Edwardsville Spectator

FOR THE SPECTATOR.
THE DREAMER--NO. VI.
BY SIMON SNORER, ESQ.

"I sum up half mankind.
And add two-thirds of the remaining half,
And find the total of their hopes and fears,
Dreams,--empty dreams."
COWPER.

Every day gives me fresh reason for self-gratulation on the appropriate and real character in which I appear before the reading public. The severest and most illiberal critic cannot accuse me of "sailing under false colors," for every number furnishes incontrovertible internal evidence that I am, what I profess to be, a downright dreamer. It is true, I do not, always, put on my night-cap, extinguish the candle, and close the curtains, before my dreams commence. In sooth, were my fair readers to visit my dormitory, they would find a "plentiful lack" of those luxurious appliances to sleep. They might, seeing the shelves, the table, the chairs, the floor, and the bed strewed with books, and newspapers, and magazines, and manuscripts, in the most admirable philosophical disorder--the floor unswept, the dog reposing in the chimney, undisturbed; they might, I say, some of them, think to themselves, that a wife would be a desirable addition to the furniture; just to "keep things together, and live like folks." I can only say that I have dreamed of some such thing before now. But, as I was going to say, when this matrimonial dream came into my head; although I be not actually asleep--always--when my visions present themselves, yet I doubt not, should I continue to amuse the public with their exhibition, that most, if not all of them, sleeping or waking, will be pronounced "Dreams,--empty dreams--..."

While I felicitate myself with this most flattering expectation, I am aware that I have a host of competitors in the art, trade, or rather sublime science, and mystery of dreaming. The poet computes the number at five-sixths of the human race. A goodly company, truly! But I wonder what the remaining sixth can find to do, that they should exclude themselves, or be excluded, I know not which, from the visionary majority.

It would be amusing to take a hasty survey of the dreams which flit across the brains of some of the most notable dreamers. So "Bucks, have at ye all"--at least as many as I shall find convenient; for, as a genuine dreamer, I cannot be controlled in the number or extent of my fancies.

The ladies:--As a true bachelor I place the ladies first. The young,--I mean the unmarried ladies, are prone to dreaming of sweet-hearts, of husbands, of children--I had like to have had the word written at full length: But I suppose they never dream of consequences. I have seen, before now--in a dream, of course--a parcel of these gay dreamers collected together, each of them appearing, herself, a vision of light in the eyes of a visionary old bachelor--not so dead old, neither; and have heard them talk, in unrestrained freedom, supposing themselves unheard by any of the masculine gender: And what do you think, gentle reader, was the subject of their conversation? Why it was--but I do not affect, like Mr. Jonathan Oldbuck, to hold womankind in contempt--so I shall not tell you what it was. They might hear of it, and then what chance would I ever have of getting a wife, should I happen to be visited by a waking dream of the kind again?

The married ladies, the matrons, dream--but of what, "I, being a bachelor, and unacquainted with these matters" cannot be supposed to know. Let them dream on.

Of the dreams of our lordly sex I can speak with greater freedom; for they are less delicate, usually, in their nature: at least the dreamers, if not the dreams, are "made of sterner stuff." The dreams of young men are frequently mixed up in a wonderfully perplexing manner.--

They dream of love and of law; of Coke and of Celia; of Chitty and of Tom Moore; of a bill in chancery and of a love-letter; of a speech in court and of a courting speech; all jumbled up together in such a manner that they cannot always produce the right plea in the right place. They dream of merchandise and of dancing; of cutting tape and of cutting the pigeon wing; of corduroys and cotillons; of cod fish and contra-dances; in short, a most wretched assortment of wares and waltzes thrown together in such disorder that it would be difficult to lay hands on any thing called for, without previous arrangement.

Sometimes they dream of office; of public stations, where the talents, of which they dream themselves possessed, may be brought into exercise, and gain them high renown. These are dangerous dreams, for young men especially. They are apt to inflate the youthful dreamer with vanity; and sometimes they become so intricate, and involved so completely in stratagems, that it is well if the visionary subject "awake and find it all a dream."

The dreams that visit men a little more advanced in life, are so multitudinous, that it would be vain to attempt a description or classification of them.--Perhaps the most amusing part of the business is, to see the gravity and consistency affected by some of these sober dreamers. They would not dream of love:--Oh! no; that is too puerile for their mature minds. I have known them with "white hairs streaming in the wind," bustling through a solitary life; dreaming of wealth, of honors, of pleasure! while they sturdily deny being visited by dreams of love, and connubial happiness. Vain dreamers! They reject the means of enjoying the greatest degree of felicity which earth can give. I am resolved that, some time or other, I will abandon this useless tribe, and take to myself a wife--if I can get one without too much trouble.

But it would be time wasted to dwell on the senseless dreams of old bachelors. Let us turn a moment to the productive classes, as a political economist would call them.

There are a thousand forms and colors to the dreams of these classes.--Sometimes they enjoy a sweet vision of conjugal love; and taste of pure "Domestic happiness; the only source "Of bliss, that has survived the fall:--" As Cowper (a bachelor!) sung. It is cheering, even to a bachelor, to see pleasure beaming on the countenance of a husband who is wrapt in such a vision. To hear him talk of the thrilling pleasure which the smiles of his wife, and the boisterous mirth of his children communicate.--Let not his happy slumbers be disturbed. But I have discovered that matrimonial dreams are not all pleasant. Instances have come within my notice, where the subject groaned in all the horrors of the night-mare, and raved incessantly of broils, contentions, quarrels, deep and high! Save me from such horrid dreams.

Tired or satiated, I know not which, with the sweets of domestic life, we often find the description of persons of which I now speak, extending their visionary views to scenes beyond the domicile. Perhaps it is the mere trick of Queen Mab, who visits them with all the witchery of her trade. Certain it is, "these grave and reverend Seignors" frequently dream of things which seem wild enough to others. I have known them, when they had hard struggling to get their own private business done, dream of settling the affairs of the state, or nation. And then, to see how they would press forward in their dreams, and go through all the process of electioneering. "Here, boys; here's my treat: come, take some corn! take hold, take hold: I'm a candidate for the assembly. I know you'll all vote for me. Come, drink success to my election"--and many other such sentences seem to come from such dreamers spontaneously. I know not how it is; but I never find a man dreaming of obtaining office in this way, that he does not greatly sink in my estimation. I cannot help thinking, however high his waking professions may be, that there is some latent spark of corruption, which, being usually kept smothered, finds vent and fuel in these political dreams. There are men who do not dream of these things until they are "put into their heads" by the loud call of the public; and then their visions are undisturbed by intrigue, and unmingled with bribery. I love such dreamers.

Old men dream too: but I reverence gray hairs, and will not inquire into the nature of their dreams. May they be visited by the most soothing and peaceful visions, and may they awake to a full realization of bliss, beyond the highest soaring of their imagination!

May I not descend to particulars? Those whose dreams are published with all the "circumstances" of notoriety at least, cannot have reason to complain, if a professed dreamer gives them a passing remark. Of all the dreams with which the visionary sons of Adam are visited, that of Mr. Owen appears to me
the strangest--the wildest. He dreams of making men unite, not only in harmony, but in community, by divesting them at once of all selfish motive, and all moral principle. He dreams that, by sweeping all moral accountability from his code, he can change men on whom the dread of future punishment and the hope of future rewards have had no effect, into upright and honest and good men. He dreams that by infusing into his disciples a disbelief of, and utter contempt for, the doctrines of christianity, he can engage them to a close and unwavering observance of all its practical precepts, so far as they relate to the intercourse between man and man. Precepts too, which he had never known but for the introduction of that system of religion which he seeks to destroy! He dreams, in short, of governing and controlling and directing "circumstances" so as to produce just such an effect as he pleases; which "circumstances," according to his notion, have governed and controlled and directed the whole human race, hitherto, with an irresistible power! Thus he dreams of governing that which governs mankind!

I have been not a little amused at the dreams of certain editors lately. I observe that you, Messieurs Editors, have taken notice of some of them, and shall therefore only mention a few other dreams equally as idle. Noah, "Governor and Judge of Israel" (I pass that dream, however) has been visited by a dream of shaking the confidence of the people in the President of the United States, by making his appointment of Rufus King, ambassador to Great Britain, unpopular. With this intention he roundly charged Mr. King, with having proposed an invitation to a German Prince to assume the crown of America! And he reiterated the charge; and it was echoed back from the western bank of the Mississippi, and the charges have been rung on all the bells which could be brought to sound the notes. And lo! it is proven that the charge is entirely false, and without even a shadow of foundation! Other editors have been troubled by dreams of a like nature, and truly they are troublesome dreams, for they never find their accomplishment. There were many indications of the night-mare, for a time, of which the well-earned fame of Mr. Clay seemed to be the cause: and lately Mr. Barbour sits like an Incubus on the breast of Mr. Ritchie, while Mr. Southard has produced the most frightful dreams to a whole class of political dreamers, inasmuch as he would not be driven from his duty, nor provoked into harshness by their denunciations.

Meanwhile Mr. Adams, and Mr. Clay, and Mr. Barbour, and Mr. Southard--and Mr. Rush, too, I suppose--are dreaming that they can shame all these dreamers of dreams into silence, by pursuing a straight forward course, neither turning to the right hand nor to the left. Vain dreams! "Though thou shouldst bray a fool in a mortar, among wheat with a pestle, yet will not his foolishness depart from him."

And you Messrs. Editors, are dreamers. I pass your dreams of realizing a competency and gaining a name by your exertions in conducting a newspaper, which dreams, no doubt, you have ere now indulged in: but you have dreamed of other things equally visionary. Among the rest you have dreamed of getting a canal cut by the energies of a state which has no energy; and of exciting a spirit of public improvement, not only in the face of the country but in the intellect of the rising generation. Well; dream on. Perhaps one of a thousand may "come true;" and that will be sufficient to establish your reputation as true dreamers.

I dream too. " 'Tis my vocation, Hal." I pretend to be nothing else than a dreamer, and have had the most delicious dream of amusing and instructing the public by the publication of my dreams in the Spectator: "And I awoke, and behold it was a dream!"