Knoxville Daily Chronicle

NASBY:
The Trouble in the Democratic
Camp and How Mr. Nasby
Settled It.
[From the Toledo Blade.]

Governor's Island,
(Wich is in the state of Noo York,)
August 23rd, 1880.

Yisterday wuz the most eggscitin
time we ever hed on the Island. I
hev bin in many a tite place in my
life, but never in so tite a one ez this.
It wiz a close time when I deserted
from the Looisiana pelikins, and wuz
bein shot at by the pelikins from be-
hind and the fedrals from the front,
wich is the normal condition uv a
northern dimekrat, and wuz presi-
dent uv the Onlimited Trust and
Confidence company, and wuz pur-
sood by a infooriated mob, but them
escapes pale into insignificance com-
pared with wat I undergoed yister-
day.

It wuz the day we set apart, Han-
ck and me, to receive delegashuns,
wich we do wunst a week. This is
alluz our trvin day, and I hey to be
in Ginral Hancock's room to assist
him. -He is very much in need uv a
statesman, and I serve him in that
capassity.

The delegashuns come all to wunst,
and there waz a purty mix. The
fust that got awjence wuz from Inje-
any.

The cheerman remarkt that his
devoshun 'to dimocrisy and his admi-
rashun of Ginral Hancock, our stan-
dard "bearer," wuz sublime. He
pledged Injeany to the nominee, by
a very large - majority, onless
our friends in Kentucky disappoint
us, wich they would not. But he
came to lay before the president that
is to be, the views of the dimocrisy
uv Injeany, showin wat dimocrisy is
in that state. Wat the dimocrisy uv
Injeany wanted wuz a totle destruc-
shun of the nashnel banks, and an
onlimited ishoo uv greenbax by the
general government. The dimocrisy
uv Injeany; ez wun man, demandid
fat money, and all they wantid uy it.

The Noo Yorker retortid that no
Injeany repoodiashunist shood dic
tate to the dimocrisy uv Noo York.
Gimral Hancock remarkt that ez
he hed sed afore, he hedn't given
the subiect that keerful attenshun
wich its importance demands, but-

The Pennsvlvania delegashun
broke in. Wat the dimocrisy uv
Pennsylvania wanted and must hev
wuz a high protective tariff, and
without it

Ginral Hancock remarkt that he
hed never given the tariff question
any attenshun, but ez soon ez he got
thro with nashnel bankin and finance,
after the eleckshun, he wood study
it. Hened already procoored all
the nessary books on the subjick.

The Illinoy delegashun swore that
they wood hev no tariffs. Dimocrisy
meant free trade, and no graspin
monopolists shood come here in the
name of Dimocrisy, and

Teers wuz filling the Ginral's eyes,
when I interfered. It wuz high time,
for ther wuz six more delegashuns to
speak, all from different parts uv the
kentry, and I foresaw wat a terrible
season ther wood be. efoil wuzn't
pored onto the troubled waters.

"Gentlemen," said I
.:it'a
word ef
you please, in season.
You are all,
doubtless, good demekrats, but yoo
ain't..none.. uv yoo got. the proper
noshun uy wat dimocrisy reely does
mean. Dimocrisy is a comprehen-
sive word, and kivers a great deal of
ground. Our Injeany friend wants
onlimited money-he may cherish bis
noshin and still be a good dimekrat.
Our Noo York friend wants hard
money -he shel cherish his beleef.
ginral and me hev no dejeckshuns.
Likewise ez to the tariff and free
trade. There is room for all, and
plenty to spare for all other beleefs.
100

"But the primary, central, con
trollin ijee uv dimocrisy is post offis.
That is the central sun--the great
inspirin ijee, wich swallers up and
drowns out all the rest. For twenty
042 an000"
long years we hev bin fastin, with the
government granary in full view. and
it is altime to put an end to it. bWat
is gtariff compared to our holdin
the puss-strings uy the nashen? Wat
29010
the tariff question, ez compared
with custom houses and furrin mish-
ins? Ginral Hancock may not be
learned on these questions. but he
knows enuff to sign his name to com-
mishuns, and that is the fust rekisit
uv a dimicratic president.

"We are perfeckly willin that yoo
shel hev yoor differences, but in the
interest uv post offis we wood se-
jest that yoo defer any menshun uv
em till after the eleckshun. Then
the ginral and me are perfeckly
willin that yoo shel fite over em all
yoo choose. It will then be a mat
ter uv perfeck indifference to us wat
dimocrisy meens. Possibly, when
each uv yoo goes home with his
commishn in his pockit, you will be
able to see things diffrent, and these
questions won't look so important to
yoou ez they do now.

"Wat the dimocrisy wants is suc-
cess. We want the post offises and
the other places. Prinsipple is a
mighty good thing to talk about. but
post offis is the end we are aimin
at."

"Gentlemen, go home. Advokate
in your respective localities whatever
polisy will git the most votes, and
when we hev cast anker in the har-
bor uv success, and we hey the froots
uv victry safely hived, there will be
time enuff to discuss these triflin
matters. Let our watchword be
everywhere, Hancock and a post-
offis!"

The little speech had the desired
effeck, for eyery man uv them real-
ized the fact that he cood never git a
smell uy a place under anybody but
Hancock. and every one uv em pock-
eted his platform, and all agreed
that I l ed presented the matter in a
statesmanlike way. Likewise every
man uv em coincided with Ginral
Hancock's views on the leadin ishoos
that hed bin Lenshund, and pledged
him their harty support.

It is great thing to be a states-
man.

PETROLEUM V. NASBY,
(Pacificator.)