Douglas Daily Dispatch

More Truth Than Poetry
By JAMES J. MONTAGUE
BRINGING THE BARD UP TO DATE
After seeing Douglas and Mary in "The Taming of the Shrew."
Though he stands very well as a playwright and bard;
Bill Shakespeare deplorably weak is
As an author of stuff that's sufficiently rough
To fill up the seats at the "speakies."
Take "Hamlet" for instance, folks find it today
As not even mildly exciting
But it might make a hit were it pepped up a bit
With a little judicious re-writing.
Let Hamlet remark, as his uncle he slays
And the old man's last gasps become fewer
"You thought, it is plain, you were quite a great Dane
But a cowardly mutt is what you were."
And let old Polonius say to his son:
"Don't spend your time reading the ticker.
Don't waste all your nights at the night clubs and fights;
And drink only analyzed liquor."
Julius Caesar might also be made to remark
As around through his palace he potters:
"A drama should not be deficient in plot
But it shouldn't have too many plotters."
He might further observe, when lean Cassius strolled in
At the head of the plotters' committee:
"I am able to stand any kind of a band
Excepting a band of banditti!"
The bard put but little in Romeo's lines
That is either lightwitted or airy.
The drama, in short, is not quite of the sort
That is suited to Douglas and Mary.
But doubtless some day you will see it revived.
And find it is well worth your money
When the Hollywood staffs have put in some good laughs
And made it deliciously funny.
(Copyright, 1930, by the Bell Syndicate, Inc.)