The Hillsdale Standard

A Mississippi Electioneer.

The North Mississippi Union gives the following sketch of a speech delivered at Jackson, Tishomingo Co., Miss., by D. K. Russel, candidate for State Auditor. The Memphis Enquirer says it is a capital sketch, though not up to the original:

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN:—I rise; but there's no use of telling you that, you know I am up, as well as I do. I am a modest man, very; but I have never lost a picayune by it in my life; being a scarce commodity among candidates, I thought I would mention it, for fear if I didn't you never would hear of it.

Candidates are generally considered as nuisances but they are not, they are the politest men in the world. They shake you by the hand, ask how's your family, what's the prospect for crops, &c., and I am the politest man there is in the State. Davy Crockett says, the politest man he ever asked to drink, turned his, so that he might drink as much as he pleased. I beat that all hollow; I give a man a chance to drink twice if he wishes; I not only turn around, but shut my eyes. I am not only the politest man but the best electioneerer; you ought to see me shaking hands with the variations, the pump handle, and pendulum, the cross cut, and wiggle-waggle, I understand the science perfectly, and if any of the country candidates wish instructions, they must call on me.

Fellow-citizens, I was born if I hadn't been I wouldn't have been a candidate, but I am going to tell you where, twas not in Mississippi, but 'twas on the right side of the negro line; yet that's no compliment, as the negroes are mostly born on the same side. I started in the world as poor as a church mouse, yet I came honestly by my poverty, for I inherited it, and if I did start poor, no man can't say but that I have got my own remarkably well.

Candidates generally tell you; If you think they are qualified, &c. Now I don't ask your thoughts, I ask your votes. Why there's nothing to think of, except to watch and see that Swan's name is not on your ticket, if so strike it off and put mine on. I am certain that I am competent, for who ought to know better than I? nobody. I will allow that Swan is the best Auditor in the State; that is till I am elected; then perhaps it's not proper for me to say anything more, yet as an honest man, I am bound to say that I believe it's a grievous sin to hide anything from my fellow-citizens, therefore say that it's my private opinion, publicly expressed, that I'll make the best Auditor in the United States.

It is not for honor I wish to be Auditor, for in my own county I was offered an office that was all honor; Coroner, which I respectfully declined. The Auditor's office is worth some five thousand dollars a year, and I'm in for it like a thousand of brick. To show my goodness of heart I'll make this offer to my competitor, I am sure of being elected and he will lose nothing by the canvass. I am willing to divide equally with him, and make these two offers. I'll take the salary and he may have the honor, or he may have the honor and I'll take the salary. In the way of honor, I have received enough to satisfy me for life. I went out to Mexico, eat pork and beans; slept in the rain and mud, and swallowed everything except live Mexicans. When I was ordered to "go," I went. "Charge," I charged. "And break for the chaparral," you better believe I beat a quarter nag in doing my duty.

My competitor, Swan, is a bird of golden plumage, who has been swimming for the last four years in the Auditor's pond, at $5000 a year. I am for rotation. I want to rotate him out, rotate myself in. There's plenty of room for him to swim outside of that pond; therefore pop in your votes for me; I'll pop him out and pop myself in.

I am for a division of favor. Swan says he has to work all the time with his nose down upon the public grindstone. Four years must have ground it to a pint. Poor fellow, the public ought not to insist on having the handle of his mug ground clean off. I have a large, full grown and well blown nose, red as a beet and tough as a sole leather. I trust to the post of duty. I offer it as a sacrifice. I clap it on the grindstone Fellow-citizens grind away; grind till I holler enuff, and that'll be some time first, for I'll hang like grim death to a dead African.

Time's most out. Well, I like to forgot to tell you my name. It's Daniel, for short Dan Not a very handsome name, for my parents were poor people, who lived where the quality appropriated all the fine names, therefore they have to take what was left and divided around among us; but it's as handsome as I am; D. Russell Remember every one of you that it's not Swan.