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Literary
January 15, 1767
The Virginia Gazette
Richmond, Williamsburg, Richmond County, Virginia
What is this article about?
A satirical mock will by W. N., a bachelor from county S., bequeathing his metaphorical 'estates' of doubts, fears, vain hopes, and bachelor whims to friends Mr. W. M., J. A., and W. R. as he prepares to marry. Executed March 20, 1766, at Vain Hopes mansion.
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A BACHELOR's Will
W. N. of D. in the county of S. bachelor, being found both in body and mind, but apprehensive I shall shortly quit this vain and forlorn estate of celibacy, which I hope to exchange for a more comfortable and happy one, through the aid and indulgence of a kind and virtuous help-mate, do make and ordain this my last will and testament, in manner and form following:
Imprimis. I give and bequeath to my good friend Mr. W. M. all my manor of Long Delay, consisting and being made up of the several farms and messuages called or known by the names of Doubts, Fears, Bashfulness, Irresolution, Uncertainty, Fickleness, Obstinacy, &c. &c. being for the most part barren ground, and much overgrown with briers, thorns, and thistles; but capable, by proper management, of great cultivation and improvement.
Item. I give and bequeath unto my good friend Mr. J. A. my dwelling-house and courtlage, called by the name of Vain Hopes, situate, lying, and being, in High Street, in the town of Castle Building in the county of Imagination, rising to the height of even stories, having a fair garden and prospect before it, and a large number of windows in the front, but without any outlet behind, nor having any kitchens, cellars, or other conveniences, of a social nature, belonging to it; to have and to hold the said dwelling-house until the day of his marriage, if he shall think proper to keep it so long.
Item. I give and bequeath to my good friend Mr. W. R. all my woodland, called and known by the name of Ambiguity, which is well planted with Pine Trees, Conundrums, Quirks, and Quibbles; together with several improbable Brakes, and Thickets, of dark unintelligible Incomprehensibilities.
And, lastly, I give and bequeath all the rest of my bachelor goods and effects, consisting of a large treasure of Whims, Fancies, Megrims, Freaks, Reveries, Schemes, Projects, and Deigns, &c. to my aforesaid good friend Mr. J. A. whom I constitute and appoint sole executor of this my last will and testament; only desiring, and requesting of him, that he would put a fancy or two into the heads of such old bachelors of his acquaintance as he shall think proper: As also that he writes and pronounces an epithalamium on this happy occasion, in order that this my departure into the blessed regions of matrimony may be decently celebrated.
And as I apprehend I shall have no more occasion for the legacies above disposed of, so it is my true intent and meaning that my said legatees should not consider them as favours and obligations conferred on them; as it is also my further sincere will and desire that they do not hoard them up, or continue to make a long and unprofitable use of them; but that they should endeavour to put them off as soon as possible, to the end that they may be the better fitted and disposed to follow me into that happy state into which I am now about to enter.
Executed at my mansion of Vain Hopes aforesaid, this 20th day of March, A. D. 1766.
W. N. (L. S.)
Signed, sealed, and delivered, by the above-written testator, in the presence of us,
MarMadUKE MaTRiMoNy.
William Wedlock.
Fanny FOrWardLy.
W. N. of D. in the county of S. bachelor, being found both in body and mind, but apprehensive I shall shortly quit this vain and forlorn estate of celibacy, which I hope to exchange for a more comfortable and happy one, through the aid and indulgence of a kind and virtuous help-mate, do make and ordain this my last will and testament, in manner and form following:
Imprimis. I give and bequeath to my good friend Mr. W. M. all my manor of Long Delay, consisting and being made up of the several farms and messuages called or known by the names of Doubts, Fears, Bashfulness, Irresolution, Uncertainty, Fickleness, Obstinacy, &c. &c. being for the most part barren ground, and much overgrown with briers, thorns, and thistles; but capable, by proper management, of great cultivation and improvement.
Item. I give and bequeath unto my good friend Mr. J. A. my dwelling-house and courtlage, called by the name of Vain Hopes, situate, lying, and being, in High Street, in the town of Castle Building in the county of Imagination, rising to the height of even stories, having a fair garden and prospect before it, and a large number of windows in the front, but without any outlet behind, nor having any kitchens, cellars, or other conveniences, of a social nature, belonging to it; to have and to hold the said dwelling-house until the day of his marriage, if he shall think proper to keep it so long.
Item. I give and bequeath to my good friend Mr. W. R. all my woodland, called and known by the name of Ambiguity, which is well planted with Pine Trees, Conundrums, Quirks, and Quibbles; together with several improbable Brakes, and Thickets, of dark unintelligible Incomprehensibilities.
And, lastly, I give and bequeath all the rest of my bachelor goods and effects, consisting of a large treasure of Whims, Fancies, Megrims, Freaks, Reveries, Schemes, Projects, and Deigns, &c. to my aforesaid good friend Mr. J. A. whom I constitute and appoint sole executor of this my last will and testament; only desiring, and requesting of him, that he would put a fancy or two into the heads of such old bachelors of his acquaintance as he shall think proper: As also that he writes and pronounces an epithalamium on this happy occasion, in order that this my departure into the blessed regions of matrimony may be decently celebrated.
And as I apprehend I shall have no more occasion for the legacies above disposed of, so it is my true intent and meaning that my said legatees should not consider them as favours and obligations conferred on them; as it is also my further sincere will and desire that they do not hoard them up, or continue to make a long and unprofitable use of them; but that they should endeavour to put them off as soon as possible, to the end that they may be the better fitted and disposed to follow me into that happy state into which I am now about to enter.
Executed at my mansion of Vain Hopes aforesaid, this 20th day of March, A. D. 1766.
W. N. (L. S.)
Signed, sealed, and delivered, by the above-written testator, in the presence of us,
MarMadUKE MaTRiMoNy.
William Wedlock.
Fanny FOrWardLy.
What sub-type of article is it?
Satire
Prose Fiction
What themes does it cover?
Love Romance
Social Manners
What keywords are associated?
Bachelor Will
Mock Testament
Matrimony Satire
Vain Hopes
Long Delay
Ambiguity Woodland
Literary Details
Title
A Bachelor's Will
Subject
Departure From Bachelorhood Into Matrimony
Form / Style
Mock Legal Will
Key Lines
I Give And Bequeath To My Good Friend Mr. W. M. All My Manor Of Long Delay, Consisting And Being Made Up Of The Several Farms And Messuages Called Or Known By The Names Of Doubts, Fears, Bashfulness, Irresolution, Uncertainty, Fickleness, Obstinacy, &C. &C.
I Give And Bequeath Unto My Good Friend Mr. J. A. My Dwelling House And Courtlage, Called By The Name Of Vain Hopes, Situate, Lying, And Being, In High Street, In The Town Of Castle Building In The County Of Imagination
Executed At My Mansion Of Vain Hopes Aforesaid, This 20th Day Of March, A. D. 1766.