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Literary
September 20, 1940
The Mcdowell Times
Keystone, Mcdowell County, West Virginia
What is this article about?
In her advice column, Kathleen Norris shares a letter from Mary Baker, a 32-year-old wife disillusioned by her husband Dan's repeated infidelities with nurses and friends, questioning the viability of modern marriages maintained for children or society rather than love, and proposing a five-year renewal period for couples.
Clipping
OCR Quality
95%
Excellent
Full Text
Before the first anniversary Dan was deeply attracted to one of the nurses in his uncles' office.
He works with two dentist uncles.
The affair worried him, made him ashamed and unhappy; presently the girl married and Dan got over it. But it shook the ground under my feet, and I never felt quite the same confidence in him again.
By KATHLEEN NORRIS
NE of the most disillusioned and discouraging letters I ever received came to my desk some weeks ago from a woman named Mary Baker. She is 32, has been married eight years, and she says she is scared.
"Dan and I married for love, and for six or seven months we revelled in our love and home and plans," she writes. "But before the first anniversary Dan was deeply attracted to one of the nurses in his uncles' office. He works with two dentist uncles.
The affair worried him, made him ashamed and unhappy; presently the girl married and Dan got over it. But it shook the ground under my feet, and I never felt quite the same confidence in him again.
"He was thrilled when our little boy was born, and said he hoped we would have three or four children. But Peter was not a year old when I went away to the country for three weeks and during my absence Dan carried on an affair with a divorced woman, who had always said she was my friend. When I got home he confessed that he had been carried away by temporary emotional excitement, and that it was over, but Mrs. B. came to see me, showing me a letter in which Dan had written that if I would give him a divorce they could be married.
Bears Sorrow Silently.
"This disgusted me, and I had a time of despair. For weeks I did not speak to Dan, and as I would not tell even my own mother of what had occurred I had a lonely and uncomfortable time. Eventually we were reconciled in a sort of surface fashion, and after some months, convinced of his reform, I returned to his room and enjoyed a short time of confidence and happiness. Our second son was born, and Dan was so devoted to all three of us, and so helpful and patient that I thought myself a fortunate woman, and that our troubles were over.
"My boys are now six and three. And Dan is again in love, this time with a woman so cheap and ordinary that it is unbelievable to me that any man could fall for her, least of all Dan!
Marriage in the Modern Manner.
"Now. I know your advice. I've been reading your column all my married life. I know all about being independent of anyone else for my happiness, and building a life around myself and my boys. But what I want to ask is, what is marriage? If it is a relationship that nine times out of ten grows irksome and stupid to both parties after a few years, and is maintained only because of children, or society, or family dignity, or business considerations, isn't it a failure? Most of my friends are already taking a sort of serio-comic attitude toward their mates. To a great many of them the sudden ending of the married state, through any cause, would be a great relief. Don't you believe this is true of all but the exceptional marriages? The husband enduring all sorts of defects in his wife, the wife setting her teeth to force herself to put up with her man's limitations, peculiarities and general cussedness.
"What's the answer, if this is true? Is a wife to go on for 30 more years, blandly accepting, as in my case, the fact that any flattering unscrupulous woman can make a fool of her husband, break up whatever happiness remains in her home, give her friends a chance to pity or laugh at her, and then, when the infatuation is over, blandly forget and forgive and go on as if nothing had happened? Where is my dignity, where is that future toward which all women want to build, a future of security and peace, with children growing up, and garden, home, friendships, trips, vacations all shared with a real companion? And is it my fault that Dan has no desire to plan for such a future, but pays me attention only when he is not interested in someone else?
A Five Year Plan.
"My own idea is that all marriages ought automatically to be cancelled at about five years, at which time the man and woman should be forced to live apart for six months or so, to see how each feels about resuming the relationship. It is frightful to feel that the step you took confidently in girlhood is holding you in prison for life."
He works with two dentist uncles.
The affair worried him, made him ashamed and unhappy; presently the girl married and Dan got over it. But it shook the ground under my feet, and I never felt quite the same confidence in him again.
By KATHLEEN NORRIS
NE of the most disillusioned and discouraging letters I ever received came to my desk some weeks ago from a woman named Mary Baker. She is 32, has been married eight years, and she says she is scared.
"Dan and I married for love, and for six or seven months we revelled in our love and home and plans," she writes. "But before the first anniversary Dan was deeply attracted to one of the nurses in his uncles' office. He works with two dentist uncles.
The affair worried him, made him ashamed and unhappy; presently the girl married and Dan got over it. But it shook the ground under my feet, and I never felt quite the same confidence in him again.
"He was thrilled when our little boy was born, and said he hoped we would have three or four children. But Peter was not a year old when I went away to the country for three weeks and during my absence Dan carried on an affair with a divorced woman, who had always said she was my friend. When I got home he confessed that he had been carried away by temporary emotional excitement, and that it was over, but Mrs. B. came to see me, showing me a letter in which Dan had written that if I would give him a divorce they could be married.
Bears Sorrow Silently.
"This disgusted me, and I had a time of despair. For weeks I did not speak to Dan, and as I would not tell even my own mother of what had occurred I had a lonely and uncomfortable time. Eventually we were reconciled in a sort of surface fashion, and after some months, convinced of his reform, I returned to his room and enjoyed a short time of confidence and happiness. Our second son was born, and Dan was so devoted to all three of us, and so helpful and patient that I thought myself a fortunate woman, and that our troubles were over.
"My boys are now six and three. And Dan is again in love, this time with a woman so cheap and ordinary that it is unbelievable to me that any man could fall for her, least of all Dan!
Marriage in the Modern Manner.
"Now. I know your advice. I've been reading your column all my married life. I know all about being independent of anyone else for my happiness, and building a life around myself and my boys. But what I want to ask is, what is marriage? If it is a relationship that nine times out of ten grows irksome and stupid to both parties after a few years, and is maintained only because of children, or society, or family dignity, or business considerations, isn't it a failure? Most of my friends are already taking a sort of serio-comic attitude toward their mates. To a great many of them the sudden ending of the married state, through any cause, would be a great relief. Don't you believe this is true of all but the exceptional marriages? The husband enduring all sorts of defects in his wife, the wife setting her teeth to force herself to put up with her man's limitations, peculiarities and general cussedness.
"What's the answer, if this is true? Is a wife to go on for 30 more years, blandly accepting, as in my case, the fact that any flattering unscrupulous woman can make a fool of her husband, break up whatever happiness remains in her home, give her friends a chance to pity or laugh at her, and then, when the infatuation is over, blandly forget and forgive and go on as if nothing had happened? Where is my dignity, where is that future toward which all women want to build, a future of security and peace, with children growing up, and garden, home, friendships, trips, vacations all shared with a real companion? And is it my fault that Dan has no desire to plan for such a future, but pays me attention only when he is not interested in someone else?
A Five Year Plan.
"My own idea is that all marriages ought automatically to be cancelled at about five years, at which time the man and woman should be forced to live apart for six months or so, to see how each feels about resuming the relationship. It is frightful to feel that the step you took confidently in girlhood is holding you in prison for life."
What sub-type of article is it?
Essay
What themes does it cover?
Social Manners
Love Romance
Moral Virtue
What keywords are associated?
Marriage
Infidelity
Disillusionment
Divorce
Women's Advice
Modern Relationships
What entities or persons were involved?
By Kathleen Norris
Literary Details
Author
By Kathleen Norris
Subject
Disillusionment In Modern Marriage And Repeated Infidelity
Key Lines
"But What I Want To Ask Is, What Is Marriage? If It Is A Relationship That Nine Times Out Of Ten Grows Irksome And Stupid To Both Parties After A Few Years, And Is Maintained Only Because Of Children, Or Society, Or Family Dignity, Or Business Considerations, Isn't It A Failure?"
"My Own Idea Is That All Marriages Ought Automatically To Be Cancelled At About Five Years, At Which Time The Man And Woman Should Be Forced To Live Apart For Six Months Or So, To See How Each Feels About Resuming The Relationship."