The Virginia Gazette

Mr. Parks,

Of a Set of Men appear to me to be greater Lovers of Mankind, than those that distinguish themselves in the News-papers, by their frequent Advertisements. Hence it is, that we find them addressing the Reader to beware of Counterfeits, and expressing their Humanity by a constant Concern to prevent the Public's being imposed upon, without promising any uncommon Advantages to themselves: In this Class, I rank Mr. Touchtruth, and My self; and therefore, I cannot, without wronging my Character, omit taking Notice of a spurious Letter, published in his Name, in your Gazette, N°. 114.

To undeceive the World, I am obliged to declare, that I have received certain Advice, that about the middle of August, (my Correspondent cannot be certain to a Day,) Mr. Touchtruth was Seized with a very uncommon Distemper; violent Griping was his chief Complaint: Sometimes he would break out into a kind of unnatural Laughter, and at others appear'd extreamly Pensive. Doctor Annodyne, was of Opinion, that his Disorder lay chiefly in his Head; and expressly forbid his being suffered to put Pen to Paper, as a Thing of the most dangerous Consequence, and what might prove fatal to one in his Distemper. Poor Man! in the most violent Paroxysms, I was never out of his Thoughts; but, as he Sometimes utter'd my Name in a melancholy Tone of Voice; those that were about him, being utter Strangers to me, and unacquainted with the Intimacy betwixt us, imagined he had laid some great Injury to Heart, that had been done to him by the Person he so often mentioned. Towards the latter End of the last Month he began to be upon the mending Hand, and his Intellects were much clearer than they had been for some Time past, but as yet he is not capable of applying himself to any kind of Study; so that what has been last published in his Name, cannot be Genuine.

Yet, let any hold doubt the Truth of my Intelligence, I Shall endeavour to demonstrate, that this Impostor is as great a Stranger to Mr. Touchtruth, as he is to the true Import and Meaning of what he has wrote; which I shall attempt to set in a true Light. My Friend, Mr. Touchtruth is excellent, in Writing in that Style, which we call the Obscure; and in that, I must acknowledge; this Author has imitated him with pretty good Success, tho' he greatly mistakes his Sense, and Design, as I Shall shew in a few Instances. In the first Place, he falls heavily upon me, for having ridicul'd Mr. Touchtruth and his Family, instead of making Defence against the Questions proposed, tho' challenged to a Dispute. I must own I am, and I believe always shall be, at a Loss what Defence to make against a Question: But he should first have Shewn, that there had been a Question propos'd; which when he is pleas'd to point out, in the same Place, I will undertake to Shew him the Answer: And how he comes to imagine, that Mr. Touchtruth had challenged any Body to a Dispute, is very surprizing, when he himself says, —and so far I agree with him, that no such Matter was intended. — In short, Mr. Touchtruth's Design, is only to expose the Misbehaviour of the Inspectors; for no Man is better affected to the Laws in general, which constitute their Office, and prescribe their Duty, as may be plainly proved from his own Words. Several Gentlemen, says he, have put themselves to the Trouble to vindicate the Justice and Equality of the Inspection of our Staple, and further to applaud it as the only Means to promote the Welfare of the Country in general; all which I take to be the Labours of Vanity, &c. That is, it is Vanity to endeavour to vindicate the Justice of any thing which is self-evident; tho', in Compliance with the Humour of some People, he seems to give it another Turn. In another Place, there is a small Typographical Error, that renders the whole Sentence unintelligible; it runs thus: Reason would give the greatest Rewards where there is the greatest Labour incumbent on them; but what should be the Inducement to make that Difference is a Mystery to me: Whereas the true Reading is, Not to make that Difference, &c.

There is a notable Piece of Sophistry in another Part of Mr. Touchtruth's Letter, which some People may not easily apprehend, and therefore it may not be amiss to explain it; the Words are, If the Inspectors were made as absolute in Passing, as they are in Burning, the Grievance would not be so great: The Meaning of it is, that as the Inspectors, without Breach of their Oath, can pass no Tobacco, but such as in their Judgment is good and merchantable, nor burn any but such as is not: and so are under the same Obligation or Restraint, as well in Respect to what they pass, as to what they refuse; therefore the Inspection of Tobacco- is no such Grievance, as some People imagine. I understand Exception has been taken to what Mr. Touchtruth has wrote towards the Close of his Letter; which I cannot but acknowledge at first Sight, seems to reflect upon some Persons in Power: He expresses himself in the following Terms, I think there is but small Probability, that they that are made during their Continuance the arbitrary Judges of our Staple in one Part, can be the most able and discreet Judges, by reason that they are appointed by one Person who cannot be well acquainted with their Abilities, neither their Honesty; therefore must as Things now stand appoint them by the Direction of a few Persons who perhaps may not value the general Good of all Men, but may be BIAS'd by Interest to themselves, or particular Friends, or a Mixture of both. I shall not pretend to justify Mr. Touchtruth in this Observation; but this I think I may venture to affirm, that no Body can tax him with saying that those Gentlemen are led by the NOSE. Having, according to my Apprehension, explain'd those Passages in Mr. Touchtruth's Letter, which are apparently misunderstood, I have a Word or Two to say to the Person who has taken his Name upon him, viz. That tho' the Law has provided a Method for communicating the Sentiments of the People to the representative Body in Assembly; yet I would propose to his Consideration, how far justifiable it is, to stir them up to a Dislike of the Laws in being, (upon which perhaps the Fate of a Country may depend,) altho', in his own private Opinion, his Zeal may be ever so well grounded; for, as the Judgments of all Men are fallible, if he should happen to be mistaken in his Politicks, what Atonement can he afterwards propose to make to a ruined and misguided People.

I am,
Your humble Servant,
MORFOREO.