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Literary
December 4, 1766
The Virginia Gazette
Richmond, Williamsburg, Richmond County, Virginia
What is this article about?
A humorous letter from Simon Square to Mr. Spendthrift describes his son's obsession with classical tales and newspaper stories of one-eyed nations and giant Patagonians, leading him to reject local marriage and plan exotic travels, causing family distress over future giant in-laws and their compact home.
Clipping
OCR Quality
92%
Excellent
Full Text
From the SPENDTHRIFT.
Ah! la maudite Galere!
Moliere.
Oh! that confounded Dolphin!
Mr. SPENDTHRIFT,
I HAVE a son, who does not want for common sense, and he has lively parts; but who, from admiring strange relations, became impatiently curious to examine if they were true. A classical education, which I was advised to give him (for I am a simple man myself) increased this appetite in him. He wanted money of me to go to see nations that had but one eye in their forehead, and others that were half men half beasts. I thought that the latter was no uncommon sight at home, and the former request I turned off with a joke. In short, Sir, finding me resolute, he began by degrees to settle to business; when oh! that confounded dolphin! yes, Sir, the Patagonians, have ruined all again. My son sees clearly whence those noble images of heroick stature are copied which he met with at school. He is determined, at all events, to see them. But what shocks us most of all is he now refuses to pay his addresses to Miss Tiny, the daughter of a very worthy neighbour; as he hopes, he says, to bring us back a model of majestic greatness.
The jackanapes, in order to comfort his mother, tells her that she may give his wife the first salute out of her chamber window. At other times, that he will convey her into the cellar, as soon as she arrives; and, by means of a trap door, let out only so many feet of her as shall be adequate to his mother's stature.
One grievance more, and I have done. What will become of my neat, little, compact box at Newington, where I take the air on Sundays, and which my wife and I almost completely fill?
Do, dear Sir, endeavour to persuade my son not to believe every thing in the newspapers, except it be the high price of provisions; and then bid him to consider that, if his wife's stomach should be as large, in proportion, as her body is to be long, he will ruin himself and your constant reader,
SIMON SQUARE.
Ah! la maudite Galere!
Moliere.
Oh! that confounded Dolphin!
Mr. SPENDTHRIFT,
I HAVE a son, who does not want for common sense, and he has lively parts; but who, from admiring strange relations, became impatiently curious to examine if they were true. A classical education, which I was advised to give him (for I am a simple man myself) increased this appetite in him. He wanted money of me to go to see nations that had but one eye in their forehead, and others that were half men half beasts. I thought that the latter was no uncommon sight at home, and the former request I turned off with a joke. In short, Sir, finding me resolute, he began by degrees to settle to business; when oh! that confounded dolphin! yes, Sir, the Patagonians, have ruined all again. My son sees clearly whence those noble images of heroick stature are copied which he met with at school. He is determined, at all events, to see them. But what shocks us most of all is he now refuses to pay his addresses to Miss Tiny, the daughter of a very worthy neighbour; as he hopes, he says, to bring us back a model of majestic greatness.
The jackanapes, in order to comfort his mother, tells her that she may give his wife the first salute out of her chamber window. At other times, that he will convey her into the cellar, as soon as she arrives; and, by means of a trap door, let out only so many feet of her as shall be adequate to his mother's stature.
One grievance more, and I have done. What will become of my neat, little, compact box at Newington, where I take the air on Sundays, and which my wife and I almost completely fill?
Do, dear Sir, endeavour to persuade my son not to believe every thing in the newspapers, except it be the high price of provisions; and then bid him to consider that, if his wife's stomach should be as large, in proportion, as her body is to be long, he will ruin himself and your constant reader,
SIMON SQUARE.
What sub-type of article is it?
Satire
Essay
What themes does it cover?
Moral Virtue
Social Manners
What keywords are associated?
Patagonians
Travel Folly
Credulity
Family Marriage
Satirical Letter
Classical Education
Newspapers
What entities or persons were involved?
Simon Square
Literary Details
Author
Simon Square
Subject
Complaint About Son's Obsession With Travel Tales And Refusal Of Marriage
Key Lines
Oh! That Confounded Dolphin! Yes, Sir, The Patagonians, Have Ruined All Again.
He Now Refuses To Pay His Addresses To Miss Tiny, The Daughter Of A Very Worthy Neighbour; As He Hopes, He Says, To Bring Us Back A Model Of Majestic Greatness.
The Jackanapes, In Order To Comfort His Mother, Tells Her That She May Give His Wife The First Salute Out Of Her Chamber Window.
What Will Become Of My Neat, Little, Compact Box At Newington, Where I Take The Air On Sundays, And Which My Wife And I Almost Completely Fill?
Do, Dear Sir, Endeavour To Persuade My Son Not To Believe Every Thing In The Newspapers