Litchfield Enquirer

We are again obliged to acknowledge our indebtedness to the gentlemanly corresponding Secretary of the L. T. C. of the L. C. S. of the C. S. B. of the U. S. of N. A. D. of the G. S. I. S. S.* for additional favors. We are enabled, through his politeness, to give our readers the curious letter from the Chief of the Gougei tribe, which we referred to in our last issue. Our columns are so crowded this week that we are forced to omit the original, and simply give the elegant translation which Prof. Schweitzenbleitzen has kindly forwarded to us, in advance of the steamer, by the new telegraph, via Siberia and Behring's Straits. We would call particular attention to the terseness and even elegance of the noble writer, notwithstanding the peculiar sententiousness of his style. Yet we are accustomed to denominate this man and his people barbarians.

The caption of the letter, which we published last week, was furnished us unofficially by a private member of the Society, and was not quite correct, as our readers will perceive by comparison with the following:

Bloodyrawhed, Son of the Sun, Brother of the Moon, Lord of the Speckled-eyed Jews and of the Striped Elephants, descendant of Apourangoutang son of Noah, to the pale faced Moon-eyed virgins, greeting.

ODORIFEROUS SISTERS:—Many jointed queer box come jam full of shirts. Very funny. Look for him long time. You say he come nine moons ago. Big lie. No see him. All in your eye. By and by nigger come, swift footed. He say chest come. Me jump for joy. Me turn somerset—one, two, three times. Me kiss all my wife. Me call my big son Babichawab, me tell him take seven hundred good men. Put em astraddle seven hundred dromedary—quick-footed—ran like blazes. Next me say, take seven hundred camel—sure footed—burden-bearing. Go down to sea, bring up shirts, one only on one camel. If one camel bring two shirts cut him tail off behind sound-catching ears. Me wise. All shirts come safe to palace but one, him dromedary chaw and swallow down when he come to gate. Me cut him tail off behind ear, send you piece to see me no lie. Next moon let son Babichawah go see you, me send three thousand warriors with him and three thousand dromedaries. Send you some elephants. Treat him good and me treat you good when you come see me.

You say we wear shirts we be like you, loving sisters, we turn white and be good Christian. Me guess no. Me try bit—most die. Listen—me tell you. Me summon Licnuocd narg. have big talk, me get up from tamgnit. taugs to show lord and lady how to put on shirts. Me say Bloodyrawhed wear shirts al wear shirts and Christianity take big root in land of Gougei. So me put him on. Me wear him three day and lose twenty-seven sdnuop-flah of flesh. Me sweat like poor devil in lions' jaws. People all clap hands when they see king with shirts on and cry bullee! Me say to myself big thing but no see it. Wait little while. By and by sun go in him hole and darkness come down on Gougei Cleanout. Me crawl out of palace through kitchen window. Me straddle swift dromedary and lick him like devil. He run twenty miles to river, cool, swift, flowing, home of hippopotamus. Me jump in all over and stay six thousand spmujreppohssarg. Think me die. No touch any water before in one hundred and eight moons.

Much thank for striped blue shirts—red buttons—gold fringe round bottom. Send some more. Look what me do with him. Ha! ha! Bloodyrawhed much wise? Me take him out of queer box—ninety-six wife want him. Me got five hundred. Me say good thing. Take clothes off (all my wife wear string of beads) and fight. Which one lick, she have shirts. Me set and look on. Me laugh, me cry, me roll on ground, me turn somerset, me smash little boy's head for joy. Ha! ha! me much wise. When three suns go in hole, Tearip-scratch stand all alone. No more wife to fight. Whip 'em all. Me say bullee! me kiss her, me hug her, me like her much. Me bury fifty three dead ones. Ha! ha! much fun. Me kill all the rest. No good. No fight any. Send more blue shirts. Send a hundred. Have fight every day.

Tearipscratch say, tell you she no wear shirts like you. No good for Hottentot. She put foot where you tell arm go. Much best. Gold fringe come round waist. Look very fine. Don't forget to send some more. Me send dromedary to coast in good time.

One day, me send little Skulkrakah out to hunt baby. Me put shirts on him for good luck. He took two, three day. No find any. Shirts no good to find skull. By and by, little while he stop and think. He hang shirts on tree. He go once more and catch five baby. He go and get shirts, tie himself up and put skull in. Shirts make good bag. Send more. Me sew em up. Hold corn, hold meat, hold skull, hold anything. Be no good for Hottentot to wear. Send blue ones—red buttons—good many. Much fun in 'em. Send soon.

We good Christians. Good by.

Given under our royal hand and seal at our palace of a million skulls, at our city of Gougei Cleanout, the 7th day of the 8th moon, in the 806th year of the kingdom of Roast babi, and in the 17th of our reign.

BLOODYRAWHED, King.
By Peninkanpapah, Grand Scribe.

SCHWEITZENBLEITZEN'S NOTES.

1. The writer undoubtedly means Speculating Jews, money making being as much a peculiarity of this race in Southern Africa, as of their brethren in more civilized countries.

2. It is scarcely necessary to mention to intelligent readers that this gentleman is identical with Ham.

3. In Africa, no higher compliment can be paid to a lady than to style her odoriferous.

4. Hottentot for shirts. Literally, bag clothes.

5. The Grand Council of the nation. Literally, the Assembly of the thousand skulls. Each man, woman and child of the Roastbabi nation, who is the fortunate possessor of a thousand skulls, whether obtaining them by war or by inheritance, is allowed a vote in this Council. It is probably the most august representative body in the known world.

6. Literally squatting mat; a kind of rug made of rushes, which this singular people prefer to chairs.

7. A Hottentot weight equal to about eight ounces avoirdupois.

8. Bullee is equivalent to hurrah in our tongue.

9. Spmujreppehssarg means literally grass-hopper jumps. Professor Weaque Rumtoddi of the University of Dahomey, in his great work on African Astronomy, states that the natives of Southern Africa divide time by the jumps of the Gougei grass-hopper, which is said to be much less erratic in its movements than the insect of the same name in our country. After repeated experiments it was conclusively proved that this insect jumped over a given space precisely ten times in one of our minutes, or six hundred times in an hour. Bloodyrawhead must therefore, have remained in the water about ten hours. For obvious reasons, this method of computing time is much preferable to ours.

10. In Roastbabi it is considered extremely vulgar to wash oneself. Some of the nobles have been known to go ten years without touching water. Bloodyrawhead, it will be seen, claims nine years of immunity.

[Note By Ed.] Litchfield Town, Chapter of the Litchfield County, Section of the Connecticut State Branch, of the United States of North America, Division of the Grand Secret International Scatterzood Society. This Society being a sort of dark-lantern organization, we have never before been able to give its entire name.