?
Political
What keywords are associated?
Political Satire
Democratic Party
Election 1880
Civil War Divisions
Petroleum Nasby
What entities or persons were involved?
Petroleum V. Nasby
Literary Details
Title
Nasby As Doorkeeper.
Author
Petroleum V. Nasby
Form / Style
Satirical Dialect Narrative
Key Lines
We Hev Es Meny Kevs Ez Ther Are Shades Of Opinyun In The Party. It Requires A Gigantic Intelleck To Keep The Run Uv Em, And That Is Why I Okkepy That Responsible Posishun.
I Did Tech The Key Markt "War Dimekrat," For A Secesh Major Loozeaner, And He Came Out In A Towering Rage...
The Old Man Didn't Like To Be Told That Confedrit Soljers Shood Hey The Same Penshuns Ez The Northeru Hirelins Which Invaded The South So Brootally.
I Wish To Heaven I Cood Be A Keeper For Garfeeld. Hiz Man Hez A Soft Thing Uv It.
We Hev Too Extensive A Set Uv Prinsiples, And They Require Too Grate A Straddle To Kiver Em All.