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Literary
December 8, 1800
Jenks's Portland Gazette
Portland, Cumberland County, Maine
What is this article about?
A cautionary poem recounting how a gullible Yorkshireman named Humphrey loses a guinea to cunning London pickpockets while admiring the water pumps on London Bridge, tricked by a feigned fall and accusation.
Clipping
OCR Quality
95%
Excellent
Full Text
SELECTIONS.
From an English Paper.
TWO HEADS ARE BETTER THAN ONE.
A cautionary Tale for the unwary.
As Yorkshire Humphrey t'other day,
O'er London bridge was tramping;
He saw with wonder and delight
The water works a pumping.
Numps gazing stood, and wond'ring how
This grand machine was made,
To feast his eyes, to thrust his head
Betwixt the balustrade.
A sharper prowling near the spot,
Observed the gaping lout ;
And soon with silly hook-finger turns
His pocket inside out.
Numps feels the twitch, and turns around?
The thief, with artful sneer,
Says sir, you'll presently be robb'd
For pick-pockets are near,"
Quoth Numps, " I don't fear London thieves,
I'm not a simple youth ;
My guinea, Master s, safe enow ;
I've put'n in ma mouth !"
" You'll pardon me," the rogue replies,
Then moderately retires;
Numps re-assumes his gaping post
And still the work admires.
The artful prowler takes his stand,
With Humphrey still in view,
And now an Infant thief drew near,
And each the other knew.
When first the elder thief began;
"Observe that gaping lout?
He has a guinea in his mouth,
And we must get it out."
" Leave that to me," young Filcher says,
I have a scheme quite pat;
" Only observe how neat I'll queer,
That gaping country flat!"
By this time Numps had gazed his fill,
Was trudging thro' the street,
When the young pilferer tripping by
Falls prostrate at his feet.
" O law! O dear! my money's lost"
The artful urchin moans:
While half pence, falling from his hand,
Roll jingling o'er the stones.
The passengers now stoop to find,
And give the boy his coin,
And Humphrey with his friendly hand
Most cordially does join.
" There is thy pence," quoth Numps, " my boy,"
" Be sure thee holds 'em faster.—
" My pence :" quoth Flea," here is my pence;
But where's my guinea master?"
"Help, help! good folks, for god's sake, help!"
Bawls out the hopeful youth ;
" He pick'd my guinea up just now,
And has it in his mouth!'"
The elder thief was lurking near,
Now close to Humphrey draws
And, seizing by the gullet, plucks
The guinea from his jaws
Then roars out, "Masters, here's the coin,
I'll give the child his guinea;
But who'd have thought to see a thief
In the same country ninny?"
Humphrey astonish'd thus begins.
" Good Masters, hear me, pray;"
But duck him, duck him is the cry ;
At length he Sneaks away.
"And now," quoth Numps "I will believe
What often I've heard said,
That London thieves will steal the teeth
Out of a body's head."
From an English Paper.
TWO HEADS ARE BETTER THAN ONE.
A cautionary Tale for the unwary.
As Yorkshire Humphrey t'other day,
O'er London bridge was tramping;
He saw with wonder and delight
The water works a pumping.
Numps gazing stood, and wond'ring how
This grand machine was made,
To feast his eyes, to thrust his head
Betwixt the balustrade.
A sharper prowling near the spot,
Observed the gaping lout ;
And soon with silly hook-finger turns
His pocket inside out.
Numps feels the twitch, and turns around?
The thief, with artful sneer,
Says sir, you'll presently be robb'd
For pick-pockets are near,"
Quoth Numps, " I don't fear London thieves,
I'm not a simple youth ;
My guinea, Master s, safe enow ;
I've put'n in ma mouth !"
" You'll pardon me," the rogue replies,
Then moderately retires;
Numps re-assumes his gaping post
And still the work admires.
The artful prowler takes his stand,
With Humphrey still in view,
And now an Infant thief drew near,
And each the other knew.
When first the elder thief began;
"Observe that gaping lout?
He has a guinea in his mouth,
And we must get it out."
" Leave that to me," young Filcher says,
I have a scheme quite pat;
" Only observe how neat I'll queer,
That gaping country flat!"
By this time Numps had gazed his fill,
Was trudging thro' the street,
When the young pilferer tripping by
Falls prostrate at his feet.
" O law! O dear! my money's lost"
The artful urchin moans:
While half pence, falling from his hand,
Roll jingling o'er the stones.
The passengers now stoop to find,
And give the boy his coin,
And Humphrey with his friendly hand
Most cordially does join.
" There is thy pence," quoth Numps, " my boy,"
" Be sure thee holds 'em faster.—
" My pence :" quoth Flea," here is my pence;
But where's my guinea master?"
"Help, help! good folks, for god's sake, help!"
Bawls out the hopeful youth ;
" He pick'd my guinea up just now,
And has it in his mouth!'"
The elder thief was lurking near,
Now close to Humphrey draws
And, seizing by the gullet, plucks
The guinea from his jaws
Then roars out, "Masters, here's the coin,
I'll give the child his guinea;
But who'd have thought to see a thief
In the same country ninny?"
Humphrey astonish'd thus begins.
" Good Masters, hear me, pray;"
But duck him, duck him is the cry ;
At length he Sneaks away.
"And now," quoth Numps "I will believe
What often I've heard said,
That London thieves will steal the teeth
Out of a body's head."
What sub-type of article is it?
Poem
Satire
Fable
What themes does it cover?
Moral Virtue
Social Manners
What keywords are associated?
Cautionary Tale
London Thieves
Pickpockets
Gullible Countryman
Water Works
Guinea Theft
Literary Details
Title
Two Heads Are Better Than One. A Cautionary Tale For The Unwary.
Key Lines
Quoth Numps, " I Don't Fear London Thieves,
I'm Not A Simple Youth ;
My Guinea, Master S, Safe Enow ;
I've Put'n In Ma Mouth !"
"Help, Help! Good Folks, For God's Sake, Help!"
Bawls Out The Hopeful Youth ;
" He Pick'd My Guinea Up Just Now,
And Has It In His Mouth!'"
"And Now," Quoth Numps "I Will Believe
What Often I've Heard Said,
That London Thieves Will Steal The Teeth
Out Of A Body's Head."