The Virginia Gazette

An Account of a Journey to Paris, in a Letter from a
Country Squire to his Papa.

Ever honoured Sir, mon pere,

AFTER my humble duty remembered to you, hoping you are in
good health, as I am at this present writing; this is for to let you

know, that we left Dover last Tuesday was three weeks, to sail upon the

maine ocean sea; and having a bloody strong gale of wind, we got
to Callis in foure houres : but I did not half like it, for I was most con-
sumed sea-sick; and our Dick was so abominatious bad, that I thought

he would have been vivat rex, and dy'd upon the spot : he vomited,

and cast to that degree, as if he would have brought up his very pluck

and heart. We had no sooner landed, but we were hurried to the go-
vernor, and then to the custom-house, where we had a mortall deal of
trouble with my portmantle; and Dick had like to have lost the bag where was all my clean linen, and old shoes. And as neither Dick nor I understood then one word of French, we had like to have been bamboozled; but by the help of a well spoken English gentleman, a very handsome bodied person in the face, (whom I found was a drawer at the Hotel de Lyon tavern there,) we got out of that scrape, and he very civilly carried us to the house where he had the honour to serve. There we lived in clover, and there I found two English travellers going to Paris: the one a huffing young pedant, with a blue-purple-scarlet coat on, all bedizened with lace; a silly puppy, that could neither play at putt, nor all-fours, but wanted me, forsooth, to play at quadrille; which I knew no more of than the pope of Rome: so I sent the lad, and shunned him. The other was an Oxford scholar, just come from Cambridge, a mere ninny: his first question was, if I was acquainted with the Classics; and I in return, asked him, if he was acquainted in sex; and let him know you was of the Quorum, and that I was your son, and heir: but as for the family of the Clacks, I was sure there was no such in our country, or none of any note: upon this he grinned, and turned away upon his heel, and so I found the fellow was a fool. And I was glad I got sheer of him; and resolved to keep no English gentlemen company: because, first and foremost, they spend their money at no rate, and I do not desire such conversation, because I know it argues nothing, and their pretences of friendship are nothing but blandation: and I resolving to live within compass, do you, Sir, deigned to go to Paris in the waggon; and Dick was of the same opinion. But when I called for a reckoning,—(blood and thunder!) I may say, that there was the devil to pay; but, as the saying is, necessitas non habet legem; so I paid it, with as good a will, as if I had swallowed a hedge-hog,

We set out early one morning, in company only with three Frenchmen (very clever gentlemen indeed:) one of them spoke pretty good, bad English, and had been footman to a half pay officer; the second was a rope-dancer; and the third taught dogs to eat, and the like; but surely, they were the most compliant gentlemen, that ever were born or christened. Whatever I said, they said so too: if I sneezed, they bowed; if I laughed, they did the same; if I yawned, they stretched their jaws; and so forth. We were ten days in getting to Paris; sometimes I rode, and sometimes I walked, and passed thro' many towns and cities: but I knew better than to puzzle my brains to remember their names, which would argue nothing at all, if so be I came for improvement, and the like of that. My fellow travellers were so mortal civil to me, that I could do no less than bear their expenses, tho' I was forced to use some violence (as it were) to engage them to accept of it: however, I lost nothing by it; for in return, they taught me French as fast as hops, so that by the time we got to Paris, I could say oui Monsieur, and non Monsieur as well as the best of them, and so could our Dick too. But they all said they never knew any body that ever learned so much in so short a time; and I am of the same mind too, tho' I say it that should not say it, and that's a proud word; but mum for that—tace is Latine for a candle.

At Paris, by advice of my friend the foot-man I took lodgings at a friend's of his, at a six sous ordinary, up two pair of stairs, in a back-lane, because of cheap living. For, thinks I to myself, as I came here only to see fashions, I may as well do that, out of a window up two pair of stairs, as out of a parlour: and to save charges Dick lies with me, but is dismally afraid of Spirits, and of things walking, because he can't speak a bit of Latine.—And for my own part, I resolve (as the saying is) to keep only the best of company: so I found a sufficient number of very polite gentlemen, that lodged in the same house, that is to say, two journeymen taylors, (natives of Ireland,) two Italian fiddlers, and the chief toad-eater to a very noted mountebank: but, sure, and sure! had you but seen how they all honoured, bowed to, and complimented me, you would have taken your corporal oath, that they were men of quality, and knew that I was somebody. I seldom go abroad, because I can see the World fast enough out of my chamber window; but when I do go out, one, or more, and sometimes all these civil gentlemen wait on me: and poor Dick is so afraid of being lost, that he either takes hold of my sword, or the lappet of my coat, whenever I go into the city. And as I never wear my best clothes for fear of daubing them, so he never wears his new livery, lest people should take me for some lord, and murder me for my money, or cut his throat for the sake of his clothes. I don't go to a play, because they say bad naughty women are there: and I have been at court but once, and I will assure you, that I will never go twice; or I think in my heart, that it is as fine a sight, to see our quarter sessions. But it seems my merit could not be hid there: for I am told, by one, that heard it from the king's corn-cutter, that he was informed by one of the pages in waiting, that he thinks he heard the cardinal say, as how as he almost thought, that I was somebody of distinction if the truth was known, and the like of that.

I must not forget to tell you, that they are all here either Papishes or Roman catholics, and I like them at no price: so that when I have seen fashion a one week more I design to return from beyond sea, in order, Sir, to make you a grand-father, if I live and do well, as the saying is. The whole city have their eyes upon me, especially the ladies, who, I am told, are all in love with me: and every one says, I am vastly improved by travelling; and that I am so witty, and so wise, that they never saw the peer of me in all their born days: and as I have now seen the world I hope the gentlemen of the county will be so wise, as to put me up, for one, at the next election.

Pray give my Love and Service to Mrs. Peggy, and bid her prepare to be happy,—she knows well enough what I mean. Dick remembers his love to all the fox-hounds, particularly to Duchess, and desires of all love, that if she lies in, he may be put down for a puppy. So no more at present, but my love to Tom Jackson, and goodman Hickumbottom, and to the Parson, and his aunt, which is all from

Dear Papa,

Your ever loving son till death,

W. BOOBYKIN.

P. S. Here is a vast cunning man lives at the very next door: he professes for a guinea, (as they call it,) to learn me to make spells and charms, and love powders, and will teach me to raise the devil, into the bargain: which I think may be of great use to me at elections, and in foxhunting, and so forth. And as I have a capacity for any witty thing, I have a huge mind to learn: and he says, if I will turn papist he will give me the true receipt to make the philosopher's stone, that will turn every thing I touch, into gold, and silver, and money, and the like: but I shall beg his diversion for that, for I han't a mind to be damn'd, at present; and hope I never shall, if I live and do well, and so forth, as the saying is.

W.B.