The Daily Advertiser

THE FOLLOWING PORTRAIT
OF A BASHFUL MAN.

Is taken from a Publication, called
VARIETY.

The simplicity and force of humor with which it is
drawn, certainly give it a peculiar claim to
merit.

"You must know, says the writer, "That, in
my person, I am tall and thin, with a fair
complexion, and light brown hair; but of such ex-
treme sensibility of nature that, on the slightest sub-
ject of confusion, my blood all rushes into my
cheeks, and I appear a perfect full blown rose."

Having been sent to the university by his father,
a farmer of no great property, the consciousness of
his unhappy failing made him avoid society, and
he became enamoured of a college life. But from
that peaceful retreat he was called by the death of
his father, and of a rich uncle, who left him a for-
tune of thirty thousand pounds. He now purcha-
sed an estate in the country; and his company was
much courted by the surrounding families especi-
ally by such as had marriageable daughters. Though
he wished to accept their offered friendship, he was
forced repeatedly to excuse himself, under the pre-
tence of not being quite settled; for often, when he
had rode or walked with full intention of returning
their visits, his heart had failed him as he approached
their gates, and he had returned homeward, reso-
lved to try again next day. Determined, however,
at length, to conquer his timidity, he accepted of
an invitation to dine with one, whose open, easy
manner, left him no room to doubt a cordial wel-
come. But the relation of this eventful visit must
be given in his own words.

"Sir Thomas Friendly, who lives about two
miles distant, is a baronet, with about two thou-
sand pounds a year of estate, joined to that I pur-
chased; he has two sons and five daughters, all
grown up, and living with their mother and a
maiden sister of Sir Thomas's, at Friendly-hall, de-
pendent on their father. Conscious of my unpolish-
ed gait, I have for some time past taken private
lessons of a professor, who teaches grown gentle-
men to dance; and tho' I at first found wondrous
difficulty in the art he taught, my knowledge of
the mathematics was of prodigious use in teaching
me the equilibrium of my body, and the due ad-
justment of the center of gravity to the five posi-
tions. Having now acquired the art of walking
without tottering, and learned to make a bow, I
boldly ventured to obey the baronet's invitation
to a family dinner, not doubting but my new ac-
quirements would enable me to see the ladies
with tolerable intrepidity; but alas! how vain
are all the hopes of theory, when unsup-
ported by habitual practice. As I approached
the house, a dinner bell alarmed my fear, lest I
had spoiled the dinner by want of punctuality: Im-
pressed with this idea, I blushed the deepest crim-
son, as my name was repeatedly announced by the
several livery servants, who ushered me into the
library, hardly knowing what or whom I saw. At
my first entrance I summoned all my fortitude,
and made my new-learned bow to lady Friendly;
but unfortunately in bringing back my left foot to
the third position, I trod upon the gouty toe of
poor Sir Thomas, who had followed close at my
heels to be the nomenclator of the family. The
confusion this occasioned in me is hardly to be con-
ceived, since none but bashful men can judge of
my distress; and of that description the number
I believe is very small. The baronet's politeness
by degrees dissipated my concern, and I was afte-
rwards enabled to see how far good breeding could enable
him to suppress his feeling, and to appear with per-
fect ease after so painful an accident.

"The cheerfulness of her ladyship, and the fa-
miliar chat of the young ladies, insensibly led me
to throw off my reserve and sheepishness, till at
length I ventured to join in the conversation, and
even to start fresh subjects. The library being
richly furnished with elegant bindings, I conceived
Sir Thomas to be a man of literature, and ventu-
red to give my opinion concerning the several edi-
tions of the Greek classics, in which the baronet's
opinion perfectly coincided with my own. To this
subject I was led by observing an edition of Xeno-
phon in sixteen volumes, which (as I had never
before heard of such a thing) greatly excited my
curiosity, and I rose up to examine what it could
be. Sir Thomas saw what I was about, and, as I
suppose, willing to save me the trouble, rose to
take down the book, which made me more eager
to prevent him, and hastily laying my hand on the
first volume, I pulled it forcibly; but lo! instead
of books, a board, which by leather and gilding
had been made to look like sixteen volumes, came
tumbling down, and unluckily pitched upon a wedg-
wood inkstand on the table under it. In vain did
Sir Thomas assure me there was no harm; I saw
the ink streaming from an inlaid table, on the
Turkey carpet; and, scarce knowing what I did,
attempted to stop its progress with my cambric
handkerchief. In the height of this confusion we
were informed that dinner was served up, and I
with joy perceived that the bell, which at first had
so alarmed my fears, was only the half-hour din-
ner-bell.

In walking through the hall and suite of a-
partments to the dining room, I had time to col-
lect my scattered senses, and was desired to take
my place between lady Friendly and her eldest
daughter at the table. Since the fall of the wood-
en Xenophon, my face had been continually burn-
ing like a fire brand, and I was just beginning to
recover myself, and to feel comfortably cool,
when an unlooked for accident rekindled all my
heat and blushes. Having set my plate of soup
too near the edge of the table, in bowing to Miss
Louisa, who politely complimented the pattern of
my waistcoat, I tumbled the whole scalding con-
tents into my lap. In spite of an immediate sup-
ply of napkins to wipe the surface of my clothes,
my black silk breeches were not stout enough to
save me from the painful effects of this sudden so-
mentation, and for some minutes my legs and
thighs seemed stewing in a boiling caldron; but
recollecting how Sir Thomas had disguised his tor-
ture, when I trod upon his toe, I firmly bore my
pain in silence, and sat with my lower extremities
parboiled, amidst the stifled giggling of the ladies
and servants.

"I will not relate the several blunders which
I made during the first course; or the distress occa-
sioned by my being desired to carve a fowl, or
help to various dishes that stood near me, spilling
a sauce-boat, and knocking down a salt cellar;
rather let me hasten to the second course, "where
fresh disasters overwhelmed me quite."

"I had a piece of rich sweet pudding on my
fork when Miss Louisa Friendly begged to trou-
ble me for a pigeon that stood near me; in my
haste, scarce knowing what I did, I whipped the
pudding into my mouth, hot as a burning coal;
it was impossible to conceal my agony; my eyes
were starting from their sockets. At last, in spite
of shame and resolution, I was obliged to drop the
cause of torment on my plate. Sir Thomas and
the ladies compassionated my misfortunes, and
each advised a different application; one recom-
mended oil, another water, but all agreed that
wine was best for drawing out the fire, and a glass
of sherry was brought me from the side-board,
which I snatched up with eagerness: But, Oh!
how shall I tell the sequel? Whether the butler by
accident mistook, or purposely designed to drive
me mad, he gave me the strongest brandy, with
which I filled my mouth, already scalded and blis-
tered. Totally unused to every kind of ardent spi-
rits, with my tongue, throat and palate as raw as
beef, what could I do? I could not swallow;
and clapping my hands upon my mouth, the cursed
liquor squirted through my nose and fingers like a
fountain, over all the dishes, and I was crushed
with bursts of laughter from all quarters.

In vain did Sir Thomas reprimand the servants,
and lady Friendly chide her daughters; for the
measure of my shame and their diversion was not
yet complete. To relieve me from the intolerable
perspiration which this accident had caused,
without considering what I did, I wiped my face
with that ill fated handkerchief which was still wet
from the consequences of the fall of Xenophon,
and covered all my face with streaks of ink in eve-
ry direction. The baronet himself could not sup-
port this shock, but joined his lady in the general
laugh; while I sprung from the table in despair,
rushed out of the house, and ran home in an ago-
ny of confusion and disgrace, which the most poig-
nant sense of guilt could not have excited."