Gazette Of The United States, & Philadelphia Daily Advertiser

THE
Moral Dispensary.

Hæc e carminibus promittit ovare merces
Quas velit; at aliis duras immittere curas,
Sistere aquam fluviis, et vertere sidera retrò:
Nocturnosque ciet manes. Mugire videbis
Sub pedibus terram, et descendere montibus orbes.
Vir.

Grief and joy are subject to her will:-
The flowing streams stand still and wonder.
By potent art she stops the stars and drives
them frighted back. Trees take the alarm.
and scampering quit the hills; whilst the
unwieldy earth laboring, yawning, bellowing
wakes fear, sends forth her nightly ghosts.

MUCH disturbance to the order of nature has, in all ages, been ascribed to the magic agency of women. To account for such an imputation, without acknowledging the fact, appears somewhat difficult. Whether, from their known influence over the moral world, that over the natural has, by analogical deduction, been derived; whether, from their acknowledged ability to excite connexions among the affections and passions of the heart, it has been concluded that they possess like powers over the elements of the natural creation, admits of doubt. Certain it is, that, from the earliest times, there has been a generation of wonder-working females, whose pretensions to occult science and supernatural power have procured them the notice, the admiration and the money of the credulous multitude.
I have been led to these general remarks, by an unaccountable infatuation or enchantment which appears to be practised upon the inhabitants of this city, and, particularly, upon unmarried ladies, by one of these female magicians, who is said to have set up her cotignan, and opened a commerce with other worlds, in a certain magic cell in Race street.
I am unable to ascertain the particular mode in which she operates to produce in the mind that derangement of the rational faculties, that insatiable curiosity, and that wistful anxiety to pry into the secrets of futurity, by means of which she nightly draws to her unhallowed mysteries, such multitudes of deluded mortals. It is believed, that what, to vulgar eyes, appears a simple, harmless pack of cards, is nothing less than the opodeldoc caduceus of Mercury; by the latent energies of which she summons, at her will, a congregated throng of spectres, sprights, others, ladies, waiting-maids and statesmen, who, with mingled hope and fear, hang on her lips to learn the awards of fate. She, Minos like, declares their lots:-
Around her lie
Spells, philters, globes and spheres of palmistry;
A vigil in one hand the gipsy bears,
In the other, a prophetic sieve and shears."
Thus equipped, wise and mysterious in her aspect as the sagacious owl, and big with future destiny, as bat by wanton boys blown up, she bursts with swelling divination, and, to the astonished crowd, discloses -
What? That those who marry will have husbands, and those who marry not, by Fate's unalterable decrees, must live old maids, or else no maids at all. Such and so marvelous is her matchless skill!
A still stronger proof of supernatural agency, is the mighty charm, by which she blunts the edge of sensibility and holds her female audience, unabashed, to bear what she relates. Strange as it must seem! the ears of the modest, virtuous and chaste, which, in other circumstances, would sooner be stopped forever than listen to the most remote allusion of an improper nature, here become pleased with unchaste and indecent innuendoes, and even patient of downright obscenity. Ladies, who in the free, unbiased exercise of their rational faculties, would rather die like Lucretia, than live suspected of dishonor, will here tamely submit to hear their virtue questioned, in presence of the multitude, and smile at the imputation or prediction of those "deeds of darkness," which modesty will not name and charity refuses to credit. "'Tis pitiful, 'tis wondrous pitiful" to behold in what manner the graces of modesty and the charms of beauty are here out-charmed, infatuated, and prostituted at the shrine of all-potent magic.
All will allow that great and numerous evils, pernicious to private peace and public manners, necessarily flow from disorders like these. The persons themselves will bear me witness, that, when once they have so far indulged their curiosity as to make the experiment, however resolutely they may have fortified their minds against the belief of any miraculous skill in this pretended expounder of the decrees of Heaven, there has still remained some traces of uncertainty. Some trifling circumstance, to them unaccountable, some ambiguous, unmeaning hint, which their own knowledge of facts, assisted by their own invention, could alone appropriate to any actual event, makes room for doubt, at least, if not credulity, to keep possession of the mind. This alone is sufficient to disturb the imagination, to awaken unreasonable apprehensions or false grounded suspicions, to unsettle the serenity of the temper, and to shake that calm and steady reliance which rational people should more confidently repose in their God than in the tricks of a professed conjurer.
I would not be thus serious, upon a ludicrous subject, were it not, unfortunately, true, that many, in honest simplicity, have gone so far, as, in effect, to believe, that an ignorant, silly woman has been able to rend the veil which the God of nature had kindly drawn between us and futurity, and, by dint of frivolous rites and unmeaning ceremonies, to lay open to the view of mortals, those secrets which He had wisely intended, forever, to have concealed from their sight. Such ideas, and the conduct which results from them, are not merely frivolous and ridiculous; they are absolutely criminal and impious.
Such is the disorder: but what shall be the remedy? Reasoning cannot effect it: for, though reason is a "goodly pearl," it has no beauty or value in the sight of those who direct their eyes above it, to the regions of mystery and wonder; and even the wholesome precepts of morality, seen through these mists of ignorant credulity, appear to lose their excellence and lustre.
In a case thus difficult, it is the part of a prudent physician to proceed with caution. I shall, therefore, adopt no signal measures 'till farther investigation shall have enabled me to prescribe with greater confidence of success. In the mean time, I would earnestly entreat every lady, whose discretion has preserved to her the consciousness of spotless manners, to abstain entirely from visiting this infectious place, and to resist, with fortitude, every beginning of so idle and mischievous a curiosity. Do not, my fair friends, expose your delicacy to the scrutiny and loose remarks of the unknown and promiscuous multitudes, who nightly convene there, for other purposes than those of consulting the fortune teller. Leave it to those who have sufficient cause to apprehend what a future "day may bring forth," to calm their apprehensions, to prove their virtue or prepare against disgrace, by the assistance of oracular responses. "Good name in women, is the immediate jewel of their souls," and-since for some, it requires more than mortal testimony to gain belief, it is but reasonable that such should be indulged with an opportunity of having their virtue attested by authority which cannot be doubted.
It is, therefore, my advice, that for the present, no obstruction be thrown in the way of those who are disposed to visit the fortune teller, and that it be taken for granted, that, were it proper, they could give convincing proof of the propriety and necessity of the measure.
It is reported, that there are certain of the great council of our nation, whom it delighteth to consult the interests of their country, in this repository of occult science; and, as I would, by no means, be instrumental in depriving government of any necessary or useful aid, I would recommend, that every such lady as before alluded to, should have the privilege of introducing one member of Congress.
I would likewise request the police of the city, since they think it proper that a public office of this kind should be kept open for the benefit of the citizens, that they would increase the notoriety of it, and cause its moral and political tendency to be more fully understood, by ordering the following inscription to be placed over the door.
WANTONS AND FOOLS,
Of both Sexes,
MADE AND SOLD HERE,
At the moderate price of twenty-five cents
A PAIR.
SOLOMON SIMPLE, F. M. D.
Doctor Simple respectfully requests the Ladies not to mention him to the fortune teller, lest she should persuade them that these malicious remarks have been made by some one, who is ashamed of his real name, and by discovering the author, should prove her own skill, and destroy the credit of this paper.