Wood County Reporter

Machine Poetry.-Well, Paul, Hurrah! let's get out the old Machine and give out advertising patrons some business poetry,-something that will stir em up and let the public know what they are doing. Grease it up, well, just turn that nut a little, there, that'll do. Now brush out the hopper --turn slow, just a little slower:- There, that's about right.-

O. come Merinda my ge-

Hold on Paul, just loosen that screw a little, there, now turn,

O. come my Merinda my gentle gazelle.
Just put on your bonnet and shawl,
And we'll stroll down to Mosher's-see what he's to sell.
And maybe we'll saunter a dollar or two for gay fixings for baby to wear,-
Just see 'them molasses' and teas,
And here's a neat gingham and yonier's a pair Of shoes, is this Limburger cheese?

There. hold on. Paul. that'll do for Ike, just loosen up that ratchet and we'll give Bro. Cole a stanza. There. turn slowly. Let's give him another meter so as not to wear the machine

My love is a darling she's gentle and good.
She buys the provisions and brings in the wood.
And she knows what to buy to make excellent food For the babies, God bless their sweet souls,
She's handsome, she's gay, she's a trump, she's so willing.
She'll gather more "truck" with a quarter or shilling.
And bring into the house without ever spilling For she does all her trading at Cole's.

There. hold! That's the kind of a wife to have isn't it Paul? Now tighten her up a little because we want to go for Butler & Smith, and that cabinet ware is heavy on machinery There, let her move.

Come darling let's look into Butler & Smith's,
You know we're in want of a table-
See here is a bedstead just right for a king,
How's this for the baby or Mabel?
What is it? just look, a sweet little chair Just something she never will spoil
As gay as a picture all painted in brown And such a neat round little stool

There Paul! that's your fault, you turned too fast or twouldn't have made such poetry. Never mind, it can't be helped. We mustn't forget Bro. Warren,--Let her slide.

Susan don't you want a rocker Or a set of cane seat chairs,
If you do, we'll go to Warren's Look below. then go upstairs.
See, here's a neat little wash table Top, a neat verse is pretty, there
A spring bed. here a mattress-
This of sea-grass that of hair.

How's that for M. C. ? Now then. let's give Bodette a rip snorter--Fill up the hopper.

Boots! Boots !! Well what of it, If you want 'em just go to Bodette's.
Shoes! Shoes!! Well what of that. They'll match with those neat pantaiettes.

There Paul_but you couldn't help it turn.

nuo's got such a oof neat rogans Exactl likey Mar An;'s Anl misses shoes aut slippers too Why, anything in shape of shoe You can set Of Bodette, You Bet.

I guess the old machine wants oiling, it grinds rather queer. Now let's give Daly & King a stanza.

Leg of mutton, side of lamb.
Sirloin steak or sugar-cured hams A brace of chickens-goose or turk E'en sausage, shoulder, or nice jerk Elk venison, lard or tallow.
If you send your boy or gal or Go to their store-most anything You can buy With stamps of Daly & King.

There, Paul, that last line is a little too long. Screw it up a little. Now Uncle Bill Miller is in order. Fill up the hopper again.

O. come into the bargain mall.
And teeth is humming a zine.
Come my "Sweet William" how is this For first day's seeing machine.
See. here are blankets such a pile Any yarns of jeans ab'ticking-
Look out for dry goods dress. the kerosene oil And "them molasses" sticking.

Some "reformer" 's been fooling with this machine, Paul. We must keep it away from 'em or they'll spoil it "running it" for District Attorney. It can't be helped now. Throw in a grist for Rablin. Turn s-l-o-w-l-y.

O. don't you remember. John Rablin my boy Who sells lumber and pickets and lath Just put in your fares and we'll take a survey with-mercantile palace and see what he hath Look here's such a cargo of gingham and prints, And yonder's a pile of brocades-such stacks Of linens and woolens, delaines and of chintz- "O my." aren't those pretty, are those 'Merrimacks'?

Now Paul we'll give Emmons a revolution or two,

Twere sweet to be remembered By your "loveyer" with a ring
"O would I were a girl again— I'd give most anything If I could only have a chain This one is such a botch,
Just wait till father sells his grain I'll have that Elgin watch.

Paul the old machine is "just whistlin" isn't it. Now heave in some Pink and Senna and we'll give the Wood Co. Drug Store a rattler. Let 'er buzz.

Would you have a porous plaster Or a box of lightning pills,
Or a box of alabaster Or a dose for ague chills
If you would just go to the Wood Co. Drug Store where you ca--

Hold on Paul. the old machine don't put any feet in the verse. Its all out of tune. Never mind let 'er go.

Here's Lord next on the docket.

If you want a side saddle go to Lord's, or a harness. or a pair of leather suspenders, or a waxed end, go to Lord's

Hold on Paul, that's pretty poetry. It don't rhyme worth a cent. Never mind it tells the truth anyhow. Well lets grind out Tim Daly.

Apples. peaches. nuts and plums Cabbage, turnips, bagas, taters,
Oysters shelled. and chewing gums,
Allspice, sage and nutmeg graters Raw or candle, tall and slim You can buy of tiny Tim.

Hold! Paul, we forgot Warner. Throw in some carpet tacks.

Mary had a little lamb.
She kept it in a grove.
And fed it on sweet mush and milk She cooked on Warner's stove.
When it got fat she sold the wool That clothed the little dear.
And bought a bran new cooking stove-- A No. 9 "Frontier.

That'll do for ".L. B." Now Mrs. Boguslausky. and we will put up the old machine till 'election. That's a tough name to run through the hopper so go slow.