Carroll Free Press

Miscellaneous.
Yaller Pledges,
Or, the Fight about Sal Spillman.
BY SOLITAIRE.
'It ain't nateral for a feller to tell of his gittin licked, but I must tell you about that fight be- tween me and Jess Stout—it war a screamer by thunder! and if I did gin in it warn't in the course o' human natur' to do any how else.
That gal sponlaneously hankered arter Jess, and besides he'd piled up the affection in her, by an amazin' long spell of courtin.' I did kinder edge into her likin' and 'gin to spekilate big on throwin Jess, but that fight knocked my calcula- tion alt to fliuers. I'm some in a bar fight, and considerable among panters, but I warn't no whar in that fight with Jess. In courso I'll tell you boys, so sot yourselves round, and pass a- long that corn juice.
'You see, every time I come up from Lusian- ne, I found Jess hangin' round that gal. Sally Spillman looked orful sweet, and afeller could'nt go near her without raisin' his dander—he was jealous as a hen with young chickens. I sot my eyes on her to find out what Jess saw in her so amazin' inticin', and I swar ef a close exan- ination did'nt make me yearn afier her like a weaned yearling. She was all sorts of a gal- there warn't a sprinklin' too much of her—she stuck out al! over just far epough without cush. inin'—had an eye that would make a feller's heart try to get out of his bosom, and then such har—her step was as light as a panter's, and her breath as sweet as a prairie flower. In my opin- ion, the mother of all human natur' warn't an atom slicker model; she desarved the pick of a whole creation, and I just felt that I was made a purpose for her.
'At all the rolicks round the countiy, down in the Missouri botiom, or up on the Osage, Jess was hankin' arter that gal. lookin' honey at her and pizen at the fellers that spoke pleasin' to her. I thort I'd try my hand at makin' him on easy, so one night at a frolick, I sidled up to her and axed her how she war and ef that ailin' nigger of her daddy's wur improvin', what 'ud be the probable amount of the old man's tobac- co crop this season, and some other interestin matters of talk. She said that she was thrivin as usual, the nigger was comin' on as well as could be expected, and the old man's crop pro- mised to be pretty considerable. Nothin' could be more satisfyin', and so I kept on a talkin' and she got to laffin' and Jess began a scowlin'. I seed he warn't pleased, but I din'nt estimate him very tall, so I kept on, got a dancin' with Sally, and ended by kissin' her good by that night, and makin' Jesse as jealous as a pet pint- er!
'I war agoin' to start to Luisanne next day with a flat load of tobaccer and other groceries, and afore I went, I thort I'd send a present of my pet 'bar cub' over to Sally, just to have a sorter hitch on her, till I'd get back; so I gits my nigger Jim, and gin him the follerin' note with the bar cub, and special directions that he wur to give 'em both to Sally herself:
Panter crik, rear bar diggins Juin twenty 1.
To the captivatin' Miss Sally Spillman.
'Your tender adorer Sam Crowder, sends you the followin' fust trofy of a hunt on the Osage, the condition of this bar are somethin' like him, the bar are all fat, he all tenderness! Hopin that you will gin up a small corner of your heart to the writer, while he is among the furriners of Luisanne, he will ever remember you, and be sure not to forgit to bring a pledge of affection from the South to bind our openin' loves.
Yours with stream or agin it,
SAm. Crowder.
'I studied that out with considerable difficulty and writ it with more, and 'stick me on a sand. bar' ef that Jess did'nt waylay Jim and read the note! Maybe it did'nt stir up the alluvial bot- tom of his love for Sally—the varmint's count- nance looked as riled as the old Missouri in a June rise.
Off I started next day with my flat, for the imporium of the South, and as I war floatin' a long, I could'nt help turnin' over in my mind what a scrougin smart family the Crowders would be. when Sally and I agreed on annexn- tion. I just thort I could see 'young Sam' the fust boy, standin' on the other eend of the flat, strong as a bar—eye like an lngin—spry as a catamount—fair as Sally; and keen as his daddy I swar, I yelled rite out, thinkin' on it.
'While I was in this way rollin' in clover. by picturin' what was to be, they wur tarin' my character all to chiltlins up at home.—My per- lite note was raisin' a perfect freshet of wrath agin me. That display of larnin', about bring in' home a pledge of afection from the sunny south, most onacountably oversot my whole family prospects, It wur a stumper to Sally, so she got Jess to explain it, and the way he did it was enormous.
'W hy, don't you,' ses Jess, 'he means to bring home one of his niggir children from the south, to nuss! Nothin can be plainer—thar ain't no other 'pledges of affection' than children that I know on.
'Well, I swar ef she did'nt believe him'
'The nasty dog,' sais Sally, 'does he think I'm agoin' to nuss any of his yaller pledges—If them thar's all he's got to offer he ain'i worth shucks, and if you don't lick him for his onman- ly note. vou ain't worth shucks nuther.'
'Not dreamin' of the row at home, I was a huntin' through Noo Orleans for presents for Sally. I bought a roll of ribbon, a pocket full of lace, and a bran new, shinir, black silk par- asol, and was a comin' along slow and easy, by the St. Louis Exchange, when I heard Major Beerd cryin' off a lot of field hands. I just sauntered in as he was puttin' up a picaninny 'yaller gal,' abont five years old. The liule gal had no mamiy livin', and looked sorter sickly, so nobody seemed anxious to get her. I hollered fifty dollars and the lutle creetur' brightened up when she seed who was a biddin'; I did'nt look like a sugar er cotton planier, and the creatur' seemed glad that I warn't. Some cotton feller here bid sixty dollars and! she wilted rite down I thort what a slick present sie'd be for Sally; and how well she'd do to tend the children, so l sung out seventy dollars; she knew my voice and I could see her eye lids tremble. No soon er did the Major drop the hammer on seventy dollars than she looked wurth a hundred, she was so pleased at my buyin' her. She was a nice liuile creatur' but her har was uncommon straight.
'I started up home next day with my purcha- ses, and such a time as I had on the way. I got dreamin' so strong about bein married to Sally, that I was etarnally wakin' up huggin' and kiss- in' the pillows as if they were galls at a huskin' At last I got home, tickled all to death at my fu- ture prospects. I met Jess at the landin'—he gin me a starr, looked at the little yaller gal, and spread himself with a guffaw, as ef he war a goin' into fits, I riled up a little, but thought it war time enough to serve him out, so I passed on. 'The fellers in the settlement seemed to be all-fired pleased at my gettin' back, for they kep a grinnin' and bowin' and lookin' at my little yaller gal.
'Won't you take a little suthin', Sam?' said Jim Belt, the grocery keeper.
'Not now, I thank vou, Jim.' ses I
'W hat you ain't goin' in for Temperance pled- ges, too, are you?' asked Jim, and ihen the boys all hollered as ef they'd bust their heads.
Not ex-a-c-t-ly ses I rather slow. tryin' all the time to find out what the fun war, but I cud'nt get it through my kiverin' of har, so I gin it up and went home. Next day ther war to be a campmeetin' down in the bottom, and all the boys and galls wur agoing to it; so, to make a shine with Sally. I sent over word that I would call that mornin' and bring my first pledge of affection, meaning the parasol, and hoped that it would be to her mind both in texlur' and color.
Back came this note in answer:
Kune Holler Juli 8.
'Miss Spillman's compliments
'To Sam Crowder, Esq. the fust pledge of his affections is a litle too yaller, and ihe textur of its har is too tight a curl, and more'n that she aint ambitious to hev any of his pledges ef thar wur all white.
SAllY SPIllMAn.'
'I nigh onto bust with madness!—l could feel every har on my head kindlin' at thie eend, 'case I knew sum kussed lie had been told her, and blamed Jess fur doin' it. I jest swore a bible oath, I'd spile his picter so he could'nt enjoy campineetin' muck; so next mornin' bright and airly, I accidentally fell in with Jess goin' arter Sallv; with all his Sunday kiverin' on, lookin' as nice as a stall fed two year old.' I rite up and asked him what he meant by tellin' lies to the galls about me, that I had hearn on'em all over the settlement.
'I hain't told no lie on you,' for what's told you told yourself—ef you have nigger babies in the South, you need'ni insult decent white galls by offerin to let 'em nuss 'em—
'I did'nt wait uptil he finished afore I hit him biff, alongside his smeller, and went into him all fours catamount fashion. The thing had come to a windin' up pint—this fight war to eend the matter about Sally, and as I did'nt want to gin her up easy, I laid myself out for a purty long spell. I could see by the way Jess went to work that be'd calculated upon a purty big chunk of a fight, too, so we both begun to save ourselves. I had little the advantage of Jess, for he did'nt want to spilé his Sunday fixups, while I did'nt care a cuss for my old boat suit.—W hen I'd grab his trowsers and gin 'em a hitch he'd ease off a little and then I'd lend him a stagerer, which was generally followed by his makin' me fly round like a weasel—cre-a-tion, how tough he war!
While we wur havin' a rite smart time, to gether, nary one of us seed Sally ridin' along down the wagon track, lookin' out for Jess, but she seed us, hitches her horse and climed onto a stump to see the fight out. As I war careful- ly reachin' for Jess's ear with my grinders I heard her sing out—
'Tech it ef you dar'—you nigger cannibal!'
'Her hollerin gave Jess an advantage and hel ped his strength powerfully, for the next minnit war on my back and him right astraddle on me.
'Sock your teeth into him Jess!' screamed Sally, and about then je-e-minny fellars, I leap- ed as ef lightnin' had hit me, for his grinders had met through the flesh she had called his at- tention to. I squirmed and struggled, and chaw: ed meat but he held on—I grabbed his new trou- sers and tore 'em like paper—he was agoin'to let go to kiver his coat tails over the torn place, but Sally hollered out again—
'Whip the varmint fust and then I'll mend 'em up!
'I squealed enough! rite out—it war'nt no use fightin' agin such odds. Arier Jess let me up, Sally looked at me and puckered up her mouth as ef she had bcen entin unripe persim- mons—
'Enough,' scs she 'well may I get ager fits, ef you're fli for nything but to be the fa:her of yaller pledges!'—St. Louis Reveille.