American Republican And Baltimore Daily Clipper

[From the Apalachicola Advertiser.]

SELLING SNAKES.

A short time since, as one of our steamboats was wending her way to the head of navigation, she 'brought up' at an 'intermediate port between this place and the junction of the Chattahoochee and Flint rivers, for the purpose of 'wooding' or landing freight. As soon as she had touched the bank, bow line made fast and plank out, she was boarded by one of those not very rare specimens of humanity, a grown live 'hoosier,' bearing all the outward marks and brands which designate the 'green horn' genus. Only waiting till the noise made by blowing off steam had ceased, with his hat drawn down on his eyes and his hands firmly buried to the elbows in his trowsers' pockets, he marched resolutely up to the clerk of the boat, and in a loud, uncultivated tone inquired "If he didn't want to buy a living rattle snake." The clerk, like most of "the boys" on our steamboats, being particularly fond of a joke, and "knowing his man," immediately conceived a plan by which some fun might be had in these dull and low prices. Assuming an air "as serious as a judge," he propounded to the snake man many questions as to the size, age, color and order of his reptile, gravely remarking, after all his interrogations had been answered satisfactorily, that he was not just then in the snake market himself, but there was a commercial house in Apalachicola who were loading a ship for Liverpool, and that part of the cargo was to consist of a rare collection of wild beasts, birds, and reptiles; that every thing curious was in great demand, and snakes, if they were the real pizen, would readily bring from fifteen to twenty dollars a head." The "hoosier," elated with the thought of what a handsome sum he could make, thanked the clerk profoundly for his information, and immediately set out home, where he ordered all hands to drop every thing else and go to catching snakes. By the time the next boat passed that way, bound for this port, he had succeeded in capturing, alive and unharmed, a barrel of the most poisonous serpents, embracing every variety and hue that crawled in his "diggins"-adder, the moccasin, the rattle snake, &c., of all ages and sizes. Having them placed on board the boat, regularly "shipped in good order and well conditioned, marked and numbered as in the margin, and to be delivered at the port of Apalachicola, to Messrs. B. & H." per direction of the clerk aforesaid, he paid his passage and took them in his own care, to make their delivery doubly certain. As soon as he had arrived here, his first inquiry was for the location of the above firm, having found which, he presented himself with all the dignity of a man engaged in legitimate trade, stated the information he had received from the steamboat clerk, and desired that his snakes should be put at once upon the market. Understanding the hoax at once, and determining not to spoil the fun, Messrs. H. & B. regretted that they had just filled their last order for snakes, but had no doubt they would meet with ready sale, as there were several houses in the trade, and he was directed to one of these. By this time the news became general, and every body knew that there was a snake vender in town, and all had a disposition to "humor the joke." Reading the signs along the way, our snake friend soon presented himself at another counter and demanded "if they didn't want to buy some snakx?" Here he was interrogated with business like gravity, as to the age, size and species, to which he replied that "they were of all sizes-little, midlin and big; old, young, and middle aged; spreadin adders, copper belled, high-land, and water moccasins; striped and yaller rattle snakes; but they were all the real genuine pizen, warranted to bite if they could, and to kill if they bit." These were just the kind they had wanted and they were extremely sorry he had not arrived a day or two earlier, as it was probable they might have purchased the "whole lot;" however, there was a firm a few doors below who were in the snake market, and would no doubt be glad of so good an opportunity of furnishing their friends in Liverpool with such variety of poisonous serpents;" and to this house he was directed. In this way the poor unsuspecting, unsophisticated snake catcher was driven from house to house, from number to number, until at last the day began to wane and the prospects of a sale to grow dim, he presented himself, with flushed cheek and perspiring forehead, to the captain of one of our vessels, who, he had been told, would probably take the whole lot at a fair price, and asked in despairing and almost suppliant tone, "Don't you want to buy my snakx?" The captain was prepared for the question as the joke had reached the climax-and an unaffected, irresistible roar of laughter broke from the crowd who had collected to hear his 'last appeal. The snake man stood aghast, the very picture of utter amazement and wonder; but verdant as he was, a ray of light broke in upon him, and he began to understand that he had been completely taken in. If any doubts still lingered about his obtuse intellect, they were effectually removed by the remarks of the crowd. "Well," said he, after pausing awhile as if to bring his mind to a focus upon the extent of his wrongs-"well! its a d--n mean trick, any how, to serve a feller. Here I've had three niggers two days a katchin' snakx, takin' a sight of pains to get 'em without a bruise or a scratch-run the risk of bein bit by the blasted pisen things-paid three dollars to come down on the d--d old boat; deck passage, at that, and the danger of bustin' up thrown in-paid thirty-seven-and-a-half cents freight on the barrel-lost three days' work myself and wore my legs a'most off a trampin' over your oyster shells and sand-got your nasty fleas all over me a bitin'-and haint sold nary snake! It's a low life trick, any way you can fix it, and that's what a feller gits by havin' any dealin's with your steamboat clerks and your town people-the outlandish set in all creation! I'll clop every snakx head off, and take 'em back home, for they shouldn't crawl in no such dod rotted place as this is!" And the "green'un" was downright savage. To appease his wrath however, "the boys" treated to the best the town afforded; made up a subscription to pay his passage back home, in the cabin; and promised never to buy a snake from any body but him, because he produced the real pizen breed. Having put his threat of beheading the serpents into execution, he left our city in the return boat, with his barrel of dead vipers, in much better humor than could have been expected-declaring, however, most roundly to the last, that "he'd never believe a d--d steamboat clerk agin' as long as he lived, and that he had made his first and last trip to Apalachicola."