The Republican

RED DOG'S FOURTH.

A Joker Mixed the Mayor, and the Town Had a Close Shave.

[Copyright, 1900, by A. B. Lewis.]

The citizens of Red Dog were dumfounded one day the latter part of June when an order was issued by the newly elected mayor strictly prohibiting any celebrating in the town on the Fourth of July. He even went so far as to bar firecrackers and threatened to lock up the first individual caught building a bonfire or shooting a rocket.

An indignation meeting was at once called, and the result was that a committee of the leading citizens marched over to the mayor's office with a request that he cancel the order.

"That order stands, boys," was the official's blunt reply. "I'm ag'in any sich nonsense."

"But we're a-feelin' mighty patriotic this y'ar," protested one of the committee, "and ar' jest achin' to do a leetle celebratin'."

"I'll hev to jail the fust cuss who goes ag'in my order," said the mayor as he looked about threateningly.

"But can't we do a leetle poppin' and a leetle whoopin' fur freedom?" another of the committee wanted to know.

"Not while I'm mayor of this town."

"But ve don't mind if we shoot off that old cannon over by the town hall jest fur the sake of the battle of Lexington, do ye?"

"I sartinly do. Ye read my order."

"But look-a-yere, Mayor Powell!" exclaimed one of the committee indignantly, "what in thunder ails ye, anyhow? We allus begins whoppin' fur independence, freedom, George Washington and good whisky at 3 o'clock in the morning yere every Fourth of July, and I'm hanged if I kin see why we shouldn't keep right on a-doin' so! The public demands it!"

"Waal, I'd like to obleege ye all," answered the mayor in conciliatory tones, "but it's dead ag'in my principles to allow anything of the kind. I never bothered to l'arn much about history, but a book agent come along last week and told me some facts that put me dead ag'in celebrations."

"But ye ought to be satisfied the way our forefathers fit. Ye couldn't kick at the way they chawed up the British at Lexington and other places, could ye?"

"N-o, sartinly not."

"What seems to bother ye, then, mayor?"

"Waal, it was the beginnin' of the hull thing that's riled me."

"How do ye mean?" asked the citizen who had been doing most of the talking.

"IT WAS THE BEGINNIN' OF THE HULL THING THAT'S RILED ME."

"As I remember it, the throwin' overboard of the tea in Boston harbor started the fuss. Wasn't that the proper thing fur us to do?"

"Throwin' overboard of tea?" asked the mayor in astonishment. "Ye don't mean to go and contend that it was tea they throwed overboard?"

They one and all assured him that such was the case, and they went to history to prove it. After a long silence and some deep thinking on the part of the mayor he suddenly exclaimed:

"Why, of course it was tea—of course it was—and that durned book agent was stringin' me all the time. The blamed coyote told me it was whisky, and 50-y'ar-old stuff at that, that our forefathers throwed overboard, and I figgered that if they was sich fools as that we hadn't orter to do any shoutin' fur 'em. Whoop! Everybody give three cheers fur George Washington and then foller me over to the Dewey saloon, and if I kin find a critter that ain't a-hollerin' on the Fourth I'll clap him in jail or run him out of Red Dog."

A. B. Lewis.