The Hagerstown Globe

My brain is in a whirl! Here I am, with only a few hours remaining for my Christmas shopping and I've lost my memorandum slip. Let me see; what was I gonna buy for the little wife? It certainly wasn't a washing machine because all her life she earned her cakes and coffee pounding a typewriter. Maybe it was a new kitchen range! Nope, that's out too, because every time I look into the kitchen she's opening cans. Ah, me, and I have only a few hours left!

The Little Dictator is on the job. When I left the house this morning she gave me a verbal list of what she expected when she dashes downstairs Christmas morning. Yes, sir—she named 'em, just like that! However, that isn't really surprising, because she's been "practicing up on me" for months and months. A bicycle, a Charlie McCarthy, a Colored Mammy Doll, a football, a necklace, a Mickey Mouse wrist watch, a bag of assorted toys, and a lot of candy canes, a supply of oranges, a Christmas tree decorated with electric lights, etc., etc. And I might add in passing that she has been casting a suspicious eye at our fireplace, and only last night she wondered what would happen if Santa got caught in the chimney. But I was ready for that one and told her that on Christmas Eve I'd leave a can of grease on the roof for Saint Nick—just in case! And that made me one up on her!

I'm truly worried. Here it is, just a few hours away and a heap of Christmas cards are staring at me. They haven't even been addressed. And I promised Uncle Sam that I'd cooperate with him. Boy, if you see Jake Hartle, tell him to hold everything because I'm on my way. Ah, well, after all I have a few hours left!

The crowd is terrific. These women are not only walking over my weary dogs, but they're giving me a lot of wise cracks. Some of 'em are actually savage. That big fat woman, for instance, just put me in my place! She didn't even say "pardon me" when she shoved my manly form forward! The next guy who says the female of the species is the weaker sex can get an argument out of me. If Dale Carnegie were in Hagerstown today he would be doing big league business with his book, "How to Win Friends and Influence People."

One of my friends just called across the street to me a "Merry Christmas" salutation. I hope so. So far Christmas has been a headache. And I haven't had a drink all day! If this pace keeps up I'll soon be cutting out paper dolls.

Ah, me! Now here's my nephew asking me if I've bought a Christmas present for his girl! Now I ask you (Continued on Page 8)
HANGOVERS

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is that a fair proposition to put to an uncle? On second thought this is probably just part of a "training" period all married men experience. In a few years the Little Dictator will be taking me for Christmas presents for her boyfriends.

Personally I think he should ask his aunt to take on this expense, because, after all, it was she who did the proposing!

(Note to paper carrier: Don't leave any of these papers on our street; this is Christmas Eve and I'll carry 'em myself.

See! I'm just full of the old Christmas spirit!)

Now, I've got practically everything - I hope! But if I sit up in bed tonight and yell "help," it won't be because I'm dreaming. It will be due to the fact that I've forgotten something. This worry is killing me. Boy, draw a bromo - just as a starter. Maybe I can be one step ahead of tomorrow's headache!

Anyway, this has been a lot of fun, and by golly I wouldn't miss it for the world, so before I close my eyes tonight I'm gonna wish you and the whole darned world, a MERRY CHRISTMAS!