The Weekly Gazette

THE WEEKLY-GAZETTE, FRIDAY, JULY 5, 1940
Kathleen Norris Says:
Be Worth Wanting Girls
And You'll Be Wanted
(Bell Syndicate--WNU Service.)

"Tom," said this girl, "we have to take my kid brother to Grandma's. And Mama wants me to stop and get her some vanilla. Isn't this fun! This is the first time we've been to a movie together!"

By KATHLEEN NORRIS

A WOMAN in our town. after nine childless years of marriage, adopted a baby boy. She and her husband became so infatuated with the charms of the tiny Keith that a year or two later they adopted a brother for him.

Never were parents so happy as these two in their handsome boys. John Macgregor came home every night to play with "our kids" and help put them to bed. Nell Macgregor boasted everywhere of the smartness of "the children." And when Keith was three and Bruce two, Nature stepped in and sent the Macgregors a boy of their own, and this morning when the ages of their small family are five, four and two years I am informed that there is to be another child.

Stop Worrying.

This happens so often that it makes one realize that the minute a woman begins to stop fretting, and worrying. and thinking exclusively about something, is often the very moment when she is nearest to attaining it. Over and over again the years, in which a woman talks and worries and hopes for a child, are wasted years and when she becomes absorbed in something real and forgets her yearnings, the contrary baby decides it is time to start on its way.

It is the same way with the unmarried woman whose whole thought is a fear of spinsterhood and a desire to secure a beau. She emanates some element that repels a man's interest; she creates about her an atmosphere that is destructive to a love affair. Such a woman places far too much importance upon the whole thing. She can't take love naturally: she is always thinking of it. construing the most innocent friendly advances of any man, into serious declarations, frightening him off with her own too-eager response.

Looks Play Minor Role.

Hundreds of women, whose ages range from 24 to 40, write me every year about this problem. Sometimes they send their pictures, to prove to me that they are good-looking.

As if looks had anything to do with it!

But they think looks have. And many a time it is her fussiness about her appearance, her embarrassed apologies for her hair or her old hat, or that maddening little patch of poison-oak on her cheek-bone that make a man know that here is a born old maid, thinking of nothing but herself. Or rather. thinking of nothing but the impression the man is getting of herself.

She can be natural and simple and amusing, with comfortable silent intervals, in the presence of anyone else. But the minute a man is around she goes stiff, self-conscious and silly; tittering. saying things she doesn't mean, painfully shy one moment, wildly reckless the next, always presenting to him not only her least natural side, but making an impression that is absolutely unfair to herself.

Develop 'Comfortableness.'

The real basic trouble is that such girls make men too important. The man knows it, and while it flatters his secret pride, he goes for comfortable friendships to the other girl: those cheerful casual souls who don't mind his seeing them with a cold in the nose, with an old coat, with errands to do. If there is one quality a man likes in a woman it is "comfortableness." He likes to be made to forget himself, forget that he is openly announcing himself as an admirer of this woman, forget everything except the pleasantness of companionship and the fun and joy of a good time.

The other night, on an evening walk, I passed a small lighted house from whose doorway a tall girl was briskly emerging. A young man was waiting in the garden shadows for her, and as she approached him she was calling back a message into the house.

"Mary. if you read my book don't lose the place; I will, Mama! I will, Dad. Tom," said this girl, joining the waiting swain, "we have to take my kid brother to Grandma's. because my sister's here with her baby. And Mama wants me to stop and get her some vanilla; I promised I'd make a chocolate custard for Dad tomorrow. Isn't this fun!" she went on, as she and the young man went toward his car, "d'you realize this is the first time we've been to a movie together?"

The Full Life.

The first time. But if I know men it wasn't the last. For in her easy, joyous way she'd told him that she loved her family and needed them, and they needed her, and that even a beau didn't put her father's, mother's. sister's, brother's comfort out of her mind: that she was interested in plenty of things other than the excitement of having a man take her to a movie.

To be able to extend simple friendliness to male friends, as easily as to women friends, is a real gift. But if it is not a natural thing it can be cultivated. The secret is to be a whole, complete person yourself, not waiting for another person to round out your entity. The moment a woman finds life full and satisfying, some man turns up who wants to break in on that happy, contented life, and share it. She is absorbed in books, friends, work, hobbies, plans. Next summer she is going to do wonderful things; next winter she has been promised that adorable apartment she's had her eye on for two years. Friday night is symphony night and Tuesday night is the hilarious Spanish class, on Sunday she always goes out to her brother's place and they picnic or do something with the children. She has a victrola, a radio and a car and one or two of those male stand-bys who are not beaus, exactly, but who are always on hand for escort duty on real occasions.

Challenge to Men.

When an eligible man meets a woman whose life is as well-rounded as this, a yearning to upset her smug little apple-cart takes possession of him. She doesn't need him. and so he has to convince her that she does.

He asks her curiously why she, at 32, has not married, and she can answer with perfect truth and seriousness that she's been too busy- she likes men, really she does. but she never seems to have any time to think of marriage!

But surely she'd like a home, and kids of her own?

Well. ye-es. of course. But then so often things don't turn out right.

And she is so comfortable, with her fire and her books and her friends—

He then must set to work to convince her that she is all wrong. A woman doesn't know what happiness is until she marries. He's always thought he didn't want to marry, himself, but as a man gets older and sees the happiness of his friends

And from that point on, all is smooth sailing.