The New Hampshire Gazette

SIR BANKS
AND THE THIEFTAKERS.

SIR JOSEPH, fav'rite of great Queens
and Kings,
Whose wisdom, weed & insect huntings;
And ladies fair applaud, with smiles
dimpling;
Went forth one day, amidst the laughing
fields,
Where nature such exhaustless treasure
yields,
A simpling
It happen'd on the self-same morn so bright,
The nimble pupils of Sir Samson Wright,
A simpling too for plants, call'd Thieves,
Proceeded;
Of which the nation's field should oft be
weeded.
Now did a thieftaker sly,
Peep o'er a hedge with cunning eye,
And quick espy'd the Knight with so-
lemn air,
Deep in a ditch where watercresses grow;
On which he to his comrades cry'd, "See,
ho!"
Then jump'd (unportman-like) upon
his hare.
Hare-like Sir Joseph did not squeak, but
baw'd
With dread prodigiously appall'd-
The thieftakers no ceremony us'd
But taking poor Sir Joseph by the neck,
They bade him speak
But fit with names their captive Knight
abus'd.
"Sirs, what d'ye take me for?" the Knight
exclaim'd--
"A thief," reply'd, the runners with a
sneer:
"And now, Sir, let us search you, and be
damn'd"
And then they search'd his pockets, fobs
and purse:
But 'stead of pistol dire, and crape,
A pocket handkerchief they cast their
eye on,
Containing frogs and toads of various shape,
Dock, daily, nettletop, and dandelion,
To entertain, with great propriety,
The members of his age society
Yet would not alter they their strong belief,
That this their pris'ner was no thief
"Sirs, I'm no highwayman," exclaim'd the
Knight
"No--there," rejoin'd the runners, "you
are right
"A footpad only--Yes, we know your
trade--
Yes, you're a pretty babe of grace:
We want no proofs, Old Codger, but
your face;
"So come along with us Old Blade."
Twas useless to resist, or to complain-
In vain, Sir Joseph pleaded-- 'twas in vain
That he was highly titled, that he wore,
The insignia that poor Banks his titles
counted,
Which to an F. R. S. & Knight amounted.
His guardians laugh'd, and clapp'd, and
cry'd, "encore."
Sir Joseph told them, that a neighb'ring
Squire
Should answer for it that he was no thief;
On which they plumply damn'd him for a
liar,
And said such tories should not have his
beef;
And if they understood their trade,
His mittimus would soon be made;
And forty pounds be theirs, a pretty sum
For ending such a rogue to kingdom come.
Now to the Squire mov'd pris'ner Knight
and Co.
The runners taking him in tow,
Like privateers of Britain's warlike nation
Towing a French East Indiaman, their prize
So black, and of enormous size,
Safe into port for condemnation.
Whether they ty'd his hands behind his
back,
For fear the Knight might run away,
And made, indelicate, his breeches slack,
We've no authority to say.
And now the country people gather'd
All round,
And star'd upon the Knight in thought
profound,
Not on the system of Linnaeus thinking,
Fancying they saw a rogue in ev'ry feature;
Such is the populace's horrid nature
Towards people thro' misfortune sinking
At length, amidst much mob and mire,
Indeed amidst innumerable ranks,
Fatigu'd, they reach'd the mansion of the
Squire,
To prove the identity of Joseph Banks.
Now to the Squire, familiar bow'd the
Knight,
Who knew Sir Joseph at first sight
What strongly mark'd, is quickly known
again--
And with a frown that awe and dread
commanded,
The thieftakers severely reprimanded
For thus mistaking gentlemen.
Then bade them ask a pardon on their knees,
Of him that was a Knight and F. R. S.
Who, rather than the higher pow'rs dis-
please
Imagin'd that they could not well do less
Then on their knuckles rais'd they hand
and eyes,
And cry'd Sir Joseph's pardon for be-
lief,
That when they jump'd upon him by sur-
prise,
They took so great a genman for a thief.
Hoping to mind the advice of godly books
Viz. not to judge of people by their looks.