The Fairfield Herald

An Adventure on the Cars.

There were five of us—five as happy
Fellows as were ever let loose from
College. It was 'vacation,' and we
Had concluded to take a trip to the
Falls. We got aboard the cars at
N—, and were soon traveling rapidly to our destination.

We had just seated ourselves and
Prepared for a comfortable smoke
When in came the conductor, and who
Should it be but our old friend Mel-
ville. After the common salutations.
'How are you, old fellow,' etc., had
Passed, Melville said he had some
Business for us to do.

'Out with it, old chum,' said we;
'Anything at all will be acceptable, so
Let's have it.'

'Well, boys,' said Melville, in a
Very confidential tone, 'in that next
Car there is as loving a pair as it was
My lot to see. They are going down
To H. to get married, and now if
You can have fun over it pitch in.—
They must be cared for, and I don't
Know who can do it better than you.'

In a moment Melville was gone,
And we set our heads together to
Form a plan for taking care of the
Lovers.

'I have it, boys,' said Harry Liv-
ingston; 'we must make that girl be-
lieve that her lover is married'

'That's it, Harry—that's it,' said
We, not giving him time to finish his
Sentence.

'That he is a married man, and the
Father of children,' said Harry. -

'That's the game, boys—now let us
Play it.'

It devolved upon me to commence
Operations. Accordingly, I entered
The car in which we were informed
The lovers were. Sure enough, there
They were, in real, soft lovers' style.
All this I gathered at a glance. Stop-
ping up to them, I said;

'Why, Jones, what in the douce
Are you doing with this girl?'

'See here, stranger,' said the fel-
low, 'you're mistaken—my name ain't
Jones.'

'Why, Jones,' said I, 'you cer-
tainly haven't left your wife and chil-
dren, and tried to palm yourself off
For a single man, have you.'

'I tell you my name ain't Jones—
It's Harper. It never was Jones—
'Tain't goin to be nuthin' else.'

I merely shook my head and passed
On to another seat to see the rest of
The fun. The girl looked wild after I
Sat down; but Jones, alias Harper,
Soon convinced her that I was mistak-
en.

About the time they got to feeling
Right well again, in came Clarence
M. Dowell. Walking up to Harper,
He accosted him with—

'Why, Jones, you here? How did
You leave your wife and babies?'

'Now, see here, stranger, you ain't
The fust man that's called me Jones
To-day, and I reckon I must look aw-
fully like him; but I ain't Jones, and
Moren that, you mustn't call me
Jones. I haint got a wife, nor babies
Nuther; but this 'ere gal and I is
Ngoing to splice, an'then you can talk
About my wife, but you musn't call
Me Jones, no how.'

This retort brought forth vocifer-
ous laughter from the spectators, and
Brought blushes to the face of the
'Gal that was going to be spliced.'

'Ah! Jones,' said Clarence, 'you
Will regret this some day. I pity
Your wife and children, and this poor
Girl.'

'So, Mr. Harper, your real name is
Jones, is it, and you've been foolin'
Me, have you? Well, we aint spliced
Yet, and I don't think we will be soon,'
Said the girl, and her eyes fairly
Flashed fire.

'Jane, Jane!' said Harper, 'don't
You know I'm Bill Harper? Thar
Ain't a darned drop of Jones' blood in
Me, and I'll prove it.'

At this moment Will Duval, Harry
Livingston and Horace Guy entered,
And of course their attention was call-
ed to Harper by his loud talking and
Excited manner. They stopped up to
Him and said;

'Why, Jones, what is all this fuss
About?'

This was more than Harper could
Stand. He leaped up on his seat.

'Now,' said he, 'my name aint
Jones, and I can lick the fellow that
Says it is.'

By this time we had arrived at
Isrney and our friend Melville came
Into the car and made Harper keep
Quiets The girl that wouldn't be
Spliced requested Melville to keep her
On the train that was going back to
N—, which he did, and the furious
Jones, alias Harper, followed her.

We learned afterwards that he
Proved himself to be Bill Harper in-
stead of Jones, and he and his gal got
Spliced, as