Los Angeles Daily Herald

THE ORIGIN OF MAN.
By Darwin.
[From the Arcadian.]

CHAPTER I.

'Twas a lovely Sunday morning in
the year 9000 before Christ. The woods
of Senegambia were clothed in their
fairest costume; the birds were singing
and chirping their morning lays;
the sky was one vast sheet of blue.
Everything in short was full of sweetness
and light, except the lovely Lady
Adeliza de Chimpanzee. She was in
the dumps. Moodily she rubbed her
shoulder against a huge palm tree.
and, while performing the act, heaved
a vast sigh. Just at that moment her
mamma dropped from the tree above
her.

"My daughter," said the Duchess of
Chimpanzee, "why that sigh?".

"Ah, mamma, look at me," said
Lady Adeliza. "See how white I am
from the rest of our tribe. See how
white I am becoming."

"My daughter," said the Duchess
languidly, as she seated herself on a
convenient boulder; "You should be
proud of that difference.
We are a
higher race."

"I don't know, mamma.
See what
little caudal appendages we have; all
the other folks can hang from the trees
by their tails, but we are compelled to
sit on the limbs."

"We are advancing my dear. You
are whiter than I am; you can talk in
your youth, I could not till middle age;
your grandmother, as you know, can
only grunt it.
You are moving to a
higher sphere."

"Well, mamma, none of our folks
will marry me," said Lady Adeliza,
pouting.

"No, my child; it has been decreed
that there should be a selection of the
fittest in marriage. We have offered
you to the Prince d'Ourang Outang,
who is even whiter than you are, as a
wife."

"Oh, mamma," gushed the Lady
Adeliza, "that's splendid. Will he
come soon?"

"Restrain yourself. People of high
blood and short caudal appendages
never get excited. He will be here
soon."

Lady Adeliza went away to look for
cocoanuts; the Duchess sat on the
boulder and reflectively scratched her
head.

CHAPTER II.

The Duke de Chimpanzee was chief
of a very large tribe. If he had been
in the show business he would have
made his "everlasting fortune." He
had but one child, Lady Adeliza, and.
as she would inherit the live stock
over which he ruled, many of the
neighboring chiefs desired to marry
her. Her parents, however, resolved
that she should be, if possible, the
fountain head of the new race, to
which all their traditions taught them
they were working up. They determined
that she should wed the Prince
d'Ourang Outang. The Duke proposed
the matter to the Prince.

"Aw!!' said the Prince, as he adjusted
his eyeglass "Is it nice?"

"She is very beautiful," replied the
Duke.

"Aw!" said the Prince, "give it—aw
-much stamps?"

"I shall give her all Ethiopia," replied
the Duke.

"I will--aw—step, down and—aw—
look at it," murmured the Prince,
carelessly. "By surprise, you know."

This was agreed upon, and the Duke
departed.

The Prince knew his worth; he was
quite white, and he was not troubled
with the slightest caudal appendage;
but Ethiopia was a big prize, and he
resolved to win it.

One week after the Duke had offered
his daughter, the Prince started for
Senegambia with the intention of
looking at the fair face of Lady Adeliza.

CHAPTER III.

The Prince was wandering through
the woods of Senegambia, gayly humming:

"I'd be a butterfly
Born in a bower,"

When his eyes fell upon a lovely
chimpanzee, sitting in a shallow
brook, sucking a cocoanut. She was
the loveliest creature he had ever seen.
His heart was touched at once. He
raised his eye-glasses and stared at
her until her eyes fell in modest confusion.

"Fair chimpanzee," said he, "will
you not—aw—tell me your—aw—
name?"

"Adeliza," whispered she.

The Duchess de Chimpanzee, who
had witnessed the meeting from behind
a clump of bushes, chuckled, and
slid off on her left ear.

"Adeliza," sighed the Prince, "thou
art—aw—beautiful! Wilt thou—aw—
marry me?"

The Lady Adeliza threw the remains
of her cocoanut at the head of a
chimpanzee who was loafing in a
neighboring tree, fell into the arms of
the Prince, and gently murmured "I
am thine."

They were married in great splendor.
The Right Rev. Bishop Baboon,
assisted by the Rev. Simiader Ape,
performed the ceremony. The brides-
maids wore their natural clothes. The
choir sang that lovely anthem, "Monkey
Married the Baboon's Sister."

Lady Adeliza and her parents rubbed
noses, and then the bride started on
her wedding tour on an elephant with
one trunk.

CHAPTER IV.

The seasons changed; Summer
lapsed into Autumn, Autumn into
Winter and Winter into Spring. Then
there was great rejoicing, for the Lady
Adeliza gave the Prince an heir. The
child, however, was an anomaly in
that region; it had no tail. it had flat
feet, it had a white skin, it had no
hair on its body. All the wise men
examined it. It was not an ourang
outang. It was not a chimpanzee; evidently
it was a new species. Then a
family conclave was called.

"What shall we call it?" asked
everybody.

The Duchess of Chimpanzee, who
was languidly making mud pies, said:
"Let's call it—Man."