Fowle's New Hampshire Gazette And General Advertiser

For the NEW-HAMPSHIRE GAZETTE.

A BACHELOR'S WILL.

Messieurs PRINTERS,

Stimulated by the observations contained in the MATRIMONIAL BUDGET, published in your Gazette of the 22d instant, I have, as a Bachelor, made my last Will and Testament:--And if you think it will induce any of the Fraternity to sacrifice to HYMEN, or amuse your Readers, you have liberty to publish it in your useful paper. IMPARTIALIS SECUNDUS.

In the Name of HYMEN, Amen.--I, J. S. of E. in the county of R. Bachelor, being sound in body and mind, but apprehensive I shall shortly quit this gloomy state of Celibacy, in exchange for--Hymen's blissful mansions; do make and ordain this my last Will and Testament, in manner following,

Imprimis. I give and bequeath to my good friend, C-- R m, all my manor of Long Delay, consisting of several farms and messuages, known by the names of, Doubts, Fears. Bashfulness, Irresolution, Sickliness, Conceit, Pride, Obstinacy, and the like ;--the land being for the most part very sterile, covered with briars, thorns and nettles, and tho' rejected and nigh to cursing, is capable, by proper cultivation, of great improvement.

Item. I give and bequeath to my good friend, G-- A---, my Dwelling House with the adjacent buildings, called Vain-Hopes, situated at the head of High-Street, in the county of Imagination ; and though destitute of every convenience that is requisite to render mortals social, yet it is very suitable to contain the goods and wares of Bachelors, in which he is a great dealer.

Item. I give and bequeath to my worthy friend R-- J--, my Woodland, called Ambiguity, which is planted with pun-trees, conundrums, quirks, and quibbles, with several impenetrable morasses and thickets of dark, mysterious, unintelligible Incomprehensibilities.

And lastly, I give and bequeath the remainder of my Bachelor goods and effects, consisting of large treasures of whims, fancies, reveries, schemes, projects and designs, to my beloved friends, B-, and J--- T--, whom I constitute and appoint my Executors to this my last Will and Testament ; only requesting them to inspire such old Bachelors, as they judge necessary, with a few of such fanciful Schemes and projects, as will best conduce to the good of the fraternity :--And, also, that they write, and pronounce in Hymen's Temple, an Epithalamium on this blissful occasion, that my admission into the immarcescible regions of matrimony may be celebrated with songs of joy and demonstrations of delight.

And as I apprehend I shall have no further occasion for the legacies above disposed of, it is my desire that my Legatees should not consider them as favours conferred on them--that they should not hoard them up, as misers do useless gold, or make a long unprofitable use of them ; but that they shift them off as soon as may be, that they also may be ready to follow a departing friend to that rest which remains for all those, who with sincere honest hearts, offer up themselves pure sacrifices on Hymen's propitious Altar.

EXECUTED at Epping, in BACHELOR'S-HALL,

27th July, 1785.

J. S. (L. S.)

Signed, sealed and delivered by the above Testator, in presence of

AUGUSTUS MATRIMONY,

TRUEWORTHY WEDLOCK,

FANNY BLISS.