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Literary
February 21, 1957
West Side News
Columbus, Franklin County, Ohio
What is this article about?
Humorous epistolary letter from a parent in Chittlin' Switch to their son, a newly promoted seaman, sharing folksy advice and gossip about local engagements, family antics, DIY mishaps, an elderly woman's birthday, and an uncle's drunken arrest.
Clipping
OCR Quality
98%
Excellent
Full Text
Dear Son
By Joseph Martell
Chittlin' Switch Sunday Afternoon
It sure was good to hear from you last week and we are all so proud of you that you were promoted to full Seaman. But just remember that even though you have all that high rank, don't abuse your privileges and remember the old saying "do unto others as you would have them do unto you."
Well, there hasn't been much news around here since I wrote you last. I guess you remember me telling you about the old maid librarian getting herself engaged to that old retired cesspool cleaner. Well, I understand that the engagement is all off. She weighs about 330 pounds so about a month ago she went on a diet because her intended didn't want to marry her with all that poundage. She got weighed yesterday and the only thing she's taken off is her hat.
Your Sister, Morphine, is getting to be a problem and I guess she's seeing too many of those moving pictures at the Gen Theater. Your father says that he's going to build another bathroom in the house. Every night before she goes to bed she's in there for hours removing her rouge, lipstick, false eyelashes, hair switches, leg makeup and so on. He says it isn't a bathroom anymore it's a separation center.
That "do it yourself" fad has struck your paw. He was looking through one of those mechanics magazines that had directions on how to build your own hen house. Paw sent for it and spent about a week putting it up. He did a real good job on it but to my way of thinking he didn't follow the directions too well. Everytime the hens go out their little doorway to go into the yard they fall off the roof.
"The Chittlin' Switch Daily Bugle" sent a reporter over to interview old Grandmaw Sludge on the occasion of her 101st birthday. She's really a spry old woman, just between the two of us. She does her own housework, sewing, and slops her own hawgs. She doesn't even use glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
Well, guess that I can't think of much else to say right now. Oh, yes. As your Uncle Lushmore always says, anybody that can't get drunk by midnight ain't trying. Anyway, he got arrested the other day for being drunk. He told the Judge that he wasn't doing anything but being in the middle of the road on his hands and knees. Come to find out he was trying to roll up the little white line. He'll be out for Easter.
Your Sister, Morphine
By Joseph Martell
Chittlin' Switch Sunday Afternoon
It sure was good to hear from you last week and we are all so proud of you that you were promoted to full Seaman. But just remember that even though you have all that high rank, don't abuse your privileges and remember the old saying "do unto others as you would have them do unto you."
Well, there hasn't been much news around here since I wrote you last. I guess you remember me telling you about the old maid librarian getting herself engaged to that old retired cesspool cleaner. Well, I understand that the engagement is all off. She weighs about 330 pounds so about a month ago she went on a diet because her intended didn't want to marry her with all that poundage. She got weighed yesterday and the only thing she's taken off is her hat.
Your Sister, Morphine, is getting to be a problem and I guess she's seeing too many of those moving pictures at the Gen Theater. Your father says that he's going to build another bathroom in the house. Every night before she goes to bed she's in there for hours removing her rouge, lipstick, false eyelashes, hair switches, leg makeup and so on. He says it isn't a bathroom anymore it's a separation center.
That "do it yourself" fad has struck your paw. He was looking through one of those mechanics magazines that had directions on how to build your own hen house. Paw sent for it and spent about a week putting it up. He did a real good job on it but to my way of thinking he didn't follow the directions too well. Everytime the hens go out their little doorway to go into the yard they fall off the roof.
"The Chittlin' Switch Daily Bugle" sent a reporter over to interview old Grandmaw Sludge on the occasion of her 101st birthday. She's really a spry old woman, just between the two of us. She does her own housework, sewing, and slops her own hawgs. She doesn't even use glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
Well, guess that I can't think of much else to say right now. Oh, yes. As your Uncle Lushmore always says, anybody that can't get drunk by midnight ain't trying. Anyway, he got arrested the other day for being drunk. He told the Judge that he wasn't doing anything but being in the middle of the road on his hands and knees. Come to find out he was trying to roll up the little white line. He'll be out for Easter.
Your Sister, Morphine
What sub-type of article is it?
Epistolary
Satire
What themes does it cover?
Social Manners
Moral Virtue
What keywords are associated?
Humorous Letter
Small Town Gossip
Family Advice
Local Anecdotes
Folksy Humor
What entities or persons were involved?
By Joseph Martell
Literary Details
Title
Chittlin' Switch Sunday Afternoon
Author
By Joseph Martell
Subject
Letter To Promoted Son Sharing Local News
Form / Style
Humorous Folksy Prose Letter
Key Lines
Don't Abuse Your Privileges And Remember The Old Saying "Do Unto Others As You Would Have Them Do Unto You."
She Got Weighed Yesterday And The Only Thing She's Taken Off Is Her Hat.
He Says It Isn't A Bathroom Anymore It's A Separation Center.
Everytime The Hens Go Out Their Little Doorway To Go Into The Yard They Fall Off The Roof.
Drinks Right Out Of The Bottle.
Come To Find Out He Was Trying To Roll Up The Little White Line.