The Virginia Gazette

Did some more noble Critic come abroad?
If wrong, I smil'd; if right, I kiss'd the Rod.
Pope.

I HOPE the Public will pardon my Arrogance, in pretending to reply any Thing to so unanswerable a Critic, as has judiciously acted the Commentator on a Certain Paper. His Remarks are too just, that I have not Presumption enough to attack them; my chief Design is, to return my most hearty Thanks to their Author, for his good Intentions, and acknowledge how much Profit I have reap'd from his Criticism. The Perusal [is] sufficient Amends. They are indisputably written with all the Spirit of a nice Critic, and solemn Gravity of a Commentator. It is a very extraordinary Performance, which equally abounds in fine Railleries, and just Observations. Horace said, long ago,
Otne tulit punctum, qui miscuit utile dulci,
Lecforem delectando, pariterque monendo.

And the Notes on a certain Paper have both these Qualifications to recommend them. For, to give the Author his Due, when I perus'd them, I found some Things instructive, which I apply'd home to my own Bosom; and others likewise diverting, tho' silly, which made me laugh.

The Gentleman has laid me under great Obligations, in hazarding so much as his own Reputation, (in Case he was publickly known) purely to inculcate a little good Advice into a Person, whom he thought in great Need of it. He is surely quite void of Self-Interest, as this noble Action plainly demonstrates. I am willing to believe, that what he wrote was meant as a friendly Admonition; and if I am in the Right, I shall turn his kind Designs to the best Advantage I am able; but if not, I'll baulk his Intentions, by taking all that is there useful, in the same Manner as if it came from a Friend, and laughing at all that is not.

But to let him know, I pay a due Regard to his Advice, concerning Brevity, I shall be much more concise In this, than I was in the other Piece, and not trouble the Public with a Vindication of it against the Critique my Father Confessor wrote: For indeed, I am humbly of Opinion, That if any Composition of what kind soever cannot answer for itself to the World, it is intirely useless for it's Author to pretend to vindicate it. But if I am wrong in any Sentiment of that Piece, with Sincerity I confess, I want no Body to be deceived by it, which might have some ill Effects, purely that I may be thought in the Right, which is of little Consequence. But indeed, I thought it beneath any Critic's Notice, when I intended it for the Press; but have experienc'd the Contrary: And when I reflect on it, I think it a little strange, that as certain as every Beggar has his Dog, So every Scribbler can afford a Critic.

I openly confess to my Holy Father, that I was not in the least puffed up with high Conceptions of my Performance; and if I had, in some Degree, his attacking me would have brought me to my Senses again. I have read somewhere, that when the Roman Generals rode in Triumph thro' the Streets, some of the Rabble or common Soldiers railed at them as they pass'd, to let them understand, that tho' in general, their Actions were noble and heroic, yet they had a sufficient Allay of Vices and Imperfections, to humble them in their Glory. But that, I think, was needless; for if any one would but turn his Thoughts into himself, he would need no Critic nor Rabble to put him in Mind of Humility, like the Macedonian Monarch's Page. ---- But let this Gentleman take his Range, I shall not think proper to answer any Thing such a Genius shall object to that or this; yet if he is in the Wrong, I shall smile; but if in the Right, shall kiss the Rod, as becomes one, who designs to make his Behaviour conformable to the Name of
TAPINOPHILUS.