The Newport Gazette

(Generous Virginians!—Those who
have trusted to your promises now reap the
fruits of their ill-timed credulity. The
ministers of Great-Britain were desired to re-main as spectators, till the controversy be-
tween the mother country and her colonies
should be finally settled, and the faith of
your congress pledges that they should not be
injured in their property, or obliged to take
arms against their King and Country.——
But you, like men of real integrity have
followed the example of your heroic Gene-ral, and your proclamation, like his, is un-doubtedly issued for the good of the public,
and will be as strictly observed.)

FOR the NEWPORT GAZETTE.
Signed, Written and Printed.
SWIFT.

It has been asserted as one of the causes
of the present great decline of the rebel-lion, that the conductors of it are men
of neither natural nor acquired abilities,
chosen from the very lees of the community,
destitute of property as of virtue and ripeness for
any mischief that could make them rich
through it were big with desolation to their
country. That far the greater part of them
are justly liable to this description, is a truth
of the first evidence; and that many of
their associates are discovering it, is unde-niable. Yet in this gang of rebel chiefs let
us acknowledge there is one at least whose
history deserves to be recorded, one whose
but brazen leaves of enamel are
exceeding scarce, so that we must content
ourselves with common ink and paper.

The vulgar with an eye too feeble to be-hold the radiancy of his character, distin-guished him by an appellation intended as
a sarcasm whilst it commemorates one
of the most elaborate and valuable discove-ries that ever graced the fields of physic or
William Bragg's investigation:

The surname General Put, is a man's the
rere gels of whose ancestors indeed have not
we'll the Herald's book, tradition how-ever takes it clear he has since his early
youth acted uprightly in a public character;
he stood in the streets selling that generous
fruit the Huckle-berry.

Thus at an early period of his life like
plenty with her horn he stood distributing
the succulent and blushing honors of the
earth. Whether this general officer kept a
green stall for the sake of profit, or merely
as a pastime, is a point concerning which
much may be said, and little settled. It was
observed of Diogenes, how pride was visible
through his rags; and thus many people
fond of prognostication often conceived they
saw the rudiments of future greatness vivid-ly beaming through the clouds of his occu-pation of Huckleberry Selling.

William, translated from the stall to the
tent, bartering the scales for the spontoon,
awhile amused himself in the soft transport
of contemplating his transformatiion. No
plant of his acquaintance, (and many a one
he knew) no fruit had ever flourished at a
rate so very rapid. He scarcely felt because
he felt so much. But what in grandeur!
cruel condition of all human happiness!
No rose without a thorn! The General alas
could neither write nor read!

At the good age of forty years and six to
go to school, to learn the hand, or spread
even a greater surface in his person to the
impending birch, was an engagement of a
ature quite repugnant to his modesty, and
to the dignity of his station as a general:
On the other side, to be unable to read even
a report, count a number exceeding that of
his fingers, or sign a letter to the congress
but with a cross, was an experimentum crucis
on his patience. I could not resist. Long
like a pendulum did he suspended full of
this afflicted care, vibrate through the void.
of miserable irresolution. How weighed the
matter with all the care he had displayed in
happier although less splendid days, when
with united hand he poised—his huckle-berries. In this disastrous dilemma his
planet sent relief under the shape of his fat
friend Badcock, the great M.G. A private
master! and the Gordian knot is solved.

It was done, and in forty times the space
that measures day from night, the general
was completely master of his primer. The
progress of his pen kept pace exactly with
his other acquisition, and if renown has not
bestowed more commendation than the
ought upon her favorite, he could in little
more than two short moons, write either of
his names: West: or that other we alrea-dy have related, with the addition of B. G.

Rillery, disclaim a notion taken up too
largely! Cease to assert that all the rebel
leaders are men of poor abilities. Think
of B. G. and blush!

Mounted upon the pinnacle of literature
new scenes unfolded all their wonders to his
view. He darted his pervading optics thro'
the mazy woods of science, and presently
repeated all his numeration table.

The sun rose every morning to admire
the improvements of this stupendous green
grocer. To say he soon became so great a
General as any in the neighborhood of his
own town North Kingston, is last may
be credited at once; but to declare he
even penetrated the mysteries of medicine
and with superlative success, needs every
possible testimony to gain belief.

What accident determined him to this
study, whether it was desire of compen-sating for all the mischief he intended to bring
to mankind as a great general, or of esta-blishing the vital powers upon firmer base
than they commonly are known to mature;
is quite uncertain. Indisputable. it is, the
discovery he made in the art of healing is of
such magnitude as to throw many judicious
persons into an absolute doubt of determi-ning whether he has not as clear a title to
the addition M. D. as B. G. we choosing to
take a middle and conciliating path will
Li-Wi.lliam W.a.a.
B. G. and M. D. both.

Nature composed the human frame after
a model so nicely complicated, that exposed
to the severest pangs, and sweetest pleasures,
it becomes too soon a prey to both, when
exercised too frequently; but heaven born
art steps in, and powerfully supports it a-gainst the depredations of it's foes.— Yet
to return. The Strangury or retention of
urine is justly numbered amongst the most
excruciating distempers that afflict our frame;
a distemper so perfectly representing
a want of liberty, was likely to become no
unsuccessful candidate for favor from the
hand of William West, B. G. Accordingly
we find he generously laboured to relieve
the bloated bladders of his country.

Doctor and General, he aimed to settle
the American Affairs, turning into fit chan-nels his independency and urine. Disdaining
to perform a cure by the materia medica, he
chose rather to be thought a sort of conjuror
by charming down the symptoms. A.
an instance of this power we have to men-tion the case of the General's first patient.

It was a hale and well built soldier in the
prime of sixty-three, Of a habit not very sun-guine, meagre tall, a tinge of saffron in the
cheek, the nose bordering upon the poppy,
the eyes well sunk, and like the latter part
of the Enigma of the Sphinx, the whole
creature going upon three legs. No sooner
had this wretch exhibited to the streaming eyes of Huc-kleberrius, than the doctoring General drew
forth his generous pen and wrote the follow-ing talisman, addressed not to the invisi-ble and fleeting spirits of the air, nor to the
sisters of the moon; but to all it concerns.

The barber of this here Daniel Dudel
Gentleman Drummer is empowered by me
to pass from hence to Connecticut, and from
Connecticut to pass to the main, without stop-pago,
his affairs require him to pass
West B G

Whoever is curious enough to measure the
distance hence delivered will soon form
judgment of the efficacy of the remedy,
which we are naturally to suppose was pro-perly proportioned to the violence of the
complaint.

Now let the college of physicians be en-veloped in a cloud of London Smoke:
Let Aesculapius and his serpent lick the dust,
while burning Seringo exhale their gentle
perfumes to the more than human nostrum
of Doctor Huckleberry. Ye matrons bow-ed in age, ye virgins fairer than the morn-ing dew, pour out libations to this watery
God. Drink tea or punch ye nymphs with-out dismay, the doctoring General can give
you ease, such as he gave to Daniel Dudel.
and thou Sweet reputation like a buoyant
cork shalt float through ages on the stream
of time conveying to the ravished ears of
half the globe, the name of General West.
B. G. M.D. and Huckleberry Merchant.