Portage Sentinel

MISCELLANEOUS.

Dick Trot and his Yankee Clock.

"Wal, sir," Dick said to me, one day,
"about five years or better, ago, I bought
a wooden-day-clock from a Yankee pedlar,
named Tom Jones, who used to travel
through this country, droppin' one a' most
every house. 'Twas the last one he had,
and I gave him fifteen dollars for it. She
was a perfect goer of a clock--and then
such a beauty! Her little squatty, dumpy
figur' dressed out in her painted case, jist
filled my eyes exactly, to a gnat's heel.

I sot her on the mantle shelf so I might
allers see her. I didn't think I'd ever git
tired lookin at her. Her little pendulum
would swing back'ards and for'ards, pickin'
off the seconds at proper rate. Thar she'd
roll it, peckin away, day arter day, and
week arter week, dead bent on keepin' up
with the sun, and determ'ed that nary time
piece in the settlement should get ahead of
her. She'd dig ahead at the hours, never
stoppin' to ketch breath, but jist firin' away
in admirable style. I'd wind her up o'
nights and then go to bed, puttin' every
confidence in her, and bein' perfectly satis-
fiad that she'd do her duty faithful, al-
though I wasn't waichin' of her, and
wouldn't alow the sun to be up before she'd
put her hand to the hour for sunrise. And
then, sir, when I'd be restless, and couldn't
sleep, or when I was sick, then what com-
pany she was to me. To be'shore, she
couldn't talk to me--jist called my name
but that's all, though sometimes, she'd say
it so plain, I'd look up at her and al-
most expect her to lead off a reg'lar built
chat. Well, sir, she continued to be good
for five years, and was my heart's delight,
and in fact, I may say she hilt on to be good
longer than that; but it was about that
time she begun wonderfully to resemble
old Dave Wilson's wife--you know how
I can't say I do, exactly."

"Why, sir, I thort you knowd--Old
Dave used to say his wife was a charmin'
creature, one of the best of women that
he didn't believe, from Old Mother Eve
down to the present generation, a better
spouse ever lived. To be shore, he sed,
she had her ways (here Dick snuffled in
imitation of old Dave, whom I knew very
well,) she would have her ways, and sich
ways as she did have! Well, sir, my clock
got to be in the same way--some of her
werks got out of fix, and for spite she done
like all dignation! She'd jist go on blamed
pleased. Strike? yes, take a notion to bulge
off some times and she'd ring in on them
wires one hundred and fifty times. At fust
I was tickled at it and would set and laugh
at her bein' such a fool as to be cuttin' up
them extrys that didn't hurt nobody but
herself. But at last I began to git tired of
such foplery. It seemed whenever I had a
tough job before me, and wanted to study
it out, or whenever I was right sleepy, that
then she'd pick her chance to cum them
big licks. I put up with it for a long time--
didn't do nothin'--and thort by lettin' her
have her run out, she might git tired of it
herself, after a while. But she didn't, she
still hilt on stout or shay ever. On last
Saturday I went up above here to muster,
and as I allers do on sich occasions, tuck
rather too much of the tetch--me lightly.
When I got home, I thort the best place
for me was in bed so as to sleep off my
boozy. I pulls off and gets in to bed; but
no sooner did my head tetch the piller,
than up starts the clock--ch-r-r-ring--
ch-r-r-ring--ch-r-r-ring--I determined
to put a stop to any sich capers that night.
I got up, loaded my old musket, tuck a
cheer, and sot down right afore her. Now,
old lady, sez I, 'yer arter the spite game
agin are ye? Jist go on if ye like it but
dar to strike a hundred this time, ding me
if you don't ketch lightnin'.' My threats
didn't scare her a bit--she struck away,
'peared livelier than ever. She went it so
peart, she soon got up to ninety--ninety-
one--ninety-two--three--four--five--six--
'I see you're gwyin' it,' sez I, and I cocks
my old musket--ch-r-r-ring--I puts it to
my shoulder--ch-r-r-ring--I takes sight--
ch-r-r-ring--I lays my finger on the
trigger--ch-r-r-ring; sez she, stouter'n
ever, and was startin' with an-
other ch-r-r--when I lams away, and in
half a seckin' finds myself flat on my back,
in the middle of the floor. As I picked
myself up, I heard the old lady still gwyin'
it; and dern me, ef she didn't strike fifty
times more, altho twenty buckshot had tuck
effect all among her countenance, and both
of her hands were taken smooth off. I
haint wound her up since; for with the
pluck she's got there's no knowin' what
she might do, ef she had a chance. She's
without exception the best game I ever seed."