Little Rock Daily Republican

As is usual on such occasions, many a luckless wight was made the butt-end of a joke at the sale of unclaimed express packages, which took place on Saturday last at Murphy & Co.'s auction rooms. It is not the ordinary Mrs. Toodles of society who hungers after such sales. Although she would purchase a second-hand coffin on the general principle that it might at some future period come useful in the family, she will bid on nothing she does not see. Not so with those who attend express sales, 'Tis the mysterious little package marked "C.O.D.," the uncertainty as regards its contents, the great eagerness to know its secret, that desire of mankind to purchase two hundred dollars worth of plunder for fifty cents, that catches the express-sale man. Hope is strong in the human breast, and not an individual purchased a package on Saturday but was filled with the strongest hopes that it might contain a fortune. 'Tis an excellent place to study human nature: the eager look of triumph with which one man takes his purchased parcel under his arm and retires to some secluded spot to dive into its unknown contents: the blank look of despairing disappointment as he returns, five minutes afterward, to try his luck again. To all inquiries of his good fortune he is as mysterious as the package itself. He would lead his friends, by hints and innuendoes, to believe that he has found a treasure, but the saw-dust scattered over his clothing and his tell-tale countenance speak plainer; he is put down as one of the victims.

A well-known old bachelor, who thus far in life has paddled his own canoe, without the assistance of a rib, found his little box to contain a small work entitled "Advice to Young Married Men," and a pamphlet, "How to Soothe Children while Teething." He has not been seen since, and is supposed to be forming plans for the foundation of a foundling hospital.

A Main street merchant paid $2.30 for a bundle of show-bills of Love's minstrels, and is now in search of variety talent, with the intention of giving chaste performances at Fourche Dam, Terry's Ferry and Rockport. No wine-room mashers wanted, for he claims this portion of the business as his own special prerogative. No Irish need apply.

A married man, a regular family man, one who can already form an octagon of his little limited liabilities, one of whom is always in long clothes, paid $5 for a Chicago lawyer's advertisement, "How, when and for what causes you can be divorced." As a specimen of Chicago's literature, he considers it a success. He wouldn't part with it for money. Whenever the female head of his domestic couch threatens a curtain lecture, he intends to soothe her by reading a chapter by way of admonition. By the side of this, a stuffed club is nowhere as a family monitor.

Judging from the amount of packages sold containing "strictly confidential" letters there are some in our midst who have been dealing extensively in bogus money, or would like to do so, and as a natural consequence got bit. The following is a specimen of the "strictly confidential:"

Dear Friend: Don't be alarmed at the contents of this box. We did this to mislead the detectives, who were watching us. The real stuff will be sent to you by express, free of charge, in two or three days.

We have a perfect right to sell this empty box, and you have a perfect right to buy it. We shall not charge you anything for the real stuff. This is a great secret and will effectually protect you against all possible trouble.

Don't say anything to the express agent in regard to it, but keep quiet and all will be well in due time. Remember, we sell you this empty box, and give you the goods.

Call at the express office in four or five days and the goods will be there.

KEEP COOL.