The Iola Register

KANSAS CLIPS AND COMMENTS

Emporia and Santa Fe ought to try Kid-ne-oids for their trouble.

A Chicago company sunk $5,000 in cold cash in a cold storage plant at Girard.

A Galena girl whom Cupid slighted embraced Morpheus by taking morphine, and the funeral was held next day.

An auctioneer and his family have recently located at Horton, but society is shunning him until he calls first.

At a depth of 180 feet Great Bend flows; she has a six foot vein of coal and the vanity of the town is beyond endurance.

Emporia is not so bloomin' effete. A restaurant there is making a great hit by advertising the arrival of $40 worth of tooth picks.

A local paper after noting the sale of a kiss for $500 in London, says there are girls in Salina who couldn't give kisses away with cigars.

Leoti Standard: There are three ways of communicating news, telegraph, telephone and tell-a-woman, but the greatest of these is tell-a-woman.

The Joplin, (Mo.,) News says a carpenter was arrested there recently and fined $1 on suspicion, and says farther on that he resembled Mr. Peffer, of Kansas.

The Florence Bulletin, remembering Helen of Troy and the present siege of Ladysmith, says that "wo men are at the bottom of all the trouble in this world."

Does the Populist party mean that it has given up the fight when it announces that it intends to convert Jerry Simpson's warlike Bayonet into a peaceful "organ?"

Such a demand is expected for the Sheldon edition of the Capital that two competing newsboys fought recently at Wellington as to which should be given the sale.

An innocent old farmer down in Crawford county who has lived on the next farm to a widow for years and never proposed is being sued by her for "malicious persecution."

The stickier the mud the more Kansas people are becoming stuck on the movement for good roads. A few more months like January and something would possibly be done.

Coffeyville men have a zinc mining company which they call the "Holy Moses" company, probably in the hope that the name will carry them through the rushes to the new fields.

A Salina man has just been informed that he is one of the principal heirs to an English estate worth $250,000,000, but so far he has been too busy on the farm to look into the matter.

A "music lover" contributed a prayer to the Kansas City papers asking the women to please not slobber over Paderewski as they did over Hobson, and there is a large suspicion that Paddy was the author.

Many a harrowing tale and close shave will be the result of the meeting of the barbers of the State at Hutchinson, but fortunately there is an abundance of salt brandy.

The Populists deny that it was the anarchistic atmosphere which they expect to find at Ft. Scott since the lynching which induced them to choose that town for their State convention.

The day a 12 pound son was born to Jed Clark of Cottonwood Falls, he (Jed) caught 12 fish that weighed 12 pounds each. The local paper failed to note the brand, but it is presumed all were suckers.

The old plainsman who edits the Arkansas Traveler snorts at the report that a Baltimore professor has declared whisky no good for snake bite and declares it "carrying scientific research too far."

The two extremes in Kansas are said to be the figures which men submit as representing their wealth when talking to the write-up man for the special edition and when conversing with the assessor.

The agitation to have a working capital-punishment law enacted in this State will make the forty-nine men now in the pen condemned to death long for their lost right of franchise that they might vote a loud and unanimous "no."

An Eldorado man had a son away at College and, being onto the boy's curves, when the kid asked for money to recover his watch which he had dropped in the river, wrote: "Watch not worth diving for. As well soaked one place as another."

A Kansas City paper suggests that the following be incorporated in the Kansas school arithmetics: 1,500 grains make one ear; 60 ears make one bushel; 226,000,000 bushels make one Kansas crop; one Kansas crop makes the wheels go 'round.

Frank Montgomery: The wealthiest colored man in Kansas is I. G. Groves, of Edwardsville, Wyandotte county. He owns one of the largest potato farms in the Kaw valley, and ships potatoes to the market by the train load. Eighteen years ago he began without a dollar in the world. He now owns 320 acres of fine Kaw valley land valued at $48,000. He also owns city and town property worth several thousand dollars, and his personal property amounts to more than $3,000. Mr. Groves has 1,000 fruit trees on his place and he owns the Groves' park, one of the most picturesque spots in Wyandotte county. He has a fine family and occupies a big fourteen-room house supplied with gas, water, telephone and all modern conveniences. His home cost something like $5,000 and his barn $1,500.

Kansas has the largest membership in the A. O. U. W. of any State in the Union.

TO STOP A COLD.

After exposure or when you feel a cold coming on, take a dose of FOLEY'S HONEY AND TAR. It never fails to stop a cold if taken in time. Take nothing else. Evans Bros.