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Literary
November 25, 1925
The Tri County News
Grand Rapids, Wood County, Ohio
What is this article about?
Eleanor hires Graham as butler and Perkins as coachman, recommended by friend Margaret, but mistakenly assigns Graham to the kitchen and Perkins to the stables, leading to absurd behaviors and confusion until Margaret reveals the mix-up on her departure day.
Clipping
OCR Quality
98%
Excellent
Full Text
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I presume you are accustomed to doing the marketing? The second man will show you where I trade."
"I have purchased all the food for Mrs. Dorlan for two years," was his ungrammatical rejoinder.
"Food not feed. Graham—Certainly, madam."
While his manner of serving dinner might prove to be Graham's strong point, conversation certainly was not.
The following morning, in pursuance of my weekly custom, I visited the stables. Perkins was industriously polishing the silver of one of the harnesses as I entered. He ceased as I addressed him.
"Do you find the stables in good order, Perkins?"
"There is need of some slight dusting, madam, and the plate is a bit dingy."
Here was a prodigy indeed. A coachman whose first complaint was of the dust, and who prescribed the harness trimmings as "plate"!
"How are the horses?"
"To tell the truth, madam, I have not seen them as yet," was his astounding reply.
"Not seen them? I do not like your indifference, Perkins. I supposed your greatest interest would be in the horse-flesh."
"I regret, madam, that I have been remiss, but I slept poorly last night on account of the odor of the stables, and have not had my much desired opportunity to inspect the animals."
And the horses not twenty feet from where he was standing! With all his grandiloquence, he was worse than Graham.
For the next two weeks every glimpse of either of the men brought fresh cause for amazement. In all justice I must say that never had I known servants who so unhesitatingly obeyed my every order. An instruction once given was the signal for absolute and silent obedience on their part; but their consistent, constant failure to appreciate the character of their employment nearly drove me into nervous prostration. I resolved to bear it until Margaret came to see me before sailing, and then to ask her where to send the men. Keep them I would not.
Margaret called on the morning of the day of her departure. Her sympathy at my tale of desperation was consoling, but she was utterly at a loss for an explanation. The incidents of the misfit dress suit, and of the coachman's lack of interest in the horses puzzled her intensely.
We had tacitly left the subject of her proteges when Graham's appearance at the door, to announce luncheon, brought her close to me with a movement of evident surprise.
"What is he doing in the house?"
"He is announcing luncheon, which he will presently serve very poorly," I replied with some bitterness.
"And Perkins? Is he in the stable?"
"I trust so, Margaret."
A peal of laughter rang through the house.
"Great heavens, Eleanor!" she cried. "You have put the butler in the stable, the horseman in the hall! Didn't you know?—Perkins is the butler and Graham the groom!"
I presume you are accustomed to doing the marketing? The second man will show you where I trade."
"I have purchased all the food for Mrs. Dorlan for two years," was his ungrammatical rejoinder.
"Food not feed. Graham—Certainly, madam."
While his manner of serving dinner might prove to be Graham's strong point, conversation certainly was not.
The following morning, in pursuance of my weekly custom, I visited the stables. Perkins was industriously polishing the silver of one of the harnesses as I entered. He ceased as I addressed him.
"Do you find the stables in good order, Perkins?"
"There is need of some slight dusting, madam, and the plate is a bit dingy."
Here was a prodigy indeed. A coachman whose first complaint was of the dust, and who prescribed the harness trimmings as "plate"!
"How are the horses?"
"To tell the truth, madam, I have not seen them as yet," was his astounding reply.
"Not seen them? I do not like your indifference, Perkins. I supposed your greatest interest would be in the horse-flesh."
"I regret, madam, that I have been remiss, but I slept poorly last night on account of the odor of the stables, and have not had my much desired opportunity to inspect the animals."
And the horses not twenty feet from where he was standing! With all his grandiloquence, he was worse than Graham.
For the next two weeks every glimpse of either of the men brought fresh cause for amazement. In all justice I must say that never had I known servants who so unhesitatingly obeyed my every order. An instruction once given was the signal for absolute and silent obedience on their part; but their consistent, constant failure to appreciate the character of their employment nearly drove me into nervous prostration. I resolved to bear it until Margaret came to see me before sailing, and then to ask her where to send the men. Keep them I would not.
Margaret called on the morning of the day of her departure. Her sympathy at my tale of desperation was consoling, but she was utterly at a loss for an explanation. The incidents of the misfit dress suit, and of the coachman's lack of interest in the horses puzzled her intensely.
We had tacitly left the subject of her proteges when Graham's appearance at the door, to announce luncheon, brought her close to me with a movement of evident surprise.
"What is he doing in the house?"
"He is announcing luncheon, which he will presently serve very poorly," I replied with some bitterness.
"And Perkins? Is he in the stable?"
"I trust so, Margaret."
A peal of laughter rang through the house.
"Great heavens, Eleanor!" she cried. "You have put the butler in the stable, the horseman in the hall! Didn't you know?—Perkins is the butler and Graham the groom!"
What sub-type of article is it?
Prose Fiction
Satire
What themes does it cover?
Social Manners
What keywords are associated?
Servant Mix Up
Humorous Misunderstanding
Social Comedy
Butler Groom
Class Roles
Literary Details
Key Lines
"You Have Put The Butler In The Stable, The Horseman In The Hall! Didn't You Know?—Perkins Is The Butler And Graham The Groom!"