The Tri County News

Ideas for UNO

Elmer Twitchell, world famous architect, high-wheeled bicyclist and planner extraordinary, comes out with a blueprint for essential buildings at the proposed UNO vast international peace city.

Mr. Twitchell himself has contributed the funds for two of the most important buildings: a Hall for Nervous Breakdowns and a Hospital for Overworked Interpreters.

The Twitchell Plan follows:

Wishing Well:
Large and imposing, to be erected in the very center of UNO as a sort of key to the whole business. All delegates would be required to visit it before each session. Special exercises for the small nations whenever the Big Four are in a private huddle.

Ice Hockey Center:
Must be especially spacious. When meetings in the regular auditoriums become too rough, adjournment to the hockey center can be taken at once.

Seismographic Building:
In no territory on earth will the prompt detection of disturbances within the earth be more essential. Building should have super type seismographs, and carry spares for use when main ones are broken by disturbances within the UNO itself.

Hall of the Alibis:
This building should be so designed as to face both ways at once and might even be put on a revolving platform. Special press galleries. Day and night lunch service for periods when the diplomats making the alibis and explanations are having stymie trouble.

Bull Ring:
(Mr. Twitchell wants this one designed especially for a few figures whose actions and words make such a place essential. More later.)

Most Embarrassing Moments Auditorium:
Pink marble with sunken floors and disappearing cabinets; with adjunct to be known as the False Whiskers Annex. Very handy for delegates caught in doubletalk. (Automatic blush controls.)

Voice Throwing Center:
Should be on outskirts of reservation where notably persistent orators of the filibuster species may keep in shape without disturbing the current sessions, which will be noisy enough.

World Amity Gymnasium:
Special running track (with trap doors) for any speed boys whose specialty is artful dodging, running in excessive circles, etc.

Pussyfoot Infirmary:
To provide treatments for building up tissues of the overcautious and the extra adroit. Feature of this building to be science's latest invention, the AM I A Mouse or Man-O-Graph.

UNO and the Bathing Beach

("Nearness to the mountains and seashore, because of summer heat, is emphasized as a consideration observed in selecting the permanent UNO site."—News item.)

When a fellow's solving problems
Of a very global sort
When he's striving for more concord
And a peace that won't be short
When he's busy on a blueprint
And all-embracing plan,
He will want to go in swimming
Just like any other man.

When a crisis in far Denmark
And another one in Greece
And a third in Argentina
Threatened unity in Greece—
When the muddles are perplexing
And the outlook's very black,
Oh, how nice to find a beachside
There to lie upon one's back!

If the day is hot and humid
And there's talk of further wars
And there is no breeze for UNO
Through the windows or the doors
And the Big Three's brows are dripping
And their shirtfronts watery
Any cause of peace is bettered
By a dive into the sea.

So let nothing interfere with
UNO's closeness to a beach
(With a swimming-float, a surfboard
And a coke or two in reach);
Let it never be the verdict
Should war raise its face so grim
"That's what comes of keeping
UNO
From a handy place to swim."