Gallipolis Journal

NASBY.
The Chicago Convention-Mr. Nasby
ATTENDS IT AND GETS ON A
Heavy Disgust-A Lecture on
Democracy.
From the Toledo Blade.
Post Office, Confedrit X Roads.
(Wich is in the State uv Kentucky,)
May 24, 1868.
I wuz at Chicago one day, and
that one day satissied me. My ears
was stunned with roars for Grant;
wichever way I turned my eyes I
saw nothing but Grant badges and
Grant. medals; the bands wuz all
playin the Star Spangled Banner and
such, and even the street organ grind-
ers hed attuned their lyres to the
same Ablishun melodies.
On my arrival I askt a vishus boy,
wich I knowd wuz Dimecratic, from
the fact that his little shirt wood hev
hung out uv his little pants if he'd
hed any shirt, ef he cood show me
where the Ablishum Convenshun was
a holdin itself.
"Certainly I kin, my old buffer,"
sed he. "lt's in that yer bildin,"
pintin, as he spoke, to a ruther gor-
gus edifice with a steeple to it.
I entered it, and wuz surprised,
not only at the fewness uv the dele-
gates on the floor, but at their pe-
culyer appearance. They wus all
solemn lookin chaps with gold spec.
tacles, black coats, high foreheads
and white neckeichers. "Is this,"
thot I to myself, "the uniform dele-
gates wear at Republikin conven-
shuns?"
At this pint I turned to a man sit-
tin beside me, and in an undertone
askt which wuz ahed on the last bal.
lot, Colfax or Wade?
"Sir," sed he, "are you a Johnson
Postmaster?"
"I am." sed I defiantly.
"How
didst determine that pint?"
"By yoor breath," sed he. "Yoor
mistaken in the place my friend.
This is a Methodist Conference."
That wikked and perverse boy hed
intenshnelly deceeved me.
Unable to obtane admission into
the Opera House, I whiled away the
rosy hours a visitin the delegashen
rooms. The Ingeany delegashen of-
fered me water when I intimated I
wuz athirst. The Ohio delegashen
knew me on site, and rekested me
to dust, and the California delega!
shen' uv 'wich' I expected better
things, hed the impudence to offer
me wine! Wine! Wine! to feed such
a nose ez I carry about. Wine to
satisfy the cravins uv sich a stum-
mick ez mine!. Faugh! And the
man who did it had been in Californy
twenty years!.
Disgusted at the thinness uv the
beverages I retired into. a friendly
hostelry kept by Dennis O'Shaugh-
nese y, and at his hospitable bar,
solaced myself with three fingers uv
Kentucky sustenance.
There wuz no enthoosiasm among
the citizens uv Chicago wich I uater-
ally fell among. The s'loon keepers,
wich in remembrance uv the Demo-
cratic Convenshun uv lS64 had made
extra preparashuns, waz gloomy, sad
and disappointed. These places.
garnisht for the occasion wuz sad
and lonely. There wuz an entire
absence uv that gentle gurgle wich
to me is so pleasin, there wuz none
uv the generous noses and faces
ligbted with the radiance born uv
the barl wihch I am so accustomed
to. No, Chicago wuz no place for
me:+
Its the last Republican convenshen
I shel ever attend. The idea uv a
confrence sittin in the same city with
a convenshen!. The idea uv minglin
politics with religion! Will there
be confrences in Noo York in Jooly?
Methinks not, onless indeed my
church shood decide to hold one.
On my return we wuz a settin in
Bascom's discussin the nominashuus.
Deekin Pogram wuz indignant, and
sed, with horror in his sainted face.
"Kin it be that men perfessin nash-
nel views wood offer sich a insult to
Kentucky ez to nominate sich a man
ez Grant, who, sword in hand. devas-
tatid her furtile fields and piled the
bodies uy her nootral sons who re.
sisted his advance mountain high?--
Kin it be that-"
"Easy, Deekin," replied I, "stiddy!
stiddy! Don't take posishen rashly.
It ain't improbable that we may hev
to nominate Hancock or some other
soljer. In that event--but I've sed
enuff."
"Well, at all evence," sed the
Deekin, "it's a most hoomiliatin
thing to hev thrown in our fsces a in.
famous proposishen to pay a debt
inkurred in a infamous attempt to
subjoogate us--to pledge our labor
to pay a debt unconstitooshnally in
kurred, and un--"
"Deekin." said I, "yoor zeal I do
admire. but voor reely indiscreet.-
It may be found necessary in order
to carry Noo York to nominate Bel.
mont's man, who will be pledged to
this very thing. Go a little slow."
"Well. however that may be. it's
a burnin shame to throw into Ken.
tucky's face a Abolisnnist--two uv
em in fact--and-"
"Deekin." (I spoke this time se.
verely) "yoor very indiscreet to-day.
It's possible, and I may say proba-
ble, that that noble patriot, Cheef
Justis Chase. who hez bin a friteful
Ablishnist, and who, ef he runs, will,
for obvius reasons, make us swaller
at the beginnin a portion uv his her.
esies, may be our candidate. Say
nothin Deekin that yoo'l hev to take
back."
Foolin that. rite here wiz a splen.
did chance for an improvin discorse
on the nacher, objicks and aims of
Dimocrisy, I opened out onto em.
Dimocrisy, I remarkt, is distin.
guished cheefly fur its elasticity in
adaptin means to ends. One wood
suppose thiat Postoflis is its cheef
end. In one sense it is. Dimocrisy
is willin' to sacrifice anything which
it hez for Postoflis. It mite raise
Deekin Pogram's ire to sujest the
nominashen uv Hancock, on akkount
uv his insistin on pavin' off the
nashnel debt, or Chase, who hez bin
in hus day suspected uv bein tainted
with Ablishnism. But, my brether-
ing, let it be remembered that suc-
cess is the main objick. Success is
what Bascom wants, that I, being
contin yood in oflis, may hev the
means to pay for the likker I con-
soom, and avoid the necessity uv
bein continyooally rekested to chalk
it down, which practis he esteems
disgustin, and one which greatly in-
creases his labors. Ceptain McPel.
ter wants success that he may con-
tinyoo to hev Assessors, Collectors
Revenoo oflieers with which he can
divide the profits uv the $2 tax on
the whisky he makes, and Deekin
Pogram wants success that he may
hev his niggers agin, or at least that
he may hev the privilege uv hirin
em for $14 per month, deducting 25
cents per day for each day's absence,
without no Burow offiser or military
satrap hanging about to molest or
make afraid. Success is the main
pint, and ef Hancock is the way,
walk ye in it--ef Chase or Seymour
is the way, walk ye ditto, for with
each uv these men all these things
we'll hev. When they come to us,
they leave their former selves be.
hind.
But meihinks I hear one say, Han-
cock is a soljer, Seymour a anti re-
pudiator, and Chase a Ablishnist!-
Wat uv that? They may be wat they
like when they, go into oflis--assosia-
shun with us fetches them sooner or
later. Kin yoo tetch pitch and not
be defiled? Doolittle, Cowan and
Dixon wuz Ablishnists. . When they
split from Ablishnism--the minit
they fell into our embraces--they be-
came ez satisfactory Dimokrats ez I
cood wish. The road down is an
easy one to travel. It's easier to
slide than to climb, wich is the rea-
son why so many more are damned
than saved. Dimocrisy, like Bas.
com's new likker, holds a man when
it gits him. ' Johnson wuz a good
enuff Ablishnist till he called onto
us for help, and then he wuz lost.--
Let Chase stay with us a week and
he'd forget all his old ideas, yoo
bet. 'Shood yoo poke that silver
pitcher at him the niggers give him
at Cincinnati, for defendin a fugi-
tive, he'd swear he never saw it.--
And there is no goin back for the
principal one, Their remorse kind
o' drives em deeper and deeper, till
they finally are worse than ez tho
they originally wuz uv us. Let us,
my brethren, never reject any help
we kin git. Let it come in any shape,
and from any source, it'll finally
assimilate to us, and be uv us·
Remember Johnson, Cowan, Doolit.
tle and Dixon swore, when they start-
ed at Philadelphia, that they neyer
cood go into the ranks uv the Dimoc-
risy; in a year they wuz makin
speeches for us in Connecticut.
Ez I conclooded my remarks, my
circle all agreed that it wuz safe to
take whatever we cood git from the
enemy, and retired, I feehng that
whatever other localities mite do the
Corners wuz safe. Wat an outrage
it is though, that the Ablishnists
nominated sich a man for Vice Pres.
ident ez to make Grant perfectly safe
from bein removed ez Lincoln wuz.
If he's elected he'll serve out his
time shure.
PETroleum V. Nasby, P. M.,
(Wich is Postmaster.)