The Virginia Gazette

To
Messrs.
PURDIE
&
DIXON.

GENTLEMEN,

Be so kind as to insert the following Piece, and you will very much oblige

your humble Servant.

EUCOSMIA.

To the Gentlemen of the FORE TOPS.

It has long, I believe, been the Opinion of the World that every Change of Improvement in Dress, besides what Necessity or Convenience required, was introduced by the different Sexes in Order to render themselves more amiable to one another; and as this is the Case, whenever it happens that either of them adopts a Fashion which does not answer this Purpose, the other should immediately make known its Disapprobation of it, so that it might be either amended or laid aside. Gratitude, as well as Generosity, imposes this Conduct upon them towards one another; for although the Desire of pleasing be shown in a Manner not the most agreeable or effectual, yet still the Goodness of the Intention lays an Obligation upon the Person to whom it is directed. The Touches of its Pencil so soften the most horrid Pictures that our Sex looks with an Eye of lessened Dislike upon even the modern Foretops, though at the same Time we think them the ugliest Things which ever proceeded from the Heads of Men; and indeed we were long at a Loss to divine why the Gentlemen should imagine that such an unnatural Excregence, as I may call it, could in any Degree recommend them to our Favour. In a little female Club, of which I am a Member, we often took this Matter under Consideration; and many were the Hypotheses which we formed to account for these extraordinary Phenomena, but they generally proved unsatisfactory. After many Debates, a Lady of a more philosophical Turn than the rest told us that the Principles we had hitherto proceeded on were altogether wrong, that we must not look for the Cause of this strange Appearance among those which produce voluntary Actions in Mankind, but that we must regard a disorderly Organization of the Head as the Root from which this Piece of Deformity springs. This System was plausible, and, to tell the Truth, too unintelligible to us to refute; so that most of us pretended to be convinced by Arguments which we did not comprehend. When another Lady, more remarkable for her Sagacity and good Judgment than her profound Learning, mentioned her Sentiments of the Matter; which, though not so philosophical as the former, were yet better grounded, as we have since found, from Observation. From the Ferocity which a Foretop bestowed upon an Aspect, she reckoned the Gentlemen reared it as a Testimony of their Courage to the Ladies, to induce them to put themselves under their Protection, who appeared so well qualified to defend them; and, as she had frequently remarked that little Men wore the highest Foretops, she believed they might, besides the above mentioned Purpose, intend to make up by them for the Malignity of Nature. These Conjectures seemed so well confirmed by every Thing we had observed that we presently acquiesced in them, and now have not the least Doubt but that Foretops were invented to give an Appearance of Courage and Tallness to those who might judge themselves rather deficient in those Points. However, they may be assured that we are not so easily imposed upon; that we are far from thinking either their Courage or their Height increased by their Foretops; and we would advise them to cut them off immediately, as they need not, after this, expect to meet with their former Indulgence.

P. S. In this Performance none but the frizzled, toupeed, or Woollen thickened Foretops, are hinted at.