Sunbury American

Auten a Candidate.—J. J. Auten, of the Watsontown Record, who has gone through the mill several times as a Democratic candidate, and put on the shelf by his friends to be used in the future, has again announced himself, and now is a candidate for the Democratic nomination for Prothonotary. But we presume that John is not very sincere in his aspiration, judging from the following humorous sketch of his past experience published in the Record of last week:

"Running for Office.—When a man becomes a candidate for office he is regarded as public property, and although he may succeed in his aspirations, the protection thrown around him by himself and friends serves but little in counteracting the stories of his opponents and interested politicians who always work with a zeal worthy a better cause to gain their ends. The satisfaction relished by this fact alone is enough to inspire every candidate with confidence in the business, and to induce him to place a Niagara price on his moral worth and political integrity! A candidate very frequently starts out "at the urgent solicitation of his many friends" and comes back at the modest request of politicians and an ungrateful convention. For the glorious privilege of being a candidate he has a red nose, a bad breath, no soles on his shoes, no character, no friends, his trousers torn by a farmer's infuriated dog, while his pocket contains nothing but a bunch of musty tickets, made so by the sweat produced while vigorously denying a certain base fabrication promulgated in the interest of a candidate who left just twenty minutes ago! So it runneth! He comes home from the convention and gives his wife and neighbors an elaborate description of how near he came being nominated, and is very certain that he will never forget "those fellows" who planned and unquestionably caused his defeat. The "ifs" are brought in at regular intervals in the narrative, while his affectionate wife, ever mindful of her sacred vows, gives encouragement to her disappointed by telling him that "it is just as I expected," and "you might have known better, you old goose!"

The writer hereof is not without experience in the business whereof we speak, although we never had it as bad as some others. Last year (we are certain as to time) we started for Harrisburg to be a legislator. We had nearly everything fixed, nothing remained undone but a few preliminary arrangements which were necessary and could only be properly transacted in the Court House at Sunbury. The world knows the rest and so do we? To go "up the spout" was our only inevitable, and John went. Our name is again in that long list of "boderation candidates," and if we are again defeated, we will just oil up our old press, take off our coat, spit on our hands and—help with our little paper to elect the whole ticket, and if any one growls about that he ought to be nominated next year to make his living by selling pork to the Jews, or by keeping a country tavern in a local option county after everybody else is dead?"