New Haven Daily Herald

Found among the papers of Anthony Aspen, Esq.

A MANUSCRIPT.

I am what the world calls a nervous man; the bare mention of a duel, causes me to swoon. The rumbling of a cart horrifies me, whilst the

Why do I exist? I have often asked myself this question, but no answer was ever return-

ed. I have concluded that the reason is not

known.

An officious friend of mine once procured for me a situation as editor to a weekly pe-

riodical, in a neighboring village. Thank

heaven,' said I, when entering on my duties,

'I am at last free from those breeches-wear-

ing musquitoes called duns, for who in the

world of common sense ever thought of dunning an

editor?' These were my first thoughts; but

alas! scarce did I raise the cup of felicity to

my lips, ere a thousand envious ills would dash

away the chalice, without so much as saying

by your leave, sir.

On the first day of our editorial life, as we,

Anthony Aspen, Esq. editor and autocrat of

'The Snagsville Palladium of Honor, and

Mirror of Science and Literature,' were seat-

ed in our editorial chair, the door of our sanc-

tum was violently opened, and a gawky rus-

tic, of collossean dimensions, strode forward.

'Ian't you the editor?' was his inquiry.

'I am, sir,' replied I, with my best smile,

and most studied nod.

'Jist look here, will you?' said the ogre, as

he produced a copy of the paper of the pre.

ceding week, 'here's a purty kettle of fish!

you've got me married to Dolly Mayflower,

and it aint no such thing. Why I hate the gal

worse nor a tagger.'

On examination, I told him, that the of-

fensive notice had been inserted during the ad

ministration of the former editor.

'I don't keer,' said he, doggedly

'But, my dear sir, you could not expect

me to be responsible for the acts of another

person—I will contradict it with a great deal

of pleasure in the next number.'

This last remark served to mollify his re.

sentment, and he seemed partly satisfied.—

But, by gauly,' ejaculated he, spitting upon

his hands, and smacking his clenched fist vio-

lently on the desk, 'If ever I catch that'ere fel-

ler that was editor afore, he's a gone sueker. I

wont leave no more on him nor a clever sized

pin—if I do, may I be te-totally exflunctica-

ted.' This last sentence was uttered as he

left the room, and by way of finis, he slam-

med the door after him in a manner that caus.

ed every bone in my editorial body to thrill.

As I was slowly recovering from the effects

of this encounter, I heard a gentle tap at the

door.

'Come in,' said I.

The door softly and slowly opened, and an

animal entered, on whom my eyes rested in

horror and amazement.

On what appeared to be the upper lip of the

animal, around his neck and on his chin, was

a profusion of hair, of quality and in quantity

sufficient for a clever sized mattrass. It rais-

ed an eye-glass with which it surveyed me

from head to foot. The cold sweat crept o'er

my trembling body, my hair rose on end, like

a quill upon the fretful porcupine, and my

frame was lost to sense, in the agony of terror.

I mentally ejaculated a prayer, and would

have fled, but my limbs refused their office.

The animal spoke, and the mincing tones of its

voice assured me that it was perfectly gentle.

-It was a live Dandy.*

The devil entered with a letter box. The

first letter which we seized contained a bill

for paper and sundries—Faugh!

The next was an article written for inser-

tion in our 'popular periodical.' It was a tale,

from which the following is an extract:

The Sun looked fiercely down upon the

world. The tall weeds which grew upon the

river shore, lifted their heads majestically over

the surrounding expanse of blue mud, and all

nature lay as calm as does a loafer under the

soothing influences of old Jamaica.

The editor of The Goosetown Shield of

Liberty and Banner of Independence,' had ab-

stracted an editorial from our columns with-

out giving us due credit therefor. We re.

minded our brother of the Shield, of his lapsus,

but, gracious powers, what was our terror at

finding in his next number the following par-

agraph:

The editor of the filthy six-by-ten, the

Snagsville Palladium of Honor, has dared to

insinuate that we have stolen an editorial from

his columns. The filthy dastard dare

not prefer the charge openly, but has sneak-

ingly requested us to credit the original mat

ter taken from his columns. When we bor.

row any original matter we certainly shall,

but as yet, we have not seen any in the pa-

per referred to. We would not have stooped

to notice this, did we not wish

"To put a whip in every honest hand,

To lash the scoundrel naked through the land,"

and Snagsville. If the insult is again repeat-

ed, we may, perhaps, admit the fellow to the

privilege of a gentleman:—twelve paces.'

The reader must imagine a trepidation

which I cannot describe. I made one leap

and cleared the office, upsetting the form for

the next day's paper, and spilling a huge pot

of ink on the devil's clean collar in the op-

eration. I reached my lodgings, borrowed an

old rusty pistol, and locked myself in my

room; it was three days before I ventured

near the office.

T. D. E.

*Anglice—a tiger.

Only think of we having a clean collar.

Printer's Devil.