The Empire County Argus

Correspondence of the Argus :

Johnstown, June 28, 1854

Mr. Argus :—I see you print my effusions—they are pretty things—but you omitted my inquiries about the County officers. Now I do not intend to take any of the wind out of your sails. I desire to know who they are, where they live, how they look, what they eat, how they dress, and how they have their hair cut, whether half fight or full fight --where they sleep—whether married or single— they don't drink, of course—officials never drink.

I am in Johnstown yet. Miners do first rate here, wash out gold every day. But what do I care for mining, I am engaged in more aristocratic business. I am log-rolling for Constable. I expect to make my first political speech Saturday night next, at a primary meeting. I have great encouragement; Demosthenes made a poor beginning, he spoke on the sea shore, with pebble stones in his mouth to overcome stammering; succeeded and became the most famous among Grecian orators. I chew tobacco, this will answer for the pebble stones, and a political meeting will do for the sea shore; thus a brilliant triumph is before me; and why not? I am going to Georgetown on the Fourth of July, will be invited to the grand Picnic dinner no doubt, when I shall hear about the "Star Spangled Banner" and "Freedom of the Seas" and will consider myself called upon to respond. I will address myself to the ladies—warming up a little—rejoice over the treaty with Japan, recommend the acquisition of Cuba and define my position upon "woman's rights," then take my seat amid cheers and applause.

I studied Murray's Grammar, when young, and recollect of admiring the feminine gender—the only thing I ever did admire in a Grammar—I remember meeting a black eyed girl one day on a bridge, her lips in color like the opening bud of a rose. Talk about graven images, there is not, nor never was anything like her—on earth, and it is not wrong to worship her—memory, I mean. If it is, I am an idolater and will refuse conversion to the last. This much for my attainments in grammar. How would this do for my Fourth of July speech? alluding to the Sultan of Turkey by way of illustration. My friend the Major will celebrate independence with me. He says he shall put pebble stones in his boots to prevent making his speech too long. The disciple of my Lord Coke will accompany us with a volume of the Codified Laws under his arm, ready to read the riot act in the event of a row. The Major, the admirer of Blackstone and Crow Bar, will cut a magnificent figure travelling up the "Broadway" of Georgetown, on the glorious Fourth.

In the evening, at the Ball, Esq. Southworth, principal floor manager, will join us and then won't some hearts go pit-a-pat?

When I was a boy I went to a fourth of July celebration, had exactly four cents; I disbursed one cent for gingerbread, and expended another for cider, the proceeds making me a sumptuous dinner. At night I invested a third cent in gingerbread, obtaining a chunk large as a brick: eat all I could and carried home the remainder to my sisters, to whom I related my adventures, exceeding Sinbad the sailor in my delineations. The fourth cent I retained, whereupon my mother predicted that one day I would be a rich man (made a mistake).

Some days after I consented to lend the cent to my mother to buy needles. I was happy then, and happier still when I met the black eyed girl on the bridge, and would be happiest could I see her now.

Mr. Argus, the tear starts in my eyes— Let's take a drink.

In 1850, I went to the South Fork of the North of Feather River, prospecting; got my eye teeth cut, saw the elephant, lived on mule meat and rattlesnake soup awhile; returning, caught a fall and rolled half way down the mountain side, with, at one time a good prospect of rolling into the Yuba. I brought up finally against a ledge of rocks, scratched nearly to death. The next day got lost, went to bed—that is, laid down under a tree—dinnerless and supperless. The day following travelled all day, no food: the third day about noon --came to a camp where somebody had slept the night previous; I picked up a few crumbs from the ashes, with as much avidity as ever did Lazarus from the rich man's table: I thought of the Prodigal Son, and discussed in my own mind the edible quality of husks concluding that one cent's worth of gingerbread would answer the demands of my appetite pretty well. Well sir, after many adventures I found myself in Marysville, with just two bits in my pocket; bucked at monte, won four dollars, bought my breakfast, vamosed the ranch. The same day arrived in Sacramento, saw two men with the cholera, had the cholera myself the next day, got well—couldn't kill this child—not so happy then as when I met "black eye" on the bridge, by a long shot. Here I am now in Johnstown, and am going to Georgetown on the fourth; I will tell you all about the flags, music and dancing, and being a stenographic writer will report the toasts and speeches for the Argus, if I have the good luck to hear them; you shall have my speech and that of the Major without fail.

CROW BAR.

Nota Bene. The new lawyer is engaged every day in polishing our speeches for publication. As I write he is consulting Angell on Water Courses. He says he will bring tears from the eyes of your readers.

P. S. Please call on the proprietor of the "Brick Store " in your town, and request him to send me half a dozen bottles of Schnapps and twenty bunches of fire crackers. The Major and I desire to entertain our friends at the primary meeting, and I wish to commence the celebration of the Fourth by degrees. If I defeat my enemies in the caucus and come off covered with glory I will pay "John;" if otherwise, I will reward him by voting for "Coloma for County seat." Have the whole, "cocktails" included, (tell him I love cocktails, he will take the hint,) sent via. Bunting's Telegraph, to be delivered when called for. N. B. If the package comes marked C O D, I will patronize, next time, the double action line of Adams & Co., or form a coalition with Wells, Fargo & Co. Address CROW BAR, Johnstown.

Note. I expect to have a fight on the Fourth, in Georgetown, in the enclosure where the Connecticutus was exhibited—weapons, Crow Bar and "Rock"—the battle will be exciting. The Fourth of July is in part a commemoration of battles, therefore my fight will be appropriate. Admission one dollar. Front seats reserved for the press. An efficient police force will be in attendance to preserve order.

Private Request. Please notice my communications in flattering terms, and in conclusion say:

"That we are gratified in being able to state to our readers that we have secured the contributions of Crow Bar exclusively for the Argus. We have known Crow Bar long and well, he is a polished gentleman and erudite scholar."

C.B.