The New Hampshire Gazette

THE MEETING.

"An ounce of civet good apothecary to sweeten my imagination."

Oftimes through gloom and doubt there glows
Some hum'rous jest to ease our woes,
And smooth the thorny path we trace
In journeying to our resting place-
To turn such matters to account,
And add them to the gross amount
Of man's small stock of wit and jest,
Is of all other things the best ;
And 'tis the duty of the poet,
If faithful, at all times to do it.
Now as it is by all confess'd,
I, of all poets, am the best
Since measur'd language first was known
Through Homer to Lord Byron down :
And have more pounds of song in brains
Than Sammy Bell of sense has grains—
Besides such poesy as mine
Can turn a handsaw into rhyme—
Therefore I will my pen resume
And try men's muddy minds t' illume !
Oh modesty ! thou arrant jade !
Thou'st ever kept me in the shade;
While lesser lights the muse is wooing
Thy influence has prov'd my undoing
Ye gods! what mortal e'er possess't
One half the fame tbat I have miss't !
But as it is I must concede
I am too bashful and proceed.
One night last week by chance I stray'd
Up in the Court House, where 'tis said.
For lack of right and truth as backers,
The Feds kept last year rum and crackers,
Thereby intending 'mong old topers
To pick up presidential voters—
Be that as't may if false or true,
The Feds had now a hubbub—
They rav'd like men demented quite
And call'd on Bell to set them right
They vow'd they'd be reveng'd on Hill
Who thus would reputations kill :—
But to be more minute and clear
I'll state all matters as they were.
Indeed it was a motley tribe.
Blowhard was chairman—Logic scribe,
And Catgut clerk, a fitting clown
To hear and pen the speeches down-
He, Catgut call'd because 'tis said
He twang'd and grinn'd much when he read,
Now call'd to order by the chair,
Sir Egotism our City mayor
Made a great speech, 'gad 'twas a wonder
He bad not burst himself asunder ;
For vanity when much inflated
By venting out can be abated-
But to bring facts before the eye
His speech was "I" "I" "I" "I"
With ever and anon a "We
Enough to upset vanity!"
He said as how he guess'd he knew
That Merchants knew a thing or two,
That of mankind ta'en as a whole.
They were of social life the soul ;
All other grades are blocks of wood,
Whose uses are scarce understood,
Whose place when bighest in the state
Cannot be more than second rate.
Bob Logic next, in anger stood
With goggles sparkling, bright and good
A lusty lout ;
Had he when wasting time at school
Been taught this applicable rule,
"Silence is better for a fool
Than speaking out,"
He'd sav'd his friends the burning shame,
Of coupling folly with his name :—
He laid his finger on his snout,
To keep his brains from oozing out,
Then like another Cicero,
He spake some five minutes or so,
And to conclude his dry oration,
He offer'd for consideration
A few resolves, and said they might
Make their stain'd honors somewhat bright.
Now on these resolutions, laid
Before the meeting, much was said ;
Some swore they ought to be amended,
Others the original defended,
Till tir'd of bandying words at length
Sir Orthodox put forth his strength,
And vow'd such stuff would never do,
As 'twould their dignity unscrew ;
Besides should broadcloth folks ascend
Up to the truth to gain their end,
In undertaking it our act would be-
Regarded with some charity.
And snarling plebeians might consent
To'have their stubborn shoulders bent ;
"But mark me ! and I tell you true,
To pass these votes will never do."
"For," said Sir Orthodox, "if we
Consent to such resolves, d'ye see!
Friend Bell will think the devil's in us.
And Hill enrag'd will surely skin us,
Not that I eyer had the will
To speak respectfully of Hill,
But I as one among the rest,
Think we are fouling our own nest,
And Heav'n knows that it has long been
By far too dirty to be seen,
Therefore, lets choose a gang of thirty
To pick the clean out from the dirty.
He said ; and Butterfly appear'd,
And claim'd a right to hear them read ;
He felt himself aggriev'd, insulted-
That they should move without consulting !
The Woolsack rose—then there shone forth
The aggregate of moral worth;
Said he, "my friends with your permission,
I've been to 'York upon a mission"_
"No doubt," said Butterfly, "and you
Would be right glad again to go.
"Keep, keep, your jarring voices under
Cried Blowhard, in a voice of thunder.
"Or by the powers of Jove I'll break
Each mothers sons'unbending neck!
Silence the whole, such d-d carouser
Are found alone in Bell's Pot-houses !"
Next rose White Mountains' valiant knight,
And like a bantam cock show'd fight-
But nimble Logic said as how
They'd better try the question now--
"Stop ! stop! Bob Logic!" Catgut cried
"My maiden speech is yet untried,
Tis wrong to have the question put
And thus each gaping mouth to shut ;
I pray the chair to grant me first
A right to speak or I shall burst,"
He said and 'twix't a groan and squeal
Mutter'd some threat gainst Isaac Hill
Among the resolutions pass'd
Was one that all the rest surpass'd.
I know not whose sot brain produc'd it,
But think Bob Logic introduced it ;
It disapprov'd of the Gazette!
What knave, I ask, e'er lik'd it yet !
It said it told distorted stories !
So said in '78 the tories!
It said it had much mischief done !
So said the foes of Jefferson,
When foreign tyrants sought t'nslave
Our free-born sons on oceans wave.
It said its statements had brought down
Contempt and slander on the town!
So said this self same party, when
The British Lion left his den
And on our borders howling stood.
And lav'd his tongue in our best blood!
Then was the old Gazette abus'd.
Then was its friends' as now, ill-used-
So let it be, for when they raise
In its behalf the meed of praise,
Be sure it is no longer sound,
But with our country's foes is found-
May ev'ry curse befal us yet,
Ere tories praise the old Gazette,
This last resolve was hotter press't
By sland'rous tongues than all the rest;
And to support it rose a clown,
Known as the fam'd Jack Jaw-me down ;
He sputter'd, blubber'd, rav'd and swore,
And all around him cried encore ;
You'd thought the fate of nations hung
Upon the fury of his tongue---
He said 'mong other things that Banks
Were necessary as our shanks,
And that, despite what people talk,
Without them business men can't walk--
He said, "my friends you each one know.
Tis six months since I told you so,
That money's scarce and 'twill be scarcer,
Or I'm but an indifferent guesser--
And since you have agreed upon it
I must confess I'm right glad on it,
Nor do I care if you do kill
And send to Tophet Isaac Hill,
For at that wizard's magic name
My blood runs shivering through my frame.
Cold tremblings fasten on my gizzard,
Indeed, indeed, he is a wizard!"
Next Barrington's fam'd Duke arose,
A six feet giant without shoes,
He wip'd a dew drop from his nose
And thus began—
"Let there be chosen a committee
Of gents belonging to the city,
And let them of these votes select
What's decent, and the rest reject"
Which was then done,
But stay, its foreign to my story
To portray all the wind and fury
Which little vessels spouted forth
Against some trite remarks of truth,
That from the lips of justice fell
'Gainst Portsmouth's fam'd memorial-
They well deserv'd it, and they felt
The blow more keen because well dealt.
Now o'er the Hall behold display'd
A tale that cast all else in shade !
Not Argus with his hundred eyes
Could cause more wonder and surprise.
Behold ! amid that gaping crowd
Juno's fam'd bird. the Peacock stood-
He spake and from his perch descended,
All knew the drama then was ended.
P.P.