The Rhode Island Republican

MISCELLANEOUS ARTICLES!

From the Irishman.

At a numerous and respectable meeting of the Dogs of Gotham, convened near the sunny side of the Town Hall, on Wednesday last, at one o'clock, P. M. Mr. Lion Long-core being called to the door step, and Pero Pointer appointed Secretary, the former opened the meeting—observing that its object was understood to be, to take into consideration the alarming prevalence of human madness, whereby not one of the canine race could gnaw his bone in peace, but was exposed at all times and places to the greatest of vexation, and most serious calamities. He was ready to hear any one present touching the subject, either as to matters of fact in proof of the existing evil, or as to any proposed remedy.

A motion was made to adjourn to some vacant tenement for the more comfortable and private transaction of business; and objected to, for no tenement fit for a dog to occupy could be found vacant; this being the reason why idlers and vagabonds crowded into the Borough, to sponge the good natured pets of Gotham. His worship on the door-step proceeded to put the question for adjournment; desiring all in favor of it to raise their forepaws, and all of a contrary mind to wag their tails—it was declared that the tails had it; and the motion was lost.

Mr. Tyke Terrier said he could cite a number of instances to shew the prevalence of human madness, apparently of different kinds, as exhibiting different symptoms. Having lately been on a short journey with his master, he had, sometimes along the road, and often in towns and villages, seen cases of most decided and indisputable madness; he had seen many with their eyes and whole faces inflamed the saliva running from the corners of their mouths; staggering in their gait, and sometimes falling; their dress dirty and neglected, and their speech incoherent, probably from the swelling of their tongue. It seemed to partake of the hydrophobia character, inasmuch as they drank no water (unmixed)—but they had not a general aversion to liquids, making use of some kinds very freely. He had indeed sometimes seen a dozen together in this condition, exhibiting all manner of extravagancies and absurdities. Others again he had seen at Taverns sitting around a table for a whole night, playing divers idle tricks with pieces of stiff paper, and passing money from one to another, apparently without any value received, and even getting into such violent rage as it would puzzle any dog to account for upon rational principles. Upon the whole, he had ocular evidence of the most alarming extent of human madness.

Mr. Shocky Cushion-Loller said, he had noticed so much of late particularly in some style, and had lately been purchased with strange symptoms he had discovered in her conduct, which might serve as ought he knew, and in the madness now under consideration. He had seen her, while only himself was present, sit on the sofa, in laughing attitude, breathing tender sighs, and even heard her utter, in a kind of faint undertone soliloquy, the name of a gentleman, who sometimes came to the house. But on his entering a few minutes after, and giving some ardent but decorous manifestations of the state of his heart, she regarded him with stern and repulsive coldness; and wondered indeed, that she did, how he could have the presumption to address her in such a style. The dove had turned vulture, and that manner unaccountable, except upon the score of madness. Shocky was about to speak of some private freaks which his mistress and some intimate female acquaintance had indulged amongst themselves, but was called to order.

Mr. Badger Bite-Heels next rose, and vehemently and dogmatically declared, that it was useless to tire about details, when it was evident that the whole town was mad, of which numbers of the canine race had fatal experience. That if parents were in their sound senses they would restrain their boys as well as their dogs, or he believed they were the most mischievous of the two. That if the town was not mad, a gang of idle unprincipled vagabonds would not be tolerated in plundering and sponging the people winter, and beating and insulting them all seasons. Here one of the meeting hissed him to order, as reflecting not only upon the town, but indirectly upon a description of people, proverbial for their benevolent principles, amiable manners and exemplary lives. Mr. Biteheels insisted he was in order, and appealed to the door step when a cry of mad dog, from a rabble of boys, cut short the question, and dispersed the meeting sine die.