The New Hampshire Gazette

To the Publisher of the New-Hampshire Gazette.

Sir,

I am one of your constant Readers, could not help taking Notice of the Performance in your last Paper, concerning Mr. Benjamin Parker, who seems to be attack'd in a most violent Manner by the Shop-keepers of Portsmouth, as though he had been guilty of some atrocious and unpardonable Crime; upon reading of which, the following Story came to my Remembrance, of Charon's being conducted by Mercury to a Place where he might see all the World at once: After he had sufficiently view'd it, Mercury would needs know what he had observed; he told him, he saw a promiscuous Multitude. whose Habitations were like Mole Hills, they like Emmets, and Cities like so many Hives of Bees; and every Bee had a Sting, and did nothing but sting one another, &c. some trotting about to bear false Witness, and saying any Thing that might serve their Turns.' -- -

How far any Part of this Story may be applicable to the present Case, must be left to the Reader. --- After some Introduction, they proceed thus,

WE (who are Shopkeepers in Portsmouth) being charged 'with falsely reporting. that Mr. Benjamin Parker has 'for some Time past been non compos; and that his being 'indebted to some Gentlemen in Boston more than he 'was able to pay, was the Occasion of his Distraction, '&c. - Under this general Accusation think we are 'obliged to say something in Vindication of ourselves.' --

As there is a great Number of Shopkeepers, it is natural to conclude, all must be meant, even from the Sellers of Needles to those of Jews Harps: But my Surprize was increased when I came to the End of this excellent Performance, where I expected to find a Number of Persons Names drawn up in Battle Array; but found none, to encounter this Goliath of a Parker; which ought to have been inserted. to stand in Connection with the Word We; so that I must manage my Task as tho' I was engaged with Enemies behind the Curtain :-

Should my Attack be ever so bold and vigorous. I suspect there is not above three or four out of this vast Number that would own the Brat which is palm'd upon the World - They take it for granted, that the Accusation is against all the Shopkeepers, tho' only the Word sundry was mentioned by the Gentlemen of Boston: and yet doubt whether those Gentlemen subscribed their Names, thinking they would not be so arbitrary -- Thus they sting Parker, in Portsmouth, as a distracted Man: not content with this. some of those Bees trot away to Boston, and inform Parker's Creditors, 'that he was sued for large Sums of Money, which he could 'not pay.' His Creditors not suddenly influenc'd with this Report, wait 'till Parker makes his Appearance in Boston, where he found some Bees had been, endeavouring to sting his Character, who unhappily lost their Stings in the Attempt. Soon After a Number of worthy Gentlemen in Boston declared in the public Prints, That they had dealt largely with said Parker. both before and since the spreading these Reports and always found him a Person of Punctuality and Honor.'

Altho' these Gentlemen are of undoubted Veracity, and not easily imposed on by false Glosses, yet the Enemies of Parker are still dubious, and think the Writing may be apocryphal. They then proceed to give the Evidences of his Distraction thus;

The said Parker. instead of minding his Shop, suddenly appeared on Horseback, with a laced Hat and 'Ruffles', (undoubted Evidences of a Madman ) 'and rode thro' the Streets of Portsmouth, &c was not 'this a strong Suspicion of his being distracted ?' But what puts it beyond Dispute with these sagacious and penetrating Gentlemen, is, he proclaim'd that 'Quebec 'was absolutely taken;' and for this Reason they insinuated, that he required Confinement, with the frequent Attendance of a Physician, with Blistering. Bleeding, &c. with many more Evidences of the like Weight to prove their Point.

To see the Man in this dreadful Situation, they say, 'for our Parts it excited Pity from us; we 'imagin'd this Frenzy might run in his Blood, as he was 'not the first of his Family who had been even very 'lately in like Circumstances, wishing he would behave 'with Respect, &c." And then with great Propriety, 'Query, Whether it might not be inserted, that as Mad- 'ness is periodical, his Fit might have gone off before 'the Gentlemen of Boston saw him.' Here is a motley Mixture of Pity, Uncharitableness. and ill natur'd Re- flections on his Family, good wishes for his better Be- haviour: All genuine Evidences of a true Christian Spirit. Having thus done all in their Power, take their Leave of Mr. Parker, and no doubt triumph, to think what will be the Consequence of this elaborate Piece, which is hung out for the Public to judge of; therefore my first Caution is, for Persons to take great Care how they ride through the Streets of Portsmouth, with laced Hats and Ruffles, instead of their usual Garb, and not to mention a Word about Quebec's being taken, which the very Children of Portsmouth knew there was a public Rejoicing for long ago. Not to ride in Pro- cession, especially with the New Hampshire Regiment: More than ordinary circumspect in proposing Schemes, especially about Molasses. I am already in Pain for some Persons, who have at sundry Times, in different Garbs, upon extraordinary Occasions, rode thro' the Streets of Portsmouth, with laced Hats and Ruffles, but hope they will not be so presumptuous any more, but think seriously on their Ways, lest they meet with the same Fate that poor Parker has. who was so unlucky as to be in Boston when the public Rejoicing was here, and therefore ought not to have mentioned one Word about taking Quebec, as that Point was settled long before his Return, by Persons who all had the Use of their Reason.

There is not any intended Reflections on the worthy Shopkeepers of this Place, notwithstanding all this Bluster.