Delaware State Journal, Advertiser And Star

For the State Journal.
"THE OLD ACADEMY."

As this venerable and classic edifice is now almost demolished, I am about to preserve its memory from oblivion by becoming the chronicler of certain remarkable and pleasant occurrences which happened therein.

Since the beginning of the present century, there flourished as a teacher of the classics in that ancient building, a certain little man, who was born in an island not far west of England. Though short in stature, he had a measurably large head, which was well filled. His pupils consisted of about fifteen young men, or rather boys, ranging in age between 13 and 21; of whom, I, the writer, counted one. Some of us liked play better than Latin, and all, with one exception, liked mischief better than any thing else. On second thought, I doubt if there was a single exception to that remark, although it pinches me a little to confess it.

Now, Dominie resorted to various means of adding to his visible magnitude, being aware perhaps that little people are apt to have but little authority. One of these methods was to locate his chair on a platform elevated about a foot above the floor; from which situation he could overlook the heads of his tallest boys. The platform was moveable, and was now resting over a hole in the floor, large enough to thrust one's foot through. I beg my readers to bear in mind these two circumstances to wit: the moveable nature of the platform, and the hole in the floor beneath it. They are essential parts of my story. Another thing must be known, which is already known to all the boys who ever went to school in the Academy and played at marbles: there was an open unoccupied cellar under the building.

It so happened one day, that a brace of my confederates discovered the aforesaid particulars, just at the commencement of the afternoon's school. In a moment the plan of a most splendid trick flashed across their minds. They were in the cellar, and a pile of fence-rails was at hand. One of these was selected, and its extremity carefully poked through the hole above, while the two conspirators manned its lower end, ready for action.

What Dominie was thinking of, meanwhile, I cannot say. I was sitting in my place at the time, and all the students of the school, except the two heroes in the cellar, were in their seats. The little man had just ascended into his large chair, and called us to order. While he was in the act of secreting his chin in the most dignified style behind the upper edge of his high cravat, and preparing some authoritative speech, the chair and platform suddenly began to rise. We were all attention and astonishment.

Had not the master been the only person involved, we should have thought of explosions and earthquakes. The poor man was raised faster and faster, till finally he was tilted from his throne, and deposited on the floor in no particular position, and in no particular place, except that he just escaped the red-hot stove. The end of the trigger which then appeared for a moment sticking through the floor, explained the phenomenon, to the infinite satisfaction of all the company save one.

As soon as he regained his feet, Dominie made for the cellar, on a reconnoitering expedition. Before he got to the door however, the perpetrators of the deed were just entering it, with most innocent school-boy faces. He had marked the two absentees, but in his haste, passed them without scrutiny. The next minute, while we were laughing quite as heartily as we could without pain, the stentorian voice of the little man came sounding through the floor, vociferating to the supposed criminals, "You M—, you W—, come down out o'there!" Dominie had thrust his head up the chimney, where he supposed his offending pupils were secreted—not dreaming that they could have escaped from the cellar before he reached it, nor that those whom he sought had passed him at the door. The scene was altogether so very funny, that most of us found it convenient to sprawl out on the floor. I wonder that some of us ever stopped laughing.

Dominie soon gave over the search, and marched majestically into the school-room. What was his surprise to behold his every student sitting at the desk! Right glad that none of us knew on whom his suspicions had so unjustly fixed, he spake not a word on the subject. The platform was soon again mounted, but the hole in the floor remained uncovered, in spite of the cold wind which constantly streamed through it. Our preceptor does not know, to this day, who were the actors in accomplishing his disastrous elevation and fall.

Many other things were done by some one or another of the said fifteen. Perhaps I will record a few more of their exploits.

CoMus, Jr.
-HOH