Grand Rapids Herald Review

Herald-Review.

By C. E. Kiley.

GRAND RAPIDS, MINNESOTA.

A skull would make a good figure head for the modern railroad locomotive.

The lobster is said to be disappearing from American waters. That accounts for some things.

The mowing machine knocked out the farmer's scythe and the racing machine is after Death's.

By all means, let the scientists isolate the pneumonia germ. If possible, give it a life sentence.

Santo Domingo cannot expect to attract public attention at this time with a little 2x4 revolution.

Perhaps the members of that Amish colony who insist that the earth is flat had been to see a minstrel show.

Bad whisky killed fifteen persons in New York. There are no statistics to show how many good whisky killed.

Richard Mansfield takes his pen in hand to say that no one is writing and few are acting.

A saving distinction.

New York and Boston have the champion baseball teams. Professional baseball is now played mostly by old people.

The St. Louis inventor who thought he had mastered the problem of aerial navigation is now in the hospital with a broken leg.

With twenty-five men dead in a week from drinking New York whisky, the Gothamites will no longer slur "Jersey lightning."

Firewater, it has been grievously demonstrated, is the most dangerous kind of speed-making power for automobilists to employ.

Mr. Rockefeller is a conspicuous example of what a man can achieve by close attention to business after he has passed the age of 35.

Also, the theory that long engagements prevent divorce might be upheld on the well-known fact that they frequently prevent marriage.

Yvette Guilbert wants to make another tour in the United States. All that is lacking to make the wish unanimous is the concurrence of the United States.

When rich men's sons spend their money foolishly it gives poor men the opportunity to accumulate great fortunes to leave to their sons to spend foolishly.

So the young ladies of Bryn Mawr are not to be permitted to flirt! Perhaps, though, they will not be forbidden to breathe, and we shall have them still with us.

Our great soldiers are the most earnest advocates of peace. Gen. Miles has told the peace congress that war is terrible. Only those "jest at scars who never felt a wound."

Col. Younghusband's men are reported to be suffering many hardships on their way back from Lhassa. This is probably due to the fact that they are bringing so much with them.

A college student while absorbed in a letter from home, walked through a plate-glass window. He promptly paid $15 for the pane. The letter must have contained a remittance.

Stick close to your desk, young man, and some day you may be the president of a railway company with a chance to resign and draw a salary of $75,000 for several years after your resignation.

For the man who is for peace and prohibition, the only consolation he can get at this time is to know that a bottle of champagne is being smashed every time one of these new warships is christened.

Sir William Vernon Harcourt, though one of the most brilliant men in England, was among his personal acquaintances one of the least popular. It is well to shine, but more important to glow.

An Arizona bachelor wants to know if he will violate the law by raffling himself off at $1 a chance for 2,500 chances to get a husband. Certainly not. It has always been held that marriage is a lottery.

When the Russian conductor comes around at Tibet to collect fare he will find John Bull with such a serene, convincing "got on four miles back" look about him that he will probably pass on without disturbing him.

Those scientists who assert that dental work may be made painless if the patient will only look steadily at a blue light have a lot of things to explain. To a man with the toothache all things look blue, and yet he keeps the toothache.

A judge in Connecticut sent a man who had robbed a bank of $70,000 to prison for five years, and gave an eight years' term to another man who had stolen a horse. It is probable that such a judge would hang a man for stealing a chicken.